There is a post on a blog, i wont link to it. It's ruffled a few feathers and i know im not the only one its had this effect on, it made me think however, and i do like that. Its made me think about how we view our submission, or more to the point how our submission is defined. Submission to a certain extent is personal, 'my' submission isnt necessarily going to be the same as 'your' submission but does it make any of us any less submissive than the other?
If i state that sometimes i need to be forced, to be pushed does this mean im not submissive? because surely if im submissive i shouldnt need to be, i should willingly and enthusiastically submit to his every command..shouldnt i?
Hmmm.
I aim and strive to be obedient and pleasing, but i know this is going to be completley out there and totally an unreasonable statement and i cant help it but im human...i know..i did say it was going to be totally out there! so because im human, i have emotions, i think, i feel and sometimes (shocker alert coming up) i struggle to submit and it brings about these conflicts because i want/need to please him and yet.....i get afraid and because im afraid i 'fight' against his dominance/control.
(i apologise for the touch of sarcasm above)
I trust him and within what has been agreed in our relationship i have consented for him to choose and decide if and when i need pushing or to be forced, because sometimes i need it, to get me where i need to be and im all the better for it.
Sometimes i like being 'forced', i like that he will make me submit, then i feel guilty because he would much rather i was obedient...but...as long as i dont refuse to obey just to be forced (that he wont tolerate) he rather quite likes it to.
Sometimes he will wait me out, he will play the waiting game, there doesnt need to be force, i will sooner or later 'come around' and i will willingly ask and submit to what previously i balked at, i may have just needed time to process and come to terms with it.
Its dependent on the situation, there are too many variables for me to say what method works best and when but yet the result is the same, sometimes submission isnt easy and when it isnt and its a struggle and there needs to be a push or to play the waiting game..thats ok.
Yes. Nothing more to add. There is no one size fits all to submission. Everyone has their own journey, and how they get there is between them and their partner in the relationship. There is no wrong way to get there. Sometimes you need a push. And even if you *are* one of the subs that do not need the push then great for you. But do not try and tell me I am less of a sub because I need the nudge sometimes...........
ReplyDeleteyep im just nodding along, its each to their own.
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Tee hee, I just found out today that I am not truly submissive. But it's not the first time I don't fit into someone else's mold of submission and I'm sure it won't be the last.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand about being 'forced' to submit and then wishing you could have just been the perfect submissive all the time, like they seem to want (or do they?). And I also understand the waiting game, about coming around later and then willingly submitting.
I think submission is so complex and beautiful any way you look at it.
love, squirrel
squirrel if i could have a £1 for every time it has been suggested that im not submissive or my relationship is abusive i would be a millionaire lol
DeleteAs i think you said on a post there is 'no one size fits all'
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I did not read the post you reference. I agree with you that I do not think that submission is easy. And, I believe that even if we are very submissive, there are days or weeks when we are just not feeling it.
ReplyDeleteHug,
joey
hi joey
DeleteGosh yes there are definitley times i dont feel it and its those times its not easy...if it were always easy i wander if that is un-realistic goal.
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IF you need/want to be forced it does not make you less submissive or not submissive. I need forced submission. I don't need it all the time but, for certain types of scenes. Why? Because it has nothing to do with my desire to submit. It has to do with my guilt and my self image I have. If I am forced to do an act that I feel is too dirty, then it removes the guilt from me. Sir chooses to take that burden from me. Does it mean I wouldn't do it if I wasn't forced? I probably would but it would become a whole issue of complexity that we don't always want. Some times I'm just feeling shy and Sir is impatient, lol. Personally, there are times when I just enjoy the struggle.
ReplyDeleteSubmission is different for each of us and different with each relationship. Honestly, there are things I will do with Sir that I would have never done with previous Doms. No one can tell you if you are or aren't submissive. I've been told I am. I've been told I'm not. The truth is I'm submissive at heart and only the one I love is lucky enough to see it. I show other Doms respect but I don't show them submission. Their standards really shouldn't matter to you.
Thats an element i had not taken into account but yes very definitley, sometimes force does remove accountability/guilt.
DeleteIt is very different for us all, there may be similarities but not every relationship are the same because we as people are not all the same.
thanks
x
if we didn't need to be coaxed, nudged, pushed, and persuaded into doing something we're not entirely comfortable with, there would be nothing to submit to because we'd already be a doormat. if everything was about saying YES readily, it would lose the submissive flavour.
ReplyDeletei say this because i believe there has to be some sort of wanting to NOT do something and YET overcoming that and doing it anyway for our Masters' pleasure, to submit to THEIR will. if i wanted to do something anyway how is that submitting to what he wants me to do?
not everything can be something we BOTH want. at the same time. to the same extent. we're not carbon copies of each other after all!
That pretty much is how i feel fondles, this is a subject that tends to make emotions run high and i would like to think im open to others opinions i just dont like people spouting how it 'should' be done.
Deletethanks
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I hate that certain people feel submission means being a robot where you just wonder around saying "yes sir" all the time.
ReplyDeleteNo two people are alike, that is what makes this world we live in so interesting.
yep i agree, for the most part i do obey because well im submissive but always easy? heck no.
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The common thread in all of these comments is that when pushed, when forced to submit they do in fact submit. Therefore I don't think anyone would see them as anything less than submissive.
ReplyDeleteYes this is very true, i think as long as submission is acheived how its acheived is down to the couple.
Deletex
hi torii,
ReplyDeleteyanno, mouse commented but that comment turned into a post...So, she put it on her own blog --since mouse hasn't a clue what to blog about anyway....
LOL
Hugs,
mouse
hi mouse
DeleteI have read and just commented (ok wrote an essay) on your post, its definitley a topic that emotions are running high in lol
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I will never ever get why people put strict ideas on things such as what it is to be "true" submissive, masochistic, sadist, Dominate.
ReplyDeleteAll in all when all is said and done, we are human with real human emotions. I can not in my hart of hart believe that one person can be completely and "truly" any of said above. We are way more complex then that.
We react, we struggle, we try the best we can but no one can live up to the ideas of what it means to be "true" to anything. I think any one who says they are 100% "true" to any said above are only lying to themselves, fooling themselves in a false reality. I would rather be honest with myself and live my life according to me. Not such rules as what it means to be "true", that seem to me to go ageist human nature.
That is my thought on said subject.
Thank you Tori for bringing such a good discussion to light.
Hi Anna May
DeleteThis discussion as you know has caused quite a hullaballoo in bloggerland.
The problem i think is when absolutes are made people get defensive that they are being critiscised and hand up i got defensive.
But i do believe that ultimatley every couple are different in what works for them.
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I love this post and all the comments are great as well! Fondles said what I was thinking. For me, I want him to push my limits, and even if I push back at first, its only because I need his guidance and reassurance. Ultimately, I WANT to submit to his every desire, but I do have a brain. I do have thoughts and feelings. If I so easily submitted to his every wish, where has my personality gone? Im no robot, and he likes it that way. Ill be honest, sometimes being forced into submission is more freeing for me than anything else.
ReplyDeletehi Kitty
DeleteThanks and i agree there is something about being forced into submission that is freeing i just cant put my finger on what exactly.
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