Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Its ok to feel lost, there is nothing wrong with you

A question from D on my post 'So the flip side'

"Tori, not even sure what blog to post on. Please don't be offended with me asking questions as you and your partner are way more advanced in this... Just trying to understand myself more and I really enjoy reading your blogs. Enough with the rambling, I am a loving wife and enjoy giving my husband's pleasure and also enjoy pain (90% in the bedroom). I am finding it hard to focus; maybe I'm just overthinking during. I'm not sure. Have you ever had to deal with this? (new into this). I mean I don't need to get off. Just knowing him being there for a couple of days thrills me but I'm just wondering If somethings wrong with me. If it's a waste of your time to respond I understand, I'm just so lost! Love your blog. Lots of love, D"

ok, please dont feel its a waste of my time and that i would be offended, you have given me something to post about lol

Ahhh the overthinking is common, honestly im terrible for it and i know there are others on my blogroll that have this affliction as well lol...im still pondering if this a submissive trait or is just women!

Im not sure what you mean about finding it hard to focus..do you mean in general? or during 'scenes'?

Its a lot to take on board when its all new, its all exciting because we are experiencing new things, perhaps things we have only ever fantasised about...it can be very overwhelming, scary and exciting all at the same time.

There is a term called 'sub frenzy' have you heard of it? its very common and normal, its basically (and this is my interpretation) where one is caught up so much in all these new and exciting experiences and we want it all now, its like all our senses are working overtime and there is a constant hunger for more....it makes it difficult to focus on any particular aspect.

There is nothing wrong with you.  Honestly post this question on any blog (look to the right on my blogroll, anyone of them) and im 99% confident they will say the same....there is nothing wrong with you.

But i do understand, i think, why you may have these thoughts, occassionaly i have moments of thinking im not 'normal' what we do, what i enjoy isnt 'normal' because some of it isnt understood, its not like you can talk to your mates about it for fear of what they will think.

I hope that helps in some way.




29 comments:

  1. What? Wait! We're not supposed to feel lost???? Oh crap! lol Every day I wonder what the hell we're doing. This isn't "normal", but "normal" never made me happy. We've had our ups and downs and have struggled lately, but "normal" isn't even an option anymore. I don't think any of us really know what we're doing. We're all exploring and changing and even those who have been at this a long time still have exploring to do. We're all fumbling around in the dark...that's part of the fun and excitement of it. I'd say to "D", Welcome to the Club!

    hugs
    p

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    1. Yes i agree, i think no matter how long anyone has been at it, we still have to open to learning more..even if its about ourselves..thats always a good thing.

      what is normal? lol

      x

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  2. Excellent question. Terrific answer tori.

    I am not sure what she meant by finding it hard to focus.

    Agree with you and PS, no one has all the answers.

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    1. thanks

      I think half the time thats what causes the overthinking...searching for answers when sometimes its just best to 'be'.

      x

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  3. Great answer!
    Nothing wrong with her at all.

    I have been considering forming a club just for overthinkers. It would have lots of women in it and span across the globe...Lol.

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    1. thanks lil

      ooh a club would be a good idea, i think it could possibly be more popular Facebook lol

      x

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  4. Overthinkers club? I want to join please, though let me think about it for a bit first lol

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    1. lol....you can be president of the club..when you have finished thinking about it!

      x

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  5. LMAO @ DelFonte, I was going to put something similar.

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    1. great minds think alike...or is it fools seldom differ lol

      x

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  6. I'm in the overthinkers club too!

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  7. Great answer, Tori. I'm lost so much of the time, I think I'm found!!!
    I'm in the overthinkers club, too!!

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    1. yeah i think i should have a gps implanted into me....coz im constantly getting lost lol

      x

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  8. Yes during scenes... There's just so much going on sometimes I can't wrap my head around it all. When I do try to wrap my head around it all I feel that I'm overthinking. Sometimes I'm able to just shut it all off and stop thinking and other times I just can't. The thought of also not being normal in most eyes, most people would think there's something wrong with me, definitely just puts it all over the top. -d

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    1. Thank you for explaining. I felt that way during a hard scene a week ago. I was thinking about how people would judge me.

      So, yes, welcome to the over thinkers club.

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    2. Sometimes, i find bondage helps, being blindfolded, for some this might make it worse...but for me it brings about a sense of calmness, where all these jumbled thoughts disappear and im focused on just 'being'.

      When it comes to other people, its best (and i know its not easy) to switch off from others perceptions of you, how about starting a blog...this is a really supportive place without judgement?

      x

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    3. Thank you for taking the time to offer out advice. I just hope I can figure it out. This actually happened during bondage but maybe a blindfold would help because I think I would have less things to thing about lol. It's just hard to let go, especially because I'm a go getter when it comes to work. Thank you again. :). -d

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    4. No problem at all, anytime.
      x

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    5. Anonymous,
      That's a common thing you'll see in blog land. Just because we're submissive to our DOM in no way implies that we are week in life. Frequently we can be strong willed , smart, go getters. But society has spent so long demonizing submission that we question. Just remember, as long as its safe, sane and consensual and doing no harm to others, then if it makes you happy and your partner happy, it's right and normal for you!!

      Hugs,
      Fiona

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  9. Thank you sooooooo much for this post! I do believe some weight just lifted off my shoulders.

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    1. Im glad it helped in some way Misty.

      x

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  10. I'm part of the over thinkers club as well. :)

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    1. Well we are filling up quickly...welcome lol

      x

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  11. I'm an over thinker. Also, I doubt I can clearly recall a single 'scene'. I get lost in the rush of things pretty quickly.

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    1. See i knew it was popular this overthinking lol

      Sometimes a scene i find is a blur, i may remember little bits, its much, much later that it all comes back to me.

      x

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  12. I think, then rethink, then dream about it, then think about the dream. UGH!!

    I shook my head in understanding at the questions. I have asked the same, time and time again. And I go in waves...acceptance and then questioning, then Acceptance......

    I'm so glad that the commenter took a chance and left the question. Your answer was fabulous!!

    Hugs (to you both),
    Fiona

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  13. hi Fiona

    I do think these are all valid questions that most of us have, most especially in the beginning..heck sometimes i still question "am i normal?" lol

    thanks

    x

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