.....without judgement.
Years ago, before i met the bossman i had an abortion, i dont regret it, i have no moments of wandering what if? i did the right thing for me and for the child i already had. I have listened to anti abortionists preach their views, i have stayed silent, it was my choice alone to have the abortion, nobody else's, i dont nor should i need to give a reason for doing so. There are those that may judge and condem me, im a sinner is some people's eyes, a murderer in others, im none of these, im a woman that made a choice..the right choice but by no means was it an easy choice at that time.
With the bossman i have a coil fitted so im being responsible in preventing an unwanted pregnancy, i do not want any more children and i know that he doesnt want any, mistakes and accidents happen but i know that if i were to get pregnant i would not hesitate in having an abortion and i would have his full support but ultimatley it would be a decision that is mine to make either way.
Why am i thinking of this now? my niece has had a baby (baby is 5 months old now), she didnt want it she went to the doctor to arrange an abortion, she is only 17 but her boyfriend wanted the baby and her mum told her abortion was wrong and sinful, her friends all supported and ecouraged her to keep it, now her boyfriend is long gone, fatherhood was too much it appears and he left when baby was 3 weeks old and nothing has been heard since! her friends have moved on, there out enjoying life. My neice is depressed, resentful and is struggling to bond with her baby, she says everytime she looks at him she sees a burden she didnt want, she has sought help from professionals and hopefully it will get better.
I hope things will get better, i really do for both their sakes, but as she sat on my sofa last night crying, wishing that she had had the abortion that she really wanted, i cant help but agree with her, i dont say that to her, she doesnt need that.
I can actually relate to your niece. I got pregnant at 19, and adamantly didn't want kids. My now ex wanted to have a child, and refused to take me for the abortion. Then he became overly controlling and abusive toward me, while not doing anything for my daughter. I'm now a single mother trying to create some sort of good environment for her.
ReplyDeleteWhile I love her with all my heart, I know this isn't the upbringing she deserves, and by being a single mother as young as I am, having her to worry about keeps me from being able to support either of us.
I had my son at 20 and so yes i understand what you mean, its difficult but i think motherhood can be difficult at any age, but in my experience its a different kind of difficult when your a young single mother as i was...there is that stigma still attached i think.
DeleteYou do i think make the best of it when it happens and im sure your doing the best you can and thats what matters, it does get easier...heck just wait for the teens lol
Here here!
ReplyDeleteWhile others seem to be full of opinions about whether or not a woman should have an abortion, the only people to decide is the pregnant woman and her doctor. Yes, keeping the baby does often work out eventually, but not always. Just recently a friend confided in mouse that she's pregnant and having an abortion (she already has grown children). Her family is flipping out at her. They're ignoring completely her reasons for not wanting another child.
It's sad that women of any age are pressured into having a baby they really don't want.
Sending hopeful thoughts to your niece...
Hugs,
mouse
hi mouse
DeleteIt is sad that there are women all over the world are pressured to keep children they do not want and i really dont see that much progress has been made.
This is about womens rights, regardless of their age or religon come to that its a subject i feel very strongly about..so i wont rant on.
Im worried about my niece its really a messy situation, and i feel sad that your friend isnt getting the support from her family when she needs it most.
xx
I agree with you whole heartedly. My heart goes out to your neice and I hope she gets the support she needs. I've always thought if men could give birth abortion would not be an issue because no man would let someone else tell them what they could or could not do with their body.
ReplyDeleteThankyou faerie, i realise its a controversial topic but i think its one thats important. If men could have children it would certainly cause a drop in population! lol
Deletexx
Maybe YOUR mother should have had an abortion.
ReplyDeleteIt's not your right to decide who lives and who dies.
You know anon when i went to bed last night after posting this i fully expected to wake up this morning and find a few negative comments so im surprised but pleased to see only one.
DeleteIt is my right as a women to decide whether i want a child or not, living and dying has no relevance here at all.
If you don't want a child, then don't do the one thing that causes pregnancy. You have the right to decide if you will have sex or not. You do NOT have the right to take a life.
DeleteOh be serious! i take precautions to ensure unwanted pregnancy, i do choose to have sex because i enjoy it and dont see it as just being for procreation.
DeleteThis is not about taking a life, for many women that choose abortion its to preserve the life they already have and other lives they my be responsible for ie other children. You may consider this selfish but i think its more selfish to bring a child into a life where it is not wanted and the circumstances are not good.
How about coming out from hiding behind anonymous?
Hiding behind being anonymous? Let me see you pst your real name and email, or are you a pot calling a kettle black?
DeleteYou know very well i mean blogger name but then ignorance seems to be something you excel in.
Deleteoh tori, don't engage. I find that if people want to say something but won't even give a FAKE name on BLOGGER than they aren't worthy of any conversation. besides, what we want is discussion. not accusations. *hugs*
DeleteCompletely agree FA. It is only too easy to make a sweeping statement about this very personal subject.
DeletePersonally I would never judge the impact being pregnant when you haven't planned to be so has on a woman of whatever age. It never happened to me, but if it had I know that the last thing I would have wanted was to feel that I had been pressured into having a child I didn't feel I could give the best to. Ignore the anonymous trolls!
hi FA, Joolz
Deleteyep you are both right, and hence why i have chosen to now moderate the comments as it was getting personal, and i wont be publishing anon's further comments..they are abusive and i wanted to avoid that.
I should really know better.
x
a strong topic tori, but i agree with you its the womans choice as there can be so many reasons as to why she got pregnant in the first instance.
ReplyDeleteblossom x
It is a strong topic blossom but i believe an important one, so many ignorant people out there ready to condem but as you said so many reasons and different circumstances.
Deletexx
I'm catholic so i'm pro-life. however having said that, that's MY choice. I'm also PRO choice. I'm not a saint. And I don't expect anyone else to live up to OTHER people's idea of what's right and what's wrong either.
ReplyDeleteGood post. Strong emotions here. And i wish more people would stand up for CHOICE.
Well said FA, what we as women need to promote is our individual right to believe and to CHOOSE what is right for us as individuals. Then not to inflict our individual beliefs on others.
DeleteThats the point i was trying to make FA but have failed at, it is choice and everyones choice should be respected, opinions will differ it is a sensitive subject but it is primarily about choice more than anything else.
Deletex
As a man, I believe the man involved has the right to express his feelings about it, but in the end it is the woman's final decision. Fortunately I never had to make that decision, but a female friend did and chose to get one. I never judged her for it.
ReplyDeleteWilliam
Thanks for your comment William its nice to get a mans perspective. Yes i agree i do think the father has a right to express his feelings about it but yes ultimatley its the womans decision, its a tricky situation and circumstances may differ from one woman to another.
Deletex
Tori,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful post, and i appreciate you writing it. I'm kind of impressed with your niece's openness in how she feels about it now.
i have a particular interest in this post - if you'd feel comfortable emailing me at aisha.hisservant@gmail.com, i'd like to talk to you about it. If not, of course that's perfectly ok too.
Thanks!
aisha
Thankyou aisha, my neice is struggling but is getting a lot of support so hopefully it will all work out eventually..but its not been easy.
DeleteI have sent you email.
x
P.S. It's always been a choice, it just hasn't always been legal and safe. Most people don't realize that there used to be whole sections of the hospital for women with botched efforts at abortion.
ReplyDeleteI do think though for some woman that choice is removed perhaps more so in different cultures and religons, and for some woman its pressure from other factors..partner, family etc.
DeleteI didnt realise about the hospitals but i have heard of how terrible botched abortions can be and the woman that have had this happen to them through desperation.
Gloria Steinem once quoted somebody as saying if men could have children, abortion would be a sacrament. It's a no brainer that it is a woman's choice and boggles my mind that some people judge such an intimate decision by a woman.
ReplyDeleteAlso, wondering if it would be feasible for your niece to put the baby up for adoption. Maybe an open adoption where she could be like an aunt. Just a thought.
And feel free to delete those Anon comments.
FD
Thankyou FD, its sad but unfortunatley people do judge.
ReplyDeleteAdoption was mentioned but she was adamantly against that so i see that as a positive step, i think and the health worker that is on her case feels the same that this post natal depression as well as a lot of inner turmoil.
Its going to take time and a lot of support i think.
x
Firstly, I'd like to say that 'anon's' comments are truly disgusting. I'm utterly appalled.
ReplyDeleteI too agree with your post tori, it's about choice and one that the majority of people do not obviously take lightly or do on a whim. I hope your niece gets all the support she needs.
Dee x
Thanks Dee,
DeleteIts a sensative subject but yes its about choice and for a lot of women its the right choice.
xx