Well im feeling a bit ashamed, i was rebuked by the bossman for wanting to know if i was better than his previous slaves, quite rightly he said its not a competition and we are all different....and i know that, i do.
I think better was and is the wrong term to use, but i picked up on his demeanour that this was not a conversation he was going to encourage and engage me in, and after the rebuke i dropped it.
I was dwelling on my last post (which i know i have comments to reply to, im getting there, they have given me food for thought) and this need to be everything he wants, i was looking for confirmation that i am.
Well i didnt get it.
But (of course there is a but) its no different to any normal relationship, where there is that curiosity about ones partners ex'es, isnt it normal to have that curiosity over what they were like? it is isnt it?....its like wanting to be told "yes the sex is better with you, its the best i have had" but then wandering if there only saying that to appease you.....well one things for sure i wouldnt get appeased with the bossman he would say it as it is.! wheras i want to know if they were more masochistic than me..i want to know if they could give him what he likes....maybe its best not knowing...i might not like the answer.
So why am i feeling like a scolded child?
because its childish i guess, i dont know, maybe its also not very dignifying (not sure if thats the word im looking for) and im thinking about greengirls comment on my last post and what she said about humility....which really got me thinking in relation to that post.
and i feel ashamed because wanting to question him and be told i am indeed better isnt very humble is it?
and really does it matter? no it doesnt, i know that.