Bloody hell, i had a post nearly finished it (about 'the natural submissive'), internet went down and its gone! not in drafts folder, not published..i guess its out there somewhere.!
Its been a really busy past week, i made a decision before the new year that i needed to cut back on work commitments, i worked while my children were young and i dont regret that but im realising that its now my children are getting older than im missing out on a lot, they are 15 and 10 years, but mostly there missing out on me.
My son and i had a heated argument back in December, things were said in anger and i know he is a stroppy teen (15) but he said something that hurt me, i know it was said to hurt and it did, he shouted at me that...shame you dont care about us (meaning him and his sister) as much as you do about the kids you work with..something along those lines anyway.
Of course i care about the children i work with but my children come first, what i realised though they actually wasnt. I have missed countless competions and musical talent shows that my daughter has been in (she does debating and plays 3 musical instruments), i missed 2 of my sons 6th form parent evenings, his presentation for making head boy as well as other activities they both do.
Its not so much the being at school that is the issue becaue they are at school themselves, its the mountain of paperwork and evening appointments, 3 days a week im in the school until 7pm, sometimes 8, so by the time i get home im tired, cranky and catching up on home stuff. Then there are appointments with specialists, to discuss childs progress which often are out of school hours, helping parents with their statements, advice etc and again out of school hours, i love my job...and damn it i am good at it, but its getting too much.
So im in the process of cutting back, as it stood i was responsible for 17 statemented children, i am trying to get it down to 10, ideally 6, its not easy and i feel guilty that im passing the buck to someone else to take them on, but my children need to come first, i dont want to spend this year saying "im sorry but i cant make xyz" or "not now, im busy".