Every so often something crops up, i read or hear something that just gives me bad vibes, the red flags are waving furiously and i move on, its difficult to comment positively on something that one so vehemently disagrees with, and rather than cause offence its best to say nothing at all...instead i come here to my own little corner.
There are not many things bdsm, tpe or lets just shove it all under the ttwd umbrella, wise that i feel so strongly are wrong...but one of these is the handling of safewords.
Just to get it out of the way, personally we dont use them, not now, we used to, and when we played with others we did, but this isnt about 'us' its about the general understanding/usage of safewords.
Whats got me so riled? this type of scenario
'the submissive is scared, its new what her dominant wants to do, its ok to be scared, he tells her that she has her safeword and she should use it if it all gets too much, however if she does not only does the scene stop but its over...him and her, any chance of a relationship is gone!'
thats not bloody dominating, its bullying.
and you know, this submissive she goes through with it because she doesnt want to lose him, even though its much more than she can handle and she enjoyed no part of it at all, she puts on the brave face but inside its tearing her apart, but like most submissive its that desire to please, i get that, its what drives me most of the time.....that needing to please.
and the taunting of..
'good submissives/slaves dont have safewords, they are only for the newbies'
what a crock of shit! if he doesnt inspire you to submit and has to resort to emotional blackmail to get what he wants, he aint worth your submission.
if a dominant utters that, my advice? walk away...you could have 6 months or 20 years experience and have a safeword, doesnt matter if others dont....they arent you!
There isnt a bloody expiry date on safewords, they are there for as long as they are wanted or needed, having them or indeed not having them doesnt make anyone less or more 'better', using them doesnt make one weak or not as 'good'....and no matter what...if that word is uttered....
it should damn well be respected.
The submissive shouldnt be made to feel guilty, or that she has let her dominant down..and yes personally when we had one, i had used it...and yeah i did feel 'bad' and i think thats kind of normal to have those feelings....but they were my feelings......
but the Dominant, he should be reassuring, supportive, if it is used.....its a time to talk, address whats happened, what could have been done differently etc
ok got that off my chest....rant over.