Wednesday, 10 October 2007


Looking back over the weekend i can honestly say that as a whole i enjoyed it, even with the problems on Saturday night i can draw from it some lessons and it was a learning curve albeit not the most positive one. Saturday night certainly highlighted areas in which we need to address and have done so and also areas in which i need to learn from and handle differentley.

I think the hardest lesson for me was accepting that i am going to have to serve other Doms whether this be sexual or indeed to use me in any manner Master allows them to, i found it hard having to obey someone else and i think it will take time to get used to it when the situation arises again.

If i could go back there are only 2 things i would have handled differently:

i would have asked to speak with Master alone after i got stressed out after the caning because if i had done i could have addressed the concerns i had and then He would of been in a better position to decide what to do and more importantly to reassure me of the concerns i had at the time, i think this would of then made a slight difference to the outcome

i would have rode the pony, i wanted to but i didnt want to give ****** that pleasure when i should have focused more on what would please Master because i knew deep down that He would have liked me to so in a way i behaved selfishly (sorry Sir)

What we later discovered about ****** and his behaviour has really unsettled me, for a while and maybe still even now he has made me doubt myself and i hate him for getting inside my head when i was confident in my abilities. Im sensitive to how im perceived by others and defensive over my status as His slave and when in conversation with ***** and ****** they implied that my behaviour and subsequent reactions are not how a slave should behave.

If anything this whole fucking mess has brought us closer, i admit the whole situation has affected me but not to the point that it has given me doubts about us but its going to be a while before i get over it completley, it has made me have reservations about meeting other couples but this i feel i will get over as i had no problems with the couple on Friday night and would gladly meet with them again.

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