There is a post on a blog, i wont link to it. It's ruffled a few feathers and i know im not the only one its had this effect on, it made me think however, and i do like that. Its made me think about how we view our submission, or more to the point how our submission is defined. Submission to a certain extent is personal, 'my' submission isnt necessarily going to be the same as 'your' submission but does it make any of us any less submissive than the other?
If i state that sometimes i need to be forced, to be pushed does this mean im not submissive? because surely if im submissive i shouldnt need to be, i should willingly and enthusiastically submit to his every command..shouldnt i?
I aim and strive to be obedient and pleasing, but i know this is going to be completley out there and totally an unreasonable statement and i cant help it but im human...i know..i did say it was going to be totally out there! so because im human, i have emotions, i think, i feel and sometimes (shocker alert coming up) i struggle to submit and it brings about these conflicts because i want/need to please him and yet.....i get afraid and because im afraid i 'fight' against his dominance/control.
(i apologise for the touch of sarcasm above)
I trust him and within what has been agreed in our relationship i have consented for him to choose and decide if and when i need pushing or to be forced, because sometimes i need it, to get me where i need to be and im all the better for it.
Sometimes i like being 'forced', i like that he will make me submit, then i feel guilty because he would much rather i was obedient...but...as long as i dont refuse to obey just to be forced (that he wont tolerate) he rather quite likes it to.
Sometimes he will wait me out, he will play the waiting game, there doesnt need to be force, i will sooner or later 'come around' and i will willingly ask and submit to what previously i balked at, i may have just needed time to process and come to terms with it.
Its dependent on the situation, there are too many variables for me to say what method works best and when but yet the result is the same, sometimes submission isnt easy and when it isnt and its a struggle and there needs to be a push or to play the waiting game..thats ok.