Monday 9 September 2013

A question of asking for what you want

Although there is no guarantee you will get it anyway!

"how do you overcome the difficulty of asking for things, its so embarrrasing" 

Im not very patient, im also not very good at being still, i like anticipation but not when its dragged out, i still fall into a trap of wanting it now! unless its something i dont want of course lol....and i still have times of wanting to be dominated how and when i want it when im in the mood.

Oddly enough he doesnt like being told what to do, yeah dominants do seem to take issue of being told how to dominate..really wouldnt recommend trying it.

However that doesnt mean they dont want to know what we want, they do, or they should do in my mind....and due to lack of mind reading skills it means talking to them, opening up, it might be uncomfortable, it has been for me, i have been embarrassed about expressing my desires, what will he think of me!

Never has he made me feel like im a wierdo, even when i have thought it about myself, that the desires i have had and still have are wrong, eventually he has coaxed them out of me, got me to admit that i like things that previously i have protested i really dont like because i havent wanted to admit that i like xyz.

He doesnt like me keeping my thoughts, desires, needs etc from him, this blog (which he originally set up for me, and i was less than enthusiastic about) has been really useful, especially in the beginning because it was easier for me to write about what i wanted rather than have to spell it out face to face...the blog is a useful tool for both of us....it brings about discussion, and im long past worrying about what he might think about what i write...initally i was wary because i was concious of him reading it, now i dont think about it, i cant because it would effect what i write.   Honestly i would always recommend the benefits of the 'other half' reading your blog...they learn about you, what you think etc...more than you realise.

Ok, im rambling off in a different direction, get back on track tori!

Asking is or can be difficult, but by not asking you are holding back from them, denying them all of you, if you want to be dominated in the way you want and like, they need to know what you want and like, it might not mean you get it that instant but for them its knowledge and knowledge as is often said is power.

What they know about you, all of you is the most effective 'tool' they can have in their arsenal, not in any way to use against you but to tap into your desires, simply put the better they know you, the better they can effectively dominate you..and thats what you want isnt it?



















20 comments:

  1. tori,

    This is a two edged sword for sure. My Dommes love knowing what I do not want to do. They love knowing the spots on my legs, thighs, bottom that hurt the most and that I want them to avoid. Do they listen? Does a shark back away when it senses blood in the water?

    I write fantasy stories for my Dommes so they know what turns me on. Sometimes they ask me for a video that I find erotic.

    Hug,
    joey

    PS Blogger "ate" your last comment on my blog.

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    1. lol a 2 edged sword..that it is!

      I havent thought about writing fantasies in the form of a story, what a great idea, i might pluck up the courage to try that.

      He has had me look for videos i like, thats always good fun!

      blogger is a damn pain in the ass at times....it still quite regularly tells me im not following anyone!

      x

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  2. I don't know why it's so hard to express what you want. It's annoying to me. When we go to eat, I tell him what I want. Why is it so much more difficult to express our other desire? I don't know. But you're right. It's better if they know but it's no guarantee you'll get it :)

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    1. It is difficult, i still squirm at times when he insists on knowing whats going on in my head but gosh yes i do think its important they know...its all good for us in the end lol

      x

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  3. I'm finding this a steep learning curve - asking without shame - and a lot of the time, having climbed up it, I slip back down again.
    Thanks for the positive reminder.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Yeah i can relate to the slipping back down...its just that sometimes i find it difficult to reconcile with myself that i like the things i do...i think i shouldnt as its not 'normal'.

      x

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  4. OMG, I want everything yesterday and have no patience at all, so I can definitely relate. And I'm always telling the dominants in my life how they should dominate me, because I'm stroppy like that ;) Yes, they get pissed off, but the punishment is what I'm usually after so it's all good ;) But I agree, asking for things can be hard sometimes... and embarrassing. I started my blog because someone suggested it, for similar reasons. Unfortunately, I didn't get round to it until he was out of my life, but hey, I'm a lazy slave. ;)I have to say I'm curious about why xyz is, though. ;) I'll have to look through your blog and find it ;)

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    1. lol, i hate being punished, it means i have disappointed him and thats something thats beats me up more than he ever could!....but i get how for some its fun...for us punishment is never fun.

      xyz isnt anything in particular, it could be anything that i dont particular like or want at any given time.

      x

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  5. I agree with Joey...definitely a double edged sword. There is also a fine line between discussing your desires and steering to get what you want. I have learned to be very careful what I ask for and what i say i like and don't like because I may get way more than I bargained for.

    I do like the idea of writing stories and including your desires and fantasies for your Dom to read. Then they can chose how and when to incorporate it.

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    1. I can see how there is a fine line, but i think what clearly distinguishes between the 2 is just because i may ask for something i may desire, its his choice if i get it, there is no expectation on my part that i will, but still its his right to know what i do want, need and desire.

      Yes i liked the story writing, i hadnt thought of that, im tempted to give it a go lol

      x

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    1. I hope you get all that you want in time Misty

      x

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  7. i have learned to ask for what i want, and let Him decide to give me what i need. i may pout for a minute, but i always end up realizing my need was far more important.

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    1. Yes....completley agree, asking should aways be encouraged under the understanding that its at their discretion whether we get it or not...or indeed if we get more than we bargained for lol

      x

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  8. Hi Tori,

    This is a great post, and well said. Sharing your thoughts and desires is hard and I love what you said about not asking denying them all of you and you are right. The more knowledge they have, the more effectively they can dominate you.

    We too have found the blog to be a great tool in our relationship as it gives him a greater insight into my thoughts, feelings etc. Sometimes it is so much easier to write it down than talk it through face to face. Writing it down breaks the ice for the conversation to happen.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. hi Roz

      thankyou,

      i really didnt want to blog...believe it or not lol...but its been such a great help for all of the reasons you have given above.

      I know its a common issue of finding it hard to share thoughts, desires etc but once one can get past that and see how beneficial it is...then making the effort in whatever format one is comfortable with....is just so worth it.

      x

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  9. Its a learning thing--that whole learning to ask thing without being demanding and annoyance ;o)---Lovey post, tori!

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    1. Yes it is....i still at times finding it difficult lol

      thankyou

      x

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  10. Asking is hard. Partly because I want it to be his idea, and I want him to be doing it because it's something HE wants to do, not because it's something he's doing for me. But at the same time, I want to be aroused for activities, and so he needs to know what turns me on, and off. Even if he decides not to do the turn-ons and insists on doing the turn-offs, which for some bizarre reason is usually the case, I still want him to be very aware of which direction he has chosen to go on that particular occasion.

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  11. It is hard, i get what your saying about wanting it to be his idea, but i think its still their choice to act on what has been asked for, they can take it and adapt it to a way they like.

    I think mostly whats important about asking is that its so important they can get into ones head.

    x

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