Wednesday, 8 February 2012

trusting your instinct..throwing out the rule book!

Anyone who is a parent, mother or father will know that having a baby and the subsequent raising of the child is probably the most challenging thing you will ever do, but oh so rewarding.   There is a lot of support out there from the health workers, midwifes, family and friends and countless books and 'experts' giving you advice on raising your baby.

When i had my son i was fairly lucky for a first time mum, he slept through the night from 3 weeks old and was a happy content baby, then at approximatley 5 weeks old he stopped sleeping through the night, he was irritable and the crying seemed endless.  I panicked..what was wrong? i sought advice from the health workers, i read chapters in books, i tried all these different tips and nothing worked! My granny (who has had 7 children) suggested giving him a couple spoonfuls of baby rice before his evening bottle and to trust my own instinct before anyone elses but i couldnt do that....the books did not advise weaning until at least 12 weeks and the health visitor said it could be more harmful than good! and i couldnt possible trust my instinct...what if im wrong.

I became irritible through lack of sleep and as well as my son crying i was too, i was at my wits end so i gave in and tried what my granny suggested....and guess what? yes he started sleeping through the night again...he was back to being my happy content baby.   My 'baby' is 14 now and healthy and happy (well as happy as a teenager can be) i broke the 'rules' set by the 'experts' yet everything was fine. 

I learnt that as much as all the 'experts', friends and books were great for seeking advice from and learning new tips it doesnt mean they are always right for you, my granny whom had years more experience than me was right about the rice but more importantly she was right about me trusting my instinct and that takes precedence over everything.

This i apply to my relationship, i could read every bdsm related book out there or talk to people in this lifestyle i will learn things no doubt and its always good to learn more, i like hearing different opinions etc, but ultimately only my Owner (mainly) and me (he will hear my opinion but his overrides mine) can decide what is right for us.  Im not saying that you shouldnt pay no attention to other resources far from it.....but sometimes it just so happens that you may well do it differently and thats the great thing about this lifestyle there are no rules to how it should be done.


  1. So very true! That is the great thing about can do it however you want. There is nothing that says you must follow steps one through five or else... It's good to read and learn and research, but ultimately you take from all that the bits and pieces that work for you and yours. As long as what you two do works for you both, then that is all that matters.


  2. I like this post too a lot. Sometimes I feel people are trying to teach/preach the "right" way to do things, like the health workers did for your baby. Opinions are great and we would be unwise not to consider the experience of others. But how can we achieve being happy and content by following generic advice instead of our own hearts and instincts? Just love this tori.

    love, squirrel

  3. Thankyou both for your comments, im a firm believer in trusting your gut instinct, it may well lead to mistakes but in making errors you learn from them.


  4. There are truly no one set of rules to live by are there. If there was a manual for everything that really worked it would take away many of our opportunities for growth.

  5. Thankyou for your comment lil, growth is important without it i fear there is the risk of things becoming stagnent...spelt wrong i think lol