Saturday, 19 January 2013

I confuse myself sometimes

Because i like it should be enough.

It should be enough.  Its not.  Its easier to say "i have no choice" or i reason that he is the boss and if he wants to do these 'nasty' things to me, im doing it to please him..these are valid reasons.

There are things i dont like and would rather not have to do, but yet if he were to say we will no longer do them..i would miss them....because

I like having to submit to things i dont like doing.

Or maybe im not being honest with myself and i do actually like it but because its so 'wrong' to like these things i have convinced myself that i dont, on discussing this with the bossman his stance is that he would not do anything that i genuinely detested and gained no pleasure from at all, and i do not agree...am i in denial?

See he likes hurting me, he especially likes it when im struggling and im not wanting it...so im not liking it, i truely dont at times...but his answer "so why are you dripping wet then"....well duh coz im a masochist, pain arouses me, i think im just not in control of my masochism...my pussy betrays me when every other part of my body is screaming no.

But its more humiliation and being treated in a degrading manner that i struggle with, somethings i dont mind admitting to, that i like them but then hmm i think its that im concious that some of these 'things' im embarrassed about because i like them...i dont know..so its easier to say he makes me and i have no choice.















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16 comments:

  1. ancilla_ksst19 January 2013 at 14:09

    I don't have any explanation, but I feel the same way. I love it/I hate it, at the same time. I like being forced. Perhaps that is all it is, a fetish for being forced? I don't know. But I think I get it, without being able to put it exactly into words.

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:43

      Being forced as a fetish? it could well be considered one, yep lets go with that lol

      x

      Delete
  2. Kitty the Submissive Wife19 January 2013 at 17:11

    I love knowing that we all have those kind of feelings. I just recently decided that I needed to explore them cause well, maybe they are trying to tell me something.

    I find it interesting that some things I react really badly to while I am doing it, these are the very things that I end up fantasizing the most about.

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:46

      I do think its common to have these feelings and they can be so overwhelming at times and they need to be explored, if just to get them out of our system.

      Yep i get the fantasising about things that actually didnt like that much, i think it boils down to that some things should be just left as fantasy..why ruin it lol

      x

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  3. julie19 January 2013 at 17:18

    My relationship with humiliation is the same. I can blame the fact he insists and so i must do as he asks. But of course actually I love to hate it and by loving it really it just makes me wet. That is just so annoying, but at the same time wonderful. Yes I am confused too. :)

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:47

      lmao im glad your confused to. Humiliation is a tricky one, so personal to the individual, plays with our heads just not our bodies and perhaps exposes parts of us that we have tried to hide?

      x

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  4. nbs19 January 2013 at 22:25

    I sometimes feel that I'm over being confused.. but really, I'm not. I know it .. so does Sir.
    So I get to beg and feel humiliated again and again. I know I love it all.. even as I try so hard to get away when I can move.
    Such is life.. and I'm glad for every second.

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:48

      I love humiliation, its aspects of humiliation that i enjoy that im not comfortable with in that they are not...well im just not able to even mention them.

      x

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  5. Anonymous20 January 2013 at 00:46

    I get it. The internal conflict is part of what makes humiliation such a turn on.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:49

      Yep that is actually spot on...how come you have summed it up in one sentence and it takes me a whole blog post lol

      x

      Delete
  6. ancilla_ksst20 January 2013 at 17:14

    This morning he asked me a real poser, after thorougly verbally humiliating me and making me cum. "Was the orgasm worth the pain of remembering"? (remembering via humiliation) I didn't answer at first until he insisted, then I said it wasn't something I could answer, that I just liked the humiliation of it all, and there was no "worth it" involved.

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    1. tori20 January 2013 at 20:51

      I have been pondering over this. I think more for me its humiliating 'acts' that i engage in (im really not comfortable saying what they are), they turn me on a great deal, i struggle with accepting that i like it.

      I should take my own advice and just enjoy! lol

      x

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  7. June22 January 2013 at 04:10

    I kind of agree with joey. I have told Ward that there are things that had been hard limits for me before that I was willing to do for him, willing to give him. For me, it is being able to overcome that internal resistance to give him that thing as a measure of proof of my love and my devotion.

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    1. tori23 January 2013 at 21:34

      Thats a nice way of putting it, i like that, wanting to overcome to show my love and devotion...

      thanks

      x

      Delete
  8. ancilla_ksst22 January 2013 at 14:26

    tori, I totally get not wanting to talk about those things. It is one thing to be humiliated for your sir, and quite another to share those moments, intensely personal moments, with the world at large. I feel the same way about some things- even though I share a lot of personal stuff, there is some that I just don't want to, and my Master feels the same way. So I am usually vague on that or leave it out entirely.

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    1. tori23 January 2013 at 21:35

      Yep thats exactly it, im not so sure that its just about being self-concious but just somethings are private and i want somethings to be just between us.

      x

      Delete

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