The P word

Im a grown women, fast approaching 40 (too fast), im well educated (i know i come accross as scatty..that would be because i am), so why the hell would i 'consent' to having punishment in our relationship?

Because i have agreed to obey, to pursue a tpe dynamic, to be Owned completley and this comes with boundries, very well defined ones and rules, if i choose to disobey (and it is a choice, no matter what excuses i may come up with) i am in effect choosing to disregard his authority and therefore his control over me, its disrespectful.

For some reason, the idea of having punishment in a relationship seems to be misunderstood, which i find amusing....its acceptable to engage in s/m, to be humilitated etc but the 'P' word well not so much.  Dont get me wrong, like many aspects of ttwd there is no 'one size fits all' it will be beneficial to some and not to others, we dont do maintenence spankings etc but yet thats more 'acceptable' and understood.

Punishment is not 'playtime', it is by its very defintion a consequence of unwanted behaviour/actions, its certainly not something i would 'act up' for or to get pain, if i want pain i simply ask, but contrary to what is often assummed punishment does not necessarily have to be c/p.

Nor do i obey him through fear of punishment, i obey him because im submissive and i want/need to please him so when i dont, punishment perhaps is more about meeting my needs than it is about him getting a kick out of punishing me....he doesnt....he would much rather i was obedient. 

Its meeting my needs (as much as i dont like it) because when i displease him it creates this feeling almost like a punch to the stomach and i feel sick, im desperate to 'make things right', its my fault that i have created these feelings and yet i look to him to make them go away, i will ask/beg him, and so he will punish me, it absolves these feelings and gives closure...for him it defines the statement of ..actions have consequences.

I am not punished for mistakes nor are they given on a whim and i am not punished very often, they are not always 'extreme' quite often they really dont need to be, as much as is possible the punishment will fit the crime..but most of all when they are given no matter how it is determined it is done with an understanding of why.