"Is it ok for a slave to ever withdraw consent?"...anon.
Yes i think so.
However withdrawing consent is not something to be taken lightly, such as being used as a 'get-out' because one doesnt want to submit to something, but i guess perhaps it depends on whats acceptable within an individual relationship.
For me to withdraw consent it would have to be for very good reasons..such as
my Master not being in a fit state of mind (perhaps due to illness, alcohol) to make sound judgements.
my responsibilities to my childrens welfare threatened in any way ....i may be his slave but im a mum and for as long as they are dependent on me in the respect of them living at home....they come first...so something like hitting me in front of the children and/or exposing them to things they shouldnt be.....children need a safe/secure/loving environment.
* just to add in respect of above, i dont mean accidental incidents such as kids walking in when your having sex, or finding an implement etc....heck these can happen*
disregarding my emotional and physical welfare (outside of a 'scene') ie constantly or an example could be him having unprotected sex with various people or expecting me to
Its really about SSC (safe, sane and consensual) or RACK (risk aware consensual kink..although perhaps this pertains more to bdsm activity than the relationship as a whole) but either fit, yes we both like a drink, if he has been drinking we dont 'play' well not in anyway that involves bondage or anything 'extreme' and its certainly not the time to be having serious discussions when alcohol is involved.
I trust him not to behave in any of the above reasons i gave, he has not given me any reason not to trust him...but they are examples of circumstances that would make me withdraw consent and would have a huge impact on our relationship.
So, slaves (how you define that is up to you) contrary to myth or fantasy can leave, withdraw consent if circumstances call for it...anyway thats my thoughts.
*edited to add that i dont think withdrawing consent necessarily means the end of a relationship*
tori,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Also, I would add that any physical changes to the body such as tats, piercings, etc. require consent that can be withdrawn.
Hug,
joey
hi joey
DeleteFor us that wouldnt be a valid reason for withdrawing consent, well within reason...if he wanted me pierced and tattooed all over to the extreme then i would have a problem with that lol...thankfully we are in agreement that neither of us would want that...in fact its me that would like more tattoos and piercings and he is not allowing it at the moment.
But i do think that this highlights how peoples reasonings for withdrawing consent differs..dependent on perhaps whats been agreed on?
x
tori,
ReplyDeletegood post. i think no matter the dynamic of a relationship, there is always situations where withdrawal from consent is there. This comes to part of negotiation in the beginning. It comes to trust as well. Do i trust my Dom will have my well being at all times. Absolutely, but life happens, and there are times that maybe He falters with it. It is all boils down to one thing - TRUST! Do you have enough trust in yourself to call that safeword when something truly feels off and not just because you are not in the 'mood' to submit. There is a difference between those two factors.
Yes trust is important..but also and something i didnt think to say and what mouse pointed out is lots of discussion, communicating so both know where each other stand.
Deletex
This was very well written and is really common sense. Being a mom will always come in first and that's just how it is. Even though sometimes that can be annoying, lol.
ReplyDeleteHis slut made an excellent point as well, if you abuse the fact that you could possibly withdraw consent, trust would be lost and that is hard to get back. That would probably be the end of our relationship.
It really does depend on the situation. One night when we both had a little too much to drink Master wanted to play which we did but it was unnerving because one didn’t know where is boundaries would fall that evening. Really it was fine, fun even but when we spoke about later it was decided by him that we would not play that way again. On those rare too much to drink occasions and if we did play (because let’s face it sometimes you make different decisions after you have been drinking) and there was even a bit of emotional discomfort slave could and should call it quits immediately without having to even discuss it later.
Yes definitley a bucket load of common sense, and an understanding of where one will draw the line.
Deleteoh we have played when we have been drinking but certainly nothing 'heavy' if he has been drinking a lot and is clearly drunk (which is rare) then we dont at all...possibly sex lol
x
I agree, I went into this a bit on my own blog a few days ago... one chooses to be someone's slave, and one can choose to stop being someone's slave. It's madness that so many people seem to think otherwise!
ReplyDeleteYep it is as simple as that at the very core.
DeleteNot something to be taken lightly nor should it be used as an easy way out.
x
Very good answer to a question that's never easy. This is why you have to be able to discuss and communicate very clearly on why you want this lifestyle to begin with.
ReplyDeleteOk three times now mouse has gone off on a rant and erased it..
Going to close now before it happens again..
Hugs,
mouse
hi mouse
DeleteOh yes, thats a point didnt think to mention but so important to really discuss indepth what both are wanting..there has to be an element of being on the same page.
sometimes a good rant is needed to get things off ones chest lol
x
Great post Tori, and very well said! I think it does come down to trust and what is acceptable within your relationship. I agree with Mouse, it's so important to discuss and communicate what each partners wants from this lifestyle in the beginning so that those boundaries hopefully aren't crossed.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
hi Roz
DeleteTrust is so important, common sense and yes what mouse said, both need to be on the same wavelength, to know what each other wants/needs/expects.
Communication is always a must.
x
tori,
ReplyDeleteI wonder sometimes how people make it work, in their heads, in a dynamic in which they say/believe/live having no option to withdraw consent. I can imagine situations in which i would withdraw consent - hypothetically - a lot of the same ones you talked about. i can't imagine them really coming to pass, but if they did.... But i can't imagine truly believing there was never an option to leave if the wildest, most unexpected thing did happen. That would make me feel trapped and helpless and hopeless rather than devoted and submissive. Maybe it can work though - i would be interested in hearing about it.
thanks for writing this.
gg,
ReplyDeletethose are pretty much what my thoughts are because these relationships are entered freely, because its wanted, consent is given....but the idea of not ever being able to leave (even in the circumstances i gave) would lead me to think then thats when a relationship potentially heads into abusive territory.
I think it could be worked through, although i imagine its very dependent on the circumstances...it would be good to hear of those that have withdrawn consent and then rebuilt it back up...its not something i have come across hearing about myself though.
x