Thursday, 23 August 2012

The backlash

Well i did think it might happen but i hoped i was wrong, but the backlash of that i need to name know..the 50 shades one...well the backlash has started here in the UK.  A female director of a womens refuge is calling out for the books to be burnt and is hoping to have a bonfire of them ready for 5th November (Guy Fawkes night).

She states

"Our concern is not the graphic depiction of sex - this is an abusive relationship presented as a love story. It normalises abuse, degrades women and encourages sexual violence."  "There is lots of abuse in the book, not just sexual abuse. Do millions and millions of women suffer from secret self-loathing? Do they all want to be treated this badly?"

Ok so personally i didnt go much on the book, i dont think it portrayed a D/s relationship very well, but i also dont think it in anyway glorified abuse of women yes perhaps im biased because of the relationship im in and i do think unless your in a similar type of dynamic then the general vanilla person wont get it.

I do support and would like to see M/s dynamics accepted in the eyes of the law but more specifically the right to be able to consent to certain activities within s/ an adult of sane mind i think i have the right to choose what activities i engage in in in the uk the law does not acknowledge consent to certain s/m activities some of which the bossman and i engage in.

There is a lot of ignorance about this lifestyle and i dont think the book has helped to improve this, on further coverage of this there was a debate shown in which comments were made such as "well the people that do this need professional help", "the women must have low self esteem" etc etc, there were 2 people that chose to have their identities hidden who live the lifestyle interviewed and they did their best to convey a good argument but strangely enough they didnt get as much air time!

Unfortunatley what i did agree with is i do think because of the major commercial success of this book its leading to a lot of women seeking their "Mr Grey" an increase of spanking paraphernalia being bought and women joining bdsm sites this could well be an abusers playground hiding under the guise of being dominant.

I do fear that this book and its popularity is a set back to s/m and D/s relationships being seen as anything other than abusive.


  1. I actually can see that - but it is only a set back if the conversation gets turned without input. The problem is that we are all still anonymous - even to each other. I am not suggesting changing that, I am just saying if you can't be in the open then well, it won't pass some people's sniff test. It has bothered me, this anonymous business, but I get why it's important.

    Harder to argue effectively though when you won't show your face.

  2. Its really a catch 22 situation, most people choose to be anonymous because of the lack of understanding of D/s relationships and s/m but also because really its no one elses business what relationships people choose to be in.

    Blogger for example is anonymous for obvious reasons, on the times bossman and i have attended clubs/private parties then anonymity doesnt come into question because we are with likeminded people..they know who we are.

    The issue really is this general lack of understanding of ttwd and s/m in general and how people are quick to make assumptions on something they know nothing about..reading 50 shades doesnt give an accurate account so to condem people on that is ludicrous...thats the point i was trying to make.

  3. I personally do not like hiding are dynamic. it has really hit home for us recently because we are picking out collars, one for at home and one for in public. I tend to like the ones that really are obviously collars but being a professional, PTA preisdent and coahing sports really limits our choices. It bothers me even though I think we found something we both like.

    I thought the books were not written well and were pretty vanilla, I giess that just shows how far we have come.