Monday 14 January 2013

The P word

Im a grown women, fast approaching 40 (too fast), im well educated (i know i come accross as scatty..that would be because i am), so why the hell would i 'consent' to having punishment in our relationship?

Because i have agreed to obey, to pursue a tpe dynamic, to be Owned completley and this comes with boundries, very well defined ones and rules, if i choose to disobey (and it is a choice, no matter what excuses i may come up with) i am in effect choosing to disregard his authority and therefore his control over me, its disrespectful.

For some reason, the idea of having punishment in a relationship seems to be misunderstood, which i find amusing....its acceptable to engage in s/m, to be humilitated etc but the 'P' word well not so much.  Dont get me wrong, like many aspects of ttwd there is no 'one size fits all' it will be beneficial to some and not to others, we dont do maintenence spankings etc but yet thats more 'acceptable' and understood.

Punishment is not 'playtime', it is by its very defintion a consequence of unwanted behaviour/actions, its certainly not something i would 'act up' for or to get pain, if i want pain i simply ask, but contrary to what is often assummed punishment does not necessarily have to be c/p.

Nor do i obey him through fear of punishment, i obey him because im submissive and i want/need to please him so when i dont, punishment perhaps is more about meeting my needs than it is about him getting a kick out of punishing me....he doesnt....he would much rather i was obedient. 

Its meeting my needs (as much as i dont like it) because when i displease him it creates this feeling almost like a punch to the stomach and i feel sick, im desperate to 'make things right', its my fault that i have created these feelings and yet i look to him to make them go away, i will ask/beg him, and so he will punish me, it absolves these feelings and gives closure...for him it defines the statement of ..actions have consequences.

I am not punished for mistakes nor are they given on a whim and i am not punished very often, they are not always 'extreme' quite often they really dont need to be, as much as is possible the punishment will fit the crime..but most of all when they are given no matter how it is determined it is done with an understanding of why.






14 comments:

  1. Hoorah. A wanderful explanation of the use of punishment.

    Peter

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    1. Thankyou, im guessing your British...what with the use of hoorah..such an English term!

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  2. Replies
    1. Thanks, these thoughts have been swimming in my head for a while so i thought i better get them down lol

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  3. Thanks for sharing your insights on punishment. Interesting that you will beg him for it.

    FD

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    1. I think FD that its a way i express to him that im sorry and that i need to be punished, i need him to know that i acknowledge my behaviour was un-acceptable.

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  4. I like the way you explained the P word.

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    1. Thanks joey, i just felt its something that gets misunderstood a lot.

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  5. I can't beg for punishment. I feel the same as you, that it absolves me, frees me from some of the guilt, but though I may grudgingly admit that I need it, I have never managed to beg for it. So if he doesn't want to punish then I have to deal with it some other way.

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    1. I found it difficult at first but then as i said to FD i get desperate, i need him to know that i am genuinely sorry and i need to put things right.

      There are times he hasnt punished me because he hasnt felt its warranted and yes i have to accept that.

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  6. I am the same, if I know I have broken a rule, or have disappointed him, I will not feel right in my own heart until correction is given. I have asked, I need the air to be clear between us. The first time he had given grace and I asked for correction he was angry, but he understands after discussing it that it leaves things unresolved in my heart. Great post, tori!

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Thats exactly it June, i dont like having things unresolved and punishment eases those feelings, takes them away.
      Thankyou

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  7. Yes, I agree! Always interesting when we talk about ttwd, that punishment, of all things, is the one thing that will make people turn their heads and say "Oh, we dont do that".

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    1. I think that perhaps punishment is misunderstood, of course its going to mean different things to people, but i do find it funny that its ok for maintence to occur (which personally i dont 'get') but mention punishment and well people sometimes cant get their head around it.

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