Tuesday 6 August 2013

Morning lightbulbs..and not even a cup of coffee

As much as it has been a pleasure having my niece to stay, it was nice to see my brother arrive to take her home, it had been a busy week, a fun filled week but tiring.

Yesterday it was nice to just wake up and have nothing planned for the day, and as i sat in bed i started grinning to myself, thinking about the bossman, you know those secret sort of grins where if people looked at you they would think your bonkers? 

Things change, and although im not a fan of change, i dont tend to cope with it too well, sometimes its subtle and it takes a while for to get that realisation of "oh, i have just noticed" , i was thinking of in the morning when on waking sometimes he pushes my head down, he doesnt need to vocalise what he wants its pretty obvious, and i suck on his cock, or he will just use my body and take whatever hole he feels like.

Mostly at these times its just about getting him off, its all about his needs, if i enjoy it then thats a bonus and mostly i do, it gets me off and he rarely has left me unsatisfied myself, this particular morning, there was no orgasm for me, he took what he wanted and that was that.

and im ok with this, i had this realisation this morning that actually i havent orgasmed for over a month approximatley, and i havent complained, heck normally there would be a rant about the unfairness of this on here...but nope...i can honestly say im not fazed by this.

Denying me orgasms has in the past been used to discipline me, because of course i like cumming, i like masturbating and as great as using 'toys' are nothing compares to being brought to orgasm from sex, by his hand...but i havent and i dont know when i will again...and i dont care...at this moment that is.

Its simply not something i have a say in, and why it has taken me so long to have this realisation, i dont know but even though i know its his choice it has previously caused me angst when i have been denied, i have dwelled on it.

So to suddenly realise that it has been so long since i have cum and i havent complained about it or even brought it to his attention, or thought about it until now, makes me wander how this change has come about without me even realising it.

Im happy, as long as his needs are being met then im happy with that, my need is simply to serve his him.......and i have always been perfectly happy with that in regards to everything else but sex or more specifically me climaxing.....and now well i get it, i get what he means when this subject has come up,  im not feeling resentment that he has been getting pleasure and i havent...because i have been getting enjoyment from pleasing him.







16 comments:

  1. sometimes i get pleasure from pleasing him. and forget myself.

    but sometimes i'm a needy whiny little girl. but BIKSS lets me be that. so it's a win-win for me :)

    you, on the other hand, are in such a beautiful place.

    *hugs*

    I enjoyed reading this post!

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    Replies
    1. thanks Fondles

      Im just feeling in a really good place at the moment, hopefully it will last, im more shocked that i hadnt even noticed myself until now lol

      x

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  2. tori,

    You seem very happy and content. He uses any hole he wants and you are happy just to please him.

    Hug,
    joey

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    Replies
    1. I am joey, all is good and i shouldnt think negatively but i keep thinking "when will the bubble burst".

      x

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  3. Tori,

    From all my research, etc., it appears you have reached full submission. Your post makes it so beautiful, and a reminder to is finding our ways what full submission entails. You no longer think of yourself, and have truly become an extension of his body. Again, beautiful.

    H.S.

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    Replies
    1. hi HS

      I confess i have not come accross the term 'full submission' before.

      All i know is that it seems lately everything is 'falling into place' and im still wandering whats triggered these feelings all of a sudden...heck i just over-think full stop! lol

      x

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  4. Hi Tori,
    I was thinking along the same lines as H.S. reading this; you are wonderfully submissive. Me on the other hand would be climbing the walls for an O.
    Lovely post.
    Hugs DF

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    Replies
    1. thanks DF

      its funny because those who know me in r/l would certainly not choose submissive (or similar) to describe me, but within this relationship yes, he brought it out of me and continues to do so.

      thanks again

      x

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  5. I'm not good with change either. Don't like it. But sometimes change can be good.

    It sounds like you are in a totally selfless place. I hope to be there....oneday. Hey, my orgasms are important to me.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. lol Bonnie, at the moment im ok with it all..next week could be a full on rant lol

      I feel like at the moment its all coming together, but then its not always so easy.

      x

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  6. Yes its nice when realize things and the growth in ourselves.

    good for you!!

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    1. Thanks

      He has been saying to me for years about how pleasing him will bring me pleasure, and most of the time he is spot on but i have disagreed about this on many occassions with him...and now he can get to say "I told you so" lol

      x

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  7. Wow - it sounds like you are in a good place. A few weeks ago he wouldn't let me masturbate before I went to sleep and I was freaking out...... I still have a long way to go. :) hugs

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    1. thanks saturn

      Yep in a really good place at the moment, just have to hope it lasts.

      Its taken me a long time, and i think i still have a long way to go..there is always room for improvement in everything i think.

      x

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  8. Love this. What a great place you're in!!
    It's good to keep learning and growing and sounds like your mastering this just fine. :)

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    1. hi Sarah

      I am feeling really good at the moment, but part of me is wandering when the bubble will burst, i know i shouldnt be so pessimistic lol

      x

      Delete