This bloody post has been sat in drafts, edited and adapted so many times in the last week, so sod it, i cant edit anymore, its going out as is.
I had been having this debate with a friend about what makes M/s relationships (generally understood to be Master/slave) different to D/s relationships(Dominant/submissive)?
It was quite a heated debate, we are both very opinionated, i dont agree with the hierarchy theory..ie that M/s is superior to D/s and D/s is superior to Top/bottom..i think its just simply that we all have different needs.....i like, need and thrive on being controlled.
Its like my thoughts on this could well differ from someone elses thoughts on M/s.
I think M/s is focused on TPE, the dominant has control over every aspect of the submissives life that he chooses to, its total, nothing held back, the dominant possesses the submissive, like in history where Masters owned slaves, they were property.....whereas this is consensual slavery, it is chosen...the focus is perhaps on internal enslavement...ie its not about kinky sex or s/m (although yes these are usually present in some form).
Ok so the inevitable question that might be asked..how am i defining slave...and this is the best explanation which works for me..
This is from the definition of "slave" in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: "One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights."
Adding again that this is based on consent.
So bearing in mind of how i have explained M/s, i would say that this applies to those that are 24/7, simply because of the intensity and TPE implying total....you cant in my mind have this total control over someone when its not day in..day out,...but its not about being 'superior' that i am totally sure of.
ps yes we are still bickering (nicely) over this.
I agree with you!
ReplyDeletethanks, its a subject that can cause such intense feelings...but yet nobody actually being wrong.
Deletex
I agree with you. We all have different needs; therefore, the need is what depicts the type of relationship. No relationship has greater power than the other.
ReplyDeleteYes i think it is about needs, none being any better than the other.
Deletex
I agree with you. It is not a matter of superior. I think instead it is a matter of the degree of control with M/s as the most and Top/bottom the least.
ReplyDeleteAlso, there is not one definition. Each couple defines their lifestyle within the context of their everyday life.
Hug,
joey
Joey, you have summed it up so much better than me lol
DeleteI agree that there is not one definion, this is mine but for sure someone else in an M/s relationship could very well have a different opinion.
x
I agree with you however I can say Tyler doesn't have total control over me all the time but he does simply because if he wanted to say you have to come straight home after work he could..he chooses what he controls and what he doesn't so I could see what u mean...I don't know what our relationship is but we don't have safe words, I don't have say in the discipline...I gave him complete control..however we have been together 18yrs....hmmm this is a great HOT TOPIC lol...but when opinionated I give easily because I don't like to bicker. anyway great post
ReplyDeleteIt is a hot topic, which is why its been sitting in drafts..because im so concious of causing offence, i wanted to make sure i had worded it in such a way it wouldnt.
Deletex
Love this post!!!
ReplyDeleteI love how you said one lifestyle isn't superior over another.
And I was going to say something similar to Joey. But he said it better :)
Thanks
DeleteYes joey hit the nail straight on the head, i agree,
x
Makes total sense to me.
ReplyDeletethankyou Misty.
Deletex
Not sure I really get all the nuanced differences between those, but I do know that the idea of being a slave is a huge turn on to me. One of the reasons I love writing medievals is because the women were property. :)
ReplyDeleteYes i do love medieval stories because it just fits in so much better than modern fiction.
DeleteI think joey got it right when he said its different levels of control.
x
Great post Tori, I agree, I don't think it's about which lifestyle is 'superior' and also think these terms can mean different things to different couples.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
thankyou Roz
DeleteThat was the main gist of the debate, i really dont see M/s as in any way being superior its just different...and different does not equate to better.
x
I think this topic is kind of like arguing religion or politics...no matter what you aren't going to change the other persons mind on what they think and believe. Everyone sees it differently, and there is nothing wrong with that. What matters most is that what you do with your relationship and how you define it works for you. Call it whatever you want, it's your relationship and the labels really have no bearing on it whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteHaving said all that, my personal view is that the difference between D/s and M/s is the level of involvement and the level of control and power exchanged. In M/s the slave typically has no rights, no limits, and no ultimate say. Whereas in D/s the sub retains some of those rights and ability to set limits. Either way, it is fully consensual, and all has to do with the level of control and involvement of the power exchange within the relationship. One being better or more superior than the other really doesn't even play into it, imo. It just depends on what the two people involved want from each other and the relationship.
DV
Hi DV
DeleteYes i absolutley agree, what my point was, more in the debate with friend is that i so strongly disagree that M/s is 'better' or more 'superior', absolutley even with my definion of M/s, someone else in an M/s dynamic could very well have a very different opinion.
But ultimatley it is about what the 2 people involved want it to be.
x
I like your definition very much, tori.
ReplyDelete