Im not finished..re the last post...ok so i know its been like an hour or so since i posted it....but
Yes..i have had more time to think and...
Im pissed.
Because, i really do feel that she has projected her thoughts onto me.
ok so yes i admit im not always a very confident person, but you know thinking all about what we talked about..and especially the end part about her observation about how i say "i think..." a lot....and then when i wrote my last post...i have been dwelling on it more....and im not a happy camper.
I think she has over analysed why i say "i think" a lot....and oh i know all about over analysing!
it has nothing to do with needing validation or a lack of confidence...maybe its just simply the way i am....i think a lot, yes i overthink a lot.....
and im damned if im going to be made to feel that i have 'issues' that i really dont think i do.
You know maybe its simply that i have a lot going on at the moment, i dont handle change very well but many more people have real problems going on in their lives, and by comparison mine are very trivial....and maybe the best thing for me is to go with my dear old grans saying which is
if thrown in the water, you either choose to give in and sink or you swim with all that you got..
im a swimmer.
Really tori, mouse doesn't think you saying "I think" is looking for validation. Maybe it's just more an expression you use? If someone (in a position of authority) were to ask mouse if she liked herself or thought herself a nice person...mouse would totally answer the same.
ReplyDeleteNext time you go, tell the therapist there are plenty of positive things you know about yourself and you don't need a trivial homework assignment to prove the point.
Ok...mouse is being a teeny bit...insert bad word here...grumpy -- lol. Just don't like anyone telling you that saying the words "I think" is about needing validation...
If you tell someone how you feel then ask them if they agree...then yes that's looking for validation that its ok to feel that way.
But from your last couple posts it doesn't sound like that's what you do.
Hugs,
mouse
mouse,
Deletei have been seething about it most of the afternoon, i feel patronised, write a bloody list of positive things i know about myself!!! the more i think about it the more i seeth lol
Im thinking me and her are not going to mesh, but im prepared to give it another go...but am i doing the list? heck no...and i suspect that will be over analysed!
x
To me, I think is stating your opinion but being accepting that others mat have differing opinions. I'm with mouse, I don't see it as needing validation. I DO THINK that you'll swim with all you got and reach the shore just fine!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Fiona
yes, im inclined to agree, it just sounds more ..um less aggressive/arrogant than saying "I know"...although yes there is plenty i do know, when it comes to opinions they are personal so it is indeed what i think.
Deletethankyou
x
I agree with this. I say "I think" a lot and I do it because it is my option and not a fact. You may think you are a nice person but Sally Sue might think differently, of course Sally Sue would be wrong... but that's just what I think.
DeleteI agree with the others. When we are staying a fact that maybe we read from someone who had credentials don't we say, "Dr. Phil feels, says, thinks, etc." Why would that be any different when w refer to our opinion, etc. it isn't looking for validation, but stating this is our viewpoint. It may be right, it may be wrong, but it is our opnion.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should give up on counseling, though it may take time to find one you trust. Also, have you thought of finding one that understands, accepts, etc TTWD? I know they exist, just that I have no clue on how to go about finding one.
Yep thats it, its an opinion, a viewpoint, yes i realise i do say it a lot and i think its simply the way i speak.
DeleteI do agree that i think i need to check out a few more therapists, i dont see me and her connecting....i hadnt thought about one understanding ttwd, but its something worth considering.
thanks
x
When i was doing research on D/s, i came across this. i wish i had bookmarked the site. it talked about how some D/s couples go to therapy, and that there are therapists who exist in this world that understand and counsel on TTWD.
DeleteOnly reason why i suggested it is because it is a part of your life, so it reflects in how you carry yourself, how you act, etc and that without the therapist having this knowledge, it may make it harder to really connect and get the therapy you need. Maybe for now if you bring it up mention he is HOH, etc.
I'm not going to comment on the previous post, I'll just comment on this one.
ReplyDeleteFor the duration of this comment that will likely not make any sense, let's shelve the "I think" thing because I'm going to say it a lot and I'm not being sarcastic. It's just the way I talk.
I think I say that phase quite a bit, but didnt really think so until your last post. I think the reason I say it is because I don't say, "in my opinion." I say "I think" instead. I say it to not sound opinionated, to soften my opinion. I say it because it is what I think- what my thoughts are, not because I'm not confident (even though I am not a confident person.) I say it to invite other opinions to influence my thoughts. To say my word is not the last word.
There are times when I'm not sure. "I think the dog ran that way..."
I think (or I could say, in my opinion) all of these reasons are valid.
Did any of this make sense?
I think you say it because you're not a know it all conceited opinionated bitch. But what do I know?????
thanks Sarah
DeleteIts the way you talk....thankyou...its clearly the way i talk, there is nothing underlying it..its just the way i am..and im rattled that she is seeing more into than it is.
and yes if i said "i know" all the time, i would say that would come accross as arrogant, of course there are things i know, but when it comes opinions and thoughts..of which we all may differ in i think "i think" is more appropriate! lol
x
Oh, I forgot to add. Don't compare what you are going through with what others are going through. At one time or another we each have obstacles in our lives. It doesn't mean that one person's is worse than the others. When you look at the big picture, it's still an obstacle you either choose to overcome or throw in the towel. Each obstacle you successfully conquer makes you stronger. That is where your focus should be, as we all have current levels of strength and shit thrown our way. Comparing and saying yours is trivial is kind of like saying you are needy, ungrateful, unimportant, and should be able to suck it up and suffer. That is far from the truth. Again, we all have different obstacles. Just learn from yours so it gets easier when the next one is thrown your way. Oh, all of this is how I think. :)
ReplyDeleteI know i shouldnt, and i appreciate we all handle things differently, it was a big thing for me to admit and accept that i need some 'help' with all whats going on (mostly mum related, dealing with those feelings).
DeleteI have been so sceptical about therapy, im british we have the stiff upper lip mentality of getting on with it lol....but i know i need it...there i said i know not i think lmao.
x
You have always come across as a confident person, on this blog as well as in any email correspondence we have had.
ReplyDeleteYou are right not to let your therapist put you in a certain box because of the habit of a saying. You should let her know how you feel about it and if it does not go well from there find a new one.
Swim on.
thankyou dancing
DeleteFor the most part i am confident, but for sure in some circumstances im not, but i do think thats pretty normal...whatever normal is lol
Im going to give her another go, put my points accross about how that session made me feel.....if it doesnt turn around then yep i think its time to look for someone else.
x
I wonder... you see, that is my little foible. I don't think, I wonder. Has the therapist simply picked up on your verbal expressions? You know what emotions sit behind those words and there is nothing wrong with overthinking, if it helps you find your way in life.
ReplyDeleteWhy alter the way you speak and communicate, especially if it makes you self-conscious.
HS is right, don't compare.
hugs
DF
I think lol yes that she has picked up on my usage of saying it and completley made it into something its not, its just what i say in expressing my opinion...like you saying i wander.
DeleteI know comparing isnt good and its not so much i think im doing that because i appreciate that we all handle things differently...im just ranting..coz im feeling patronised about what she said.
thankyou
x
tori please don't stress out about this! It may be a sign that the two of you aren't a good match, or she really could be seeing something in you that you're not totally aware of.
ReplyDeleteWe all have phrases we say that don't mean anything. They become habit and part of our speech. And we're taught not to be conceited and to always be polite, i suspect most of us would answer with an "i think so" and not a straightforward yes. Not to mention "are you a good person?" is a very loaded question... good how and in what ways???
I've only ever clicked with a male therapist for reasons just like this. Women are always looking for some kind of hidden meaning or agenda in things that are said. Geesh, just look what we do to our poor husbands lol! Then when they put on a therapist hat, it gets worse. My therapist is a gay man. For me this is the perfect combination of sensitivity and straight-forwardness.
hi chickadee
Deletethankyou.
I probably shouldnt stress but im more peeved than anything and feeling patronised that she has read more into something than it actually is.
You made me chuckle though...yes i think its a female trait to read more into things..well i know i do...oh god i better not mention that...or else that will get over analysed.
I dont think, based on how im feeling now that we are going to be a good match...maybe a man would be a better choice...i think its back to looking around.
thankyou
x
Sometimes when I comment on others blogs I use phrases like 'seems like' or 'I think' or 'perhaps'...I use them because here or in everyday life as well, I have no way of knowing someone's whole life. We see a portion. I also think that there are few things in life that are truly known. Much of life is a matter of opinion and perception.
ReplyDeleteLook at this as a chance to find out something about yourself and explore this part of your personality. You now KNOW that you simply think a lot.
hugs
p
Big hugs is all I really know to say..I'm not in a good place myself lately so I'm not very encouraging but I do know counselors will say things that bother us but helps us
ReplyDeleteThankyou daisy
DeleteI have calmed a bit now lol so i do see and understand what your saying and she did have a lot of helpful things to say but in respect of analysing why i say "i think" a lot i think she is well off the mark.
x
I think (ahem) that expressions like "I think" are part of our vocabulary for several reasons. One of those being because it's true--when stating an opinion, we're saying what we think!!
ReplyDeleteI see it more as a humble approach than a need for validation...My brain has been feeling a bit slow these days, but I'm missing a connection between that kind of statement and a need for validation...
Feeling patronized sucks. Good luck figuring it out with her or moving on to someone different.
Exactly lil
DeleteI really was raging about it yesterday, i have calmed a bit now...but just like you said i really cant see where she has jumped from i think....meaning needing validation.
I wander if she picked up on it because it was my first session, i was nervous and im not great at talking feelings and because she doesnt know me...how i speak etc she has read way more into it than there is lol
Im going back to see how it goes when i tell her how i feel about all this but i just have a gut feeling im going to be looking elsewhere.
x
Hi Tori,
ReplyDeleteAs I said in my comment on your previous post this is sometime I do quite often as well. I tend to agree with everyone else. There are various reasons we use this phrase ... because we aren't sure, to invite other's opinions or perhaps because we don't feel we have all of the information necessary in order to give a 'qualified' opinion.
Hugs,
Roz
hi Roz
DeleteYep i do it a lot, i know i do, now im really paranoid about it lol
But its the way i am, and yes its because a way of expressing ones opinion, because when it comes to ones thoughts they are individual rather than saying i know..
if that makes any sense at all lol
x
tori,
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath. You have taken a big step by seeing someone. That takes courage. Many of us have taken that step. It is really hard to bare your inner feelings.
The therapist has good intentions, I know her assignment bothers you, but she is trying.
When you say I think, I just view it as an expression not self doubt. Tell the therapist how you feel.
Big Hug,
joey
Saying "I think" is just a habit, like any of the other habits we acquire, I don't think it necessarily says anything about you one way or another.. Listing 10 positive things about yourself is an awesome exercise, though.
ReplyDelete(hugs)