"I don't mind you showing initiative" he said.
So I have been, perhaps pushing my luck a bit, I think he might be regretting saying those words, give me an inch I will take a mile.
But the thing is, I am crap at showing initiative, well, to be more specific in the bedroom that is.
I know what he likes, and I stick to what I know, I rarely, and I mean really rarely, can probably count on one hand the amount of times I have initiated sex and to a certain extent took the lead, I suppose in doing so, pushes me out of my comfort zone.
He said I could choose one thing I would like him to do to me, and one thing I would like to do to him (within reason), it's funny how I bet that within reason is more restricted on what I would like to do him!
I chose wax for myself, we haven't played with wax for a long time, and I can't even remember if I like it or not, well, it depends on where the wax is going really.
I had to ponder, for a long while, on what I would like to do to him, because I already do what I like to do him...it's in my comfort zone, I know he likes it!
So I thought, ice, ice would be interesting, on him, had it on myself, could be fun!
I told him what my choices were and he was fine with that...good start!
He said "wax on your pussy will be interesting" in a taunting sort of way.
to which I replied "ice up your ass will be interesting too...you know, just showing some initiative"
Yea, I think he is regretting those words.
PS
It's obvious I suppose, that I have really been struggling with keeping this blog going, and yet I miss it, so that should give me the kick up the ass that I need, anyway clearly I needed a harder ass kicking and I got one!
Tuesday, 22 September 2015
Friday, 4 September 2015
Back to normal....ish/ooh and a bit of kink
The holidays are over, daughter is back to school today, although I have yet to understand the point of going back on a Friday! my son, having got the results he needed is off to uni in 2 weeks, so it's been a really hectic last couple of weeks, getting prepared for that, but mostly just spending time all together, which has been lovely.
But it's nice to get back into some sort of routine, more time to get back to blogging more regularly, i hate to think how long it's been since a kink post!
I shall rectify that right now :)
Well, more of an observation/reflection really.
A friend of mine, and her husband decided to try swinging, way back earlier in the year and really enjoyed the experiences, and are well into it now, and we have had some laughs as she describes some of the encounters, but, getting to the point, she was taken aback when I said it was something I had no interest in.
"but your kinky" she exclaimed!!!
*sigh*
Why is it, it is often assumed that being kinky must mean 'up for anything', screwing different men, whether I know them or not, is not something that appeals to me at all, not that i have anything against it, it just does not interest me.
I have not had sex with another man, since being with Master, i prefer to be monogamous, that does not mean that he has to be, although he has not had sex with any other woman, he could and I would have to deal with it, would I like it? well that's another matter entirely.
I have reflected on this a fair bit, going from completely against it, to the point that should he decide that's what he wanted, to have sex with another, I would have to think very carefully if I could continue as we are to am i a failure as a slave for thinking that? because surely my focus should be on that it gives him pleasure? but at what expense?
Then the other part of me, the part i hate, but i have to admit its there, the thought of it appeals to my emotional masochistic side, i would have/need to know every detail, and that very thought turns me on, because i wouldnt want to watch, or even to participate, but to be blindfolded in the same room, to hear...fuck yes!
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
Did I say that?
Yes, yes, I have been neglectful, and I do have valid reasons, ok that might be a lie lol
Did I once say that I couldn't be assed with Fetlife? I believe I did, well....
I found a group via the feed, that ancilla ksst joined, so I thought...oh that sounds interesting, I shall go and check it out.
I loved it, it's different than the other groups I had joined, interesting topics, varied topics, one's that make me think, and it was, is friendly, so I found myself contributing there more, I even started a thread, something I did not and would not feel comfortable doing in the other groups, I rarely go near the other groups now.
Anyway, the group, yes, is Dharma goes deeper, if your on Fet and fancy checking it out.
Well, the group owner asked if I would like to be a mod there, which came as a shock, but a welcome one, and it's great, it's friendly, I am really comfortable there, so umm yeah that's one of my valid reasons....a good one though!
But I am aware that I have been neglecting here, did I not say that in the last post? yeah I think I did.
I shall give myself a slap.
Did I also say a while back that I was not ready to get another dog? yes, well, on Sunday I went out to a rescue centre not with the intention of getting a dog, and came home with one, he is a 10 month old shih tzu cross jack russell...odd combination, called Charlie and he is gorgeous.
I also said Master is really busy.....nothing has changed there.
Did I once say that I couldn't be assed with Fetlife? I believe I did, well....
I found a group via the feed, that ancilla ksst joined, so I thought...oh that sounds interesting, I shall go and check it out.
I loved it, it's different than the other groups I had joined, interesting topics, varied topics, one's that make me think, and it was, is friendly, so I found myself contributing there more, I even started a thread, something I did not and would not feel comfortable doing in the other groups, I rarely go near the other groups now.
Anyway, the group, yes, is Dharma goes deeper, if your on Fet and fancy checking it out.
Well, the group owner asked if I would like to be a mod there, which came as a shock, but a welcome one, and it's great, it's friendly, I am really comfortable there, so umm yeah that's one of my valid reasons....a good one though!
But I am aware that I have been neglecting here, did I not say that in the last post? yeah I think I did.
I shall give myself a slap.
Did I also say a while back that I was not ready to get another dog? yes, well, on Sunday I went out to a rescue centre not with the intention of getting a dog, and came home with one, he is a 10 month old shih tzu cross jack russell...odd combination, called Charlie and he is gorgeous.
I also said Master is really busy.....nothing has changed there.
Tuesday, 28 July 2015
Just rambling
It's summer, well, it's meant to be, the UK, well where I am, must be behind in getting that message, as I sit here looking out the window at the grey skies and rain falling down.
It's been a busy couple of weeks, mostly centred around sorting out things to do with my son starting uni in September, just have to wait now for his exam results to come in, later in August, fingers crossed he gets the grades he needs, he is getting worked up about it, which is making me get anxious for him.
Master is busy, nothing new there, well yes there is, he is more busy than usual, which I didn't think was possible!
I am doing ok with managing myself, in the respect of not acting out, which had tended to be a pattern, he would be super busy, I would feel neglected and that would lead to me behaving in a way I know I shouldnt, because then I would get his attention, and I would figure that negative attention is better than none at all.
But I am doing ok, it's taken a lot of years to change that pattern,....im a slow learner!
I did have a wobble at the weekend, where I started to panic that he didn't want me anymore, I can't really identify where those thoughts come from, being insecure in myself i suspect being the main reason, when he is distracted with work, i have too much time to myself, to dwell on things, and yeah over think.
As soon as I get reassurance from him, im fine again, but i hate that i get needy like that, i need to get back into blogging more regularly, commenting and writing more, i miss it.
It's been a busy couple of weeks, mostly centred around sorting out things to do with my son starting uni in September, just have to wait now for his exam results to come in, later in August, fingers crossed he gets the grades he needs, he is getting worked up about it, which is making me get anxious for him.
Master is busy, nothing new there, well yes there is, he is more busy than usual, which I didn't think was possible!
I am doing ok with managing myself, in the respect of not acting out, which had tended to be a pattern, he would be super busy, I would feel neglected and that would lead to me behaving in a way I know I shouldnt, because then I would get his attention, and I would figure that negative attention is better than none at all.
But I am doing ok, it's taken a lot of years to change that pattern,....im a slow learner!
I did have a wobble at the weekend, where I started to panic that he didn't want me anymore, I can't really identify where those thoughts come from, being insecure in myself i suspect being the main reason, when he is distracted with work, i have too much time to myself, to dwell on things, and yeah over think.
As soon as I get reassurance from him, im fine again, but i hate that i get needy like that, i need to get back into blogging more regularly, commenting and writing more, i miss it.
Monday, 20 July 2015
Whatever
He said something this morning, that as per usual i have been dwelling on ever since.
"can you honestly say there isnt anything you wouldnt do if I asked you?"
to which my reply was...i dont know, because its hard to know for sure until actually confronted with whatever it might be, so i dont know.
His response was "I think you do"
It was left like that, i wanted to say...well there was that once when i couldnt do what you asked, but i have since done it, so that would have been pointless.
Its been on my mind, should my automatic response been yes? or am i hiding behind the i dont know because i dont want to admit its a yes?
I know he would not ask anything of me that was detrimental in any way, to me, to us, so its got me exploring the whole concept of 'anything'
There are most certainly things that i have no wish to do, reasoning's varying from it simply doesnt appeal to me, to a simple i dont want to at all, and i will not like you very much if you make do them.
But the counter-argument to that is
1) being his slave, there is the understanding that it will involve submitting to things that dont appeal to me, because i do already
2) the same applies to that which i dont want
3) he couldnt care less whether i like him or not so long as i obey, because i do love the grumpy git even when i dislike him
4) i know, as does he that i get off on being made to do things i dont want to do
So, it could be argued that therefore i will do whatever he asks of me, and perhaps im in denial but i still think its subject to what that anything is.
So, i wrote this with the intention of having a clear resolution, but only succeeded in getting back to square one!
"can you honestly say there isnt anything you wouldnt do if I asked you?"
to which my reply was...i dont know, because its hard to know for sure until actually confronted with whatever it might be, so i dont know.
His response was "I think you do"
It was left like that, i wanted to say...well there was that once when i couldnt do what you asked, but i have since done it, so that would have been pointless.
Its been on my mind, should my automatic response been yes? or am i hiding behind the i dont know because i dont want to admit its a yes?
I know he would not ask anything of me that was detrimental in any way, to me, to us, so its got me exploring the whole concept of 'anything'
There are most certainly things that i have no wish to do, reasoning's varying from it simply doesnt appeal to me, to a simple i dont want to at all, and i will not like you very much if you make do them.
But the counter-argument to that is
1) being his slave, there is the understanding that it will involve submitting to things that dont appeal to me, because i do already
2) the same applies to that which i dont want
3) he couldnt care less whether i like him or not so long as i obey, because i do love the grumpy git even when i dislike him
4) i know, as does he that i get off on being made to do things i dont want to do
So, it could be argued that therefore i will do whatever he asks of me, and perhaps im in denial but i still think its subject to what that anything is.
So, i wrote this with the intention of having a clear resolution, but only succeeded in getting back to square one!
Wednesday, 15 July 2015
Well, i got to it eventually
Sorry, gosh im doing a lot of apologising lately!
Equality, dictionary definition, for the sake of argument:
"The state of being equal, especially in status, rights or opportunities."
He is my Master, and i am his slave, and to kill two birds with one stone about being 'better' no, i dont believe he is better than me because he is dominant and my Master, back to the matter of equality..
I believe everyone is born equal, regardless of whether they be dominant, slave, sub, princess, their race, their nationality, their sexuality etc etc.
However in respect of him being my Master, i do not consider myself equal in status to him, but only him, as two people yes, but we are two people in a dynamic that by definition of using Master and slave implies inequality.
I have rights, but certainly not as many as he does, i have the right to expect to be kept safe, to have my basic needs met, and as this is all based on consent, i have the right to withdraw that consent although that has never been an issue, and if it were it would have serious impact on our relationship.
Can there be equality in ttwd? I admit im struggling to say yes in the respect of there being total equality, so its easier for me to say how it is for us, if anyone has a view that there can be, i would be interested in hearing it.
He has authority over me, i do not over him, and that is the simple way of looking at it,i could go into all the very many ways he has authority over me, but that statement alone should be enough.
I am quite content in it being this way, i wouldnt want to be his equal, besides that i get off on the whole idea of being beneath him and that his wants and needs come before mine..but thats a whole other subject, which if i go into, this post will turn into an essay :)
He is my Master, and i am his slave, and to kill two birds with one stone about being 'better' no, i dont believe he is better than me because he is dominant and my Master, back to the matter of equality..
I believe everyone is born equal, regardless of whether they be dominant, slave, sub, princess, their race, their nationality, their sexuality etc etc.
However in respect of him being my Master, i do not consider myself equal in status to him, but only him, as two people yes, but we are two people in a dynamic that by definition of using Master and slave implies inequality.
I have rights, but certainly not as many as he does, i have the right to expect to be kept safe, to have my basic needs met, and as this is all based on consent, i have the right to withdraw that consent although that has never been an issue, and if it were it would have serious impact on our relationship.
Can there be equality in ttwd? I admit im struggling to say yes in the respect of there being total equality, so its easier for me to say how it is for us, if anyone has a view that there can be, i would be interested in hearing it.
He has authority over me, i do not over him, and that is the simple way of looking at it,i could go into all the very many ways he has authority over me, but that statement alone should be enough.
I am quite content in it being this way, i wouldnt want to be his equal, besides that i get off on the whole idea of being beneath him and that his wants and needs come before mine..but thats a whole other subject, which if i go into, this post will turn into an essay :)
Friday, 10 July 2015
Bringing out the worst
A week or so ago, maybe longer, time just flies! there was a thread on Fetlife, that I contributed to, it started out very simply about dining out, it escalated into the appropriateness of exposing others to the life we lead.
I stated my opinion at various points, eventually i had to walk away from it, it was just getting ridiculous, but mostly i stepped away because i didnt like myself very much, in fact, on reflecting on it further, i was ashamed of myself for various reasons..
Although i stand by my opinions, i could have expressed them without being snide or bitchy, reading back through them thats how i came across, and i didnt like that side of me, and im pretty sure if Master was to read them he wouldnt be too impressed either...and i do care about how he thinks of me and how i behave.
I lost sight of what i have always been so defencive about, and that is respecting another persons opinion, even though i disagree with it, and perhaps strongly so, as this was the case, one should still be able to make their point without it getting nasty, looking back through that thread, it was no different from playground bullying tactics, that i allowed myself to be a part of that, well im not proud of myself.
So i made myself a Fetlife rule/or in general an online rule..
if i cant say anything nice or positive to anyone, dont say anything at all, because it is possible to disagree with someone without it needing to be nasty in any form.
Last night i was reading a thread, and it left me feeling appalled, a girl of 18, new to ttwd posted a question, within it she said she understood that "not all submissives are slaves but all slaves are submissive" something she had read somewhere or heard.
Very quickly she was jumped on for making a generalised statement, now dont get me wrong, one of my pet hates is people saying a slave etc must/should be xyz, and it doesnt go down to well when people make them.
But rather than giving a polite response most, not all people focused on that one statement and tore her to shreds, she got defencive, and i dont bloody blame her at all, although she would have been better off ignoring them.
But you know what, she is 18, new...ffs, it seems that when it comes to the internet and how people treat one another, common decency goes out the bloody window, its like its ok to be rude, bitchy etc because its words on a screen.
I fell into that, it brought out the worst of me, not a pleasant sight at all, and its made me question myself, but most of all reminding myself..to treat others how i would like to be treated.
I stated my opinion at various points, eventually i had to walk away from it, it was just getting ridiculous, but mostly i stepped away because i didnt like myself very much, in fact, on reflecting on it further, i was ashamed of myself for various reasons..
Although i stand by my opinions, i could have expressed them without being snide or bitchy, reading back through them thats how i came across, and i didnt like that side of me, and im pretty sure if Master was to read them he wouldnt be too impressed either...and i do care about how he thinks of me and how i behave.
I lost sight of what i have always been so defencive about, and that is respecting another persons opinion, even though i disagree with it, and perhaps strongly so, as this was the case, one should still be able to make their point without it getting nasty, looking back through that thread, it was no different from playground bullying tactics, that i allowed myself to be a part of that, well im not proud of myself.
So i made myself a Fetlife rule/or in general an online rule..
if i cant say anything nice or positive to anyone, dont say anything at all, because it is possible to disagree with someone without it needing to be nasty in any form.
Last night i was reading a thread, and it left me feeling appalled, a girl of 18, new to ttwd posted a question, within it she said she understood that "not all submissives are slaves but all slaves are submissive" something she had read somewhere or heard.
Very quickly she was jumped on for making a generalised statement, now dont get me wrong, one of my pet hates is people saying a slave etc must/should be xyz, and it doesnt go down to well when people make them.
But rather than giving a polite response most, not all people focused on that one statement and tore her to shreds, she got defencive, and i dont bloody blame her at all, although she would have been better off ignoring them.
But you know what, she is 18, new...ffs, it seems that when it comes to the internet and how people treat one another, common decency goes out the bloody window, its like its ok to be rude, bitchy etc because its words on a screen.
I fell into that, it brought out the worst of me, not a pleasant sight at all, and its made me question myself, but most of all reminding myself..to treat others how i would like to be treated.
Wednesday, 8 July 2015
When nanna came to stay
(yes i know, i will get to the equality post)
My nanna turned up on Saturday, unexpectedly, i am feeling appropriately ashamed and guilty as she travelled all the way from London to see me..and she is 94, physically she is failing but mentally she is as sharp as she has ever been, well memory can be a bit dodgy, and eyesight is going.
I should make more of an effort to see her more often as she is my last living grandparent, and i do enjoy conversing with her, she has led a colourful past.
My nanna for her age and the time she was brought up in has a very modern outlook, and keeps up with what is going on, as i discovered when she announced she had watched 50 Shades of Grey and deemed it nothing exciting or new, and that we youngsters think we invented it, i shall remain grateful that she didnt elaborate further with a trip down memory lane!
However as she has aged she does have the tendency to think that this allows her to say what she likes, and it can sometimes be quite rude or perhaps thoughtless more than anything, because she isn't a nasty person but well she says what she thinks, which sometimes isnt appropriate.
She does like to guilt trip, to get people to do what she wants, usually its "I could be dead this time next year or even tomorrow" words to that effect, and the reality is at the age she is every day is a blessing...but then she has been saying that for the last 20 years...in fact probably longer!
She wants me to have a celebration for my 40th in November, which i have remained adamant that i dont want a big celebration of any kind, and yes she dropped the guilt trip on me, in this case it was "It would bring me a lot of pleasure to have something to plan, as I will probably be dead before it anyway"
Before i could actually protest and come up with a viable excuse, out the suitcase comes folders, information on venues, themes, potential guests, many of which i have no idea of who they are!
So, it looks like im having a masked ball in London,...yes a ball, not a party because to nanna a party is for children or hooligans....no i didn't even attempt to ask the reasoning behind that logic, and the guest list as it stands at the moment is at 123, and i dont know over half of them.
Nanna left this morning, and all sitting here wandering how we all got rail roaded by a 94 year old!
My nanna turned up on Saturday, unexpectedly, i am feeling appropriately ashamed and guilty as she travelled all the way from London to see me..and she is 94, physically she is failing but mentally she is as sharp as she has ever been, well memory can be a bit dodgy, and eyesight is going.
I should make more of an effort to see her more often as she is my last living grandparent, and i do enjoy conversing with her, she has led a colourful past.
My nanna for her age and the time she was brought up in has a very modern outlook, and keeps up with what is going on, as i discovered when she announced she had watched 50 Shades of Grey and deemed it nothing exciting or new, and that we youngsters think we invented it, i shall remain grateful that she didnt elaborate further with a trip down memory lane!
However as she has aged she does have the tendency to think that this allows her to say what she likes, and it can sometimes be quite rude or perhaps thoughtless more than anything, because she isn't a nasty person but well she says what she thinks, which sometimes isnt appropriate.
She does like to guilt trip, to get people to do what she wants, usually its "I could be dead this time next year or even tomorrow" words to that effect, and the reality is at the age she is every day is a blessing...but then she has been saying that for the last 20 years...in fact probably longer!
She wants me to have a celebration for my 40th in November, which i have remained adamant that i dont want a big celebration of any kind, and yes she dropped the guilt trip on me, in this case it was "It would bring me a lot of pleasure to have something to plan, as I will probably be dead before it anyway"
Before i could actually protest and come up with a viable excuse, out the suitcase comes folders, information on venues, themes, potential guests, many of which i have no idea of who they are!
So, it looks like im having a masked ball in London,...yes a ball, not a party because to nanna a party is for children or hooligans....no i didn't even attempt to ask the reasoning behind that logic, and the guest list as it stands at the moment is at 123, and i dont know over half of them.
Nanna left this morning, and all sitting here wandering how we all got rail roaded by a 94 year old!
Monday, 6 July 2015
A question of equality/privacy
I have been neglecting blogger as of late, and replying to emails..sorry :)
So the question/query...
"He wants my passwords to emails and other accounts which I consider an invasion of my privacy, doesn't he trust me? why shouldn't I be able to talk to other dominants, I do not know his or tell him who he can and can't talk to, is this fair or right? Why can't there be equality in ttwd? he is no better than me because he is my dom"
Its not for me to say whether its fair or right for you, nor can i say whether its because he doesnt trust you.
How it works for us is that my Master does have my passwords to my accounts, email, Fetlife, my blog etc, and he can access them any time he should want to, he has more than likely forgotten what the passwords are! but nevertheless at any time he could ask for them and i would hand them over.
It has nothing to do with not trusting me, but everything to do with control, and that i have no right to privacy, as it is, he is not interested in who im emailing or who is emailing me, reading a conversation between me and a fellow blogger talking about shopping isnt exactly something that he would feel the need to know about!
There are exceptions, when i have been in conversations with people via email we have played with or potential people, i forward those emails to him, and others that perhaps im not sure about how to respond to, but those are very rare.
Nor is he concerned about who i talk to, i have no restrictions on this, take Fetlife for example, i have dominants on my friends list, i have had messages from other dominants, is he bothered? no, because he trusts me, im not going to be running off with anyone else! and besides the ones that are along the lines of sending me inappropriate messages..well im more than capable of handling them myself..i ignore them, they soon get the message, i figure if dominants cant make the effort to read my profile where it states that im owned and not interested in anything other than friends, then im not going to make the effort to respond to their messages.
He is not threatened by other dominants, so there is no need to say that i cant interact with any, however everyones relationship is different, and those that might place restrictions may have nothing to do with trust, but rather its simply their preference.
The only restrictions that that come to mind which are not really relevant as i have no interest myself, is online role-playing of any kind..but he has not needed to specify that as its understood that would not be acceptable...but like i said its not an issue because it holds no appeal to me.
Quite simply, i have nothing to hide from him nor would i want to, so i dont consider it an invasion of my privacy because i dont have any! and am happy with that.
Now, moving onto the equality point, which is going to be another post, another time, sorry, will get there.
So the question/query...
"He wants my passwords to emails and other accounts which I consider an invasion of my privacy, doesn't he trust me? why shouldn't I be able to talk to other dominants, I do not know his or tell him who he can and can't talk to, is this fair or right? Why can't there be equality in ttwd? he is no better than me because he is my dom"
Its not for me to say whether its fair or right for you, nor can i say whether its because he doesnt trust you.
How it works for us is that my Master does have my passwords to my accounts, email, Fetlife, my blog etc, and he can access them any time he should want to, he has more than likely forgotten what the passwords are! but nevertheless at any time he could ask for them and i would hand them over.
It has nothing to do with not trusting me, but everything to do with control, and that i have no right to privacy, as it is, he is not interested in who im emailing or who is emailing me, reading a conversation between me and a fellow blogger talking about shopping isnt exactly something that he would feel the need to know about!
There are exceptions, when i have been in conversations with people via email we have played with or potential people, i forward those emails to him, and others that perhaps im not sure about how to respond to, but those are very rare.
Nor is he concerned about who i talk to, i have no restrictions on this, take Fetlife for example, i have dominants on my friends list, i have had messages from other dominants, is he bothered? no, because he trusts me, im not going to be running off with anyone else! and besides the ones that are along the lines of sending me inappropriate messages..well im more than capable of handling them myself..i ignore them, they soon get the message, i figure if dominants cant make the effort to read my profile where it states that im owned and not interested in anything other than friends, then im not going to make the effort to respond to their messages.
He is not threatened by other dominants, so there is no need to say that i cant interact with any, however everyones relationship is different, and those that might place restrictions may have nothing to do with trust, but rather its simply their preference.
The only restrictions that that come to mind which are not really relevant as i have no interest myself, is online role-playing of any kind..but he has not needed to specify that as its understood that would not be acceptable...but like i said its not an issue because it holds no appeal to me.
Quite simply, i have nothing to hide from him nor would i want to, so i dont consider it an invasion of my privacy because i dont have any! and am happy with that.
Now, moving onto the equality point, which is going to be another post, another time, sorry, will get there.
Wednesday, 1 July 2015
Working backwards
With the prompts
Do you beg? How do you feel when you do?
Sometimes, i find it easier to beg for something to stop, or to not happen, than i do for begging for something i want. Begging is something that emphasis the exchange of power, it demonstrates his authority over me, that he can give or deny whatever it is i might be begging for or indeed begging for xyz to stop/not happen.
It makes me feel a sense of desperation, vulnerability and 'little' because i have no control over the outcome, the decision is his, it can also be humiliating..and i love that.
If I could be Dominant for one day I would......
Plan a session in the room of doom based around what i would like to do/enjoy, things we havent done in a long while, it would be all about me :)...the reality would more than likely be that within half an hour, perhaps a little longer i would end up asking him to choose, coz i wouldnt like being in control.
Have you pushed or changed any of your limits?
Yes. if we think of limits not just being restricted to s/m but rather the relationship as a whole, i think its reasonable to say that as the relationship develops/evolves, we adapt and grow along with it. Things that perhaps were once not appealing or even were never considered, in time can change, so its perhaps best to not place limits on oneself, the relationship, and just well....Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be.
Have you experienced sub drop? What is it like for you?
Yes, sometimes. Although when i do it tends to be much later, as in days, as i come down from the high, what its like varies, i tend to get quite tearful, at my worst i can go on a real downer where i start questioning and over analysing what had happened in a negative way.
What is something about submission that makes you nervous?
Vulnerability, which is also a contradiction because i love it as well, hmm completely surrendering to him, and all that it entails can make me nervous, knowing that he will eventually get me where ever he wants me to be, even when initially i might put up a protest sometimes.
yes, yes as usual behind on comments, on it tomorrow, just got laptop back after being fixed, and i hate using the phone for writing too much.
and excuse the dodgy, changing text :)
Do you beg? How do you feel when you do?
Sometimes, i find it easier to beg for something to stop, or to not happen, than i do for begging for something i want. Begging is something that emphasis the exchange of power, it demonstrates his authority over me, that he can give or deny whatever it is i might be begging for or indeed begging for xyz to stop/not happen.
It makes me feel a sense of desperation, vulnerability and 'little' because i have no control over the outcome, the decision is his, it can also be humiliating..and i love that.
If I could be Dominant for one day I would......
Plan a session in the room of doom based around what i would like to do/enjoy, things we havent done in a long while, it would be all about me :)...the reality would more than likely be that within half an hour, perhaps a little longer i would end up asking him to choose, coz i wouldnt like being in control.
Have you pushed or changed any of your limits?
Yes. if we think of limits not just being restricted to s/m but rather the relationship as a whole, i think its reasonable to say that as the relationship develops/evolves, we adapt and grow along with it. Things that perhaps were once not appealing or even were never considered, in time can change, so its perhaps best to not place limits on oneself, the relationship, and just well....Que sera, sera...whatever will be, will be.
Have you experienced sub drop? What is it like for you?
Yes, sometimes. Although when i do it tends to be much later, as in days, as i come down from the high, what its like varies, i tend to get quite tearful, at my worst i can go on a real downer where i start questioning and over analysing what had happened in a negative way.
What is something about submission that makes you nervous?
Vulnerability, which is also a contradiction because i love it as well, hmm completely surrendering to him, and all that it entails can make me nervous, knowing that he will eventually get me where ever he wants me to be, even when initially i might put up a protest sometimes.
yes, yes as usual behind on comments, on it tomorrow, just got laptop back after being fixed, and i hate using the phone for writing too much.
and excuse the dodgy, changing text :)
Thursday, 25 June 2015
wet or not, it was not nice
*from the unpublished archives, 2008, its funny because reading this now its not something that would bother me, but it clearly did back then...omg i was such a drama queen lol*
Topaz asked me if you show any compassion when your hurting me, when its clear im in pain that im struggling with it and want it to end, my reply without thinking about it was no, you dont, you dont have any compassion at all, the more im not enjoying it the more you like it...thats an accurate observation dont you think?
But you have an answer for that...."your cunt is always soaking wet, the more nastier the pain, the more responsive you become, that is all i need to know!"
That is besides the point.
The caning was brutal, and ok i wont deny that i loved it, once i got into sync and could ride the pain, and then when i was starting to get really spacey, you undid the wrist cuffs, so i could move a bit more freely, ankle cuffs still attached, then you put clover clamps on my nipples, with the chain running underneath the table and connected, and continued with the caning.
You ruined my fun, as i soon realised that as i instinctively rose up from each stroke it would pull on the chain, and it was difficult processing the different sensations, i couldnt relax into the caning as i was before, im guessing that was your intention?
I tried to keep still, but i was struggling, i damn well told you it was hurting a lot, that i didnt like it, and you had the audacity to say "i know" and laugh! i dont feel at all bad at swearing at you, not that you took any notice.
Then, because obviously you didnt feel that i was tormented enough, you rubbed this cream on my ass and up my ass!! and it started to burn, and i started to struggle even more, and im not sure what i was more stressed about my nipples dropping off, which might have been a welcome relief, or my ass setting on fire..
Your dick must be like the rest of you, unfeeling because you fucked my ass, with no condom and the cream didnt effect you!!! whereas i was squirming and screaming like a wild thing....and then you made me lick you clean, and i hate that, you know, when its been there!! oh why the hell not, the rest of me is burning my tongue might as well be as well....but it was ok, one small mercy i suppose.
Nope, not nice.
Topaz asked me if you show any compassion when your hurting me, when its clear im in pain that im struggling with it and want it to end, my reply without thinking about it was no, you dont, you dont have any compassion at all, the more im not enjoying it the more you like it...thats an accurate observation dont you think?
But you have an answer for that...."your cunt is always soaking wet, the more nastier the pain, the more responsive you become, that is all i need to know!"
That is besides the point.
The caning was brutal, and ok i wont deny that i loved it, once i got into sync and could ride the pain, and then when i was starting to get really spacey, you undid the wrist cuffs, so i could move a bit more freely, ankle cuffs still attached, then you put clover clamps on my nipples, with the chain running underneath the table and connected, and continued with the caning.
You ruined my fun, as i soon realised that as i instinctively rose up from each stroke it would pull on the chain, and it was difficult processing the different sensations, i couldnt relax into the caning as i was before, im guessing that was your intention?
I tried to keep still, but i was struggling, i damn well told you it was hurting a lot, that i didnt like it, and you had the audacity to say "i know" and laugh! i dont feel at all bad at swearing at you, not that you took any notice.
Then, because obviously you didnt feel that i was tormented enough, you rubbed this cream on my ass and up my ass!! and it started to burn, and i started to struggle even more, and im not sure what i was more stressed about my nipples dropping off, which might have been a welcome relief, or my ass setting on fire..
Your dick must be like the rest of you, unfeeling because you fucked my ass, with no condom and the cream didnt effect you!!! whereas i was squirming and screaming like a wild thing....and then you made me lick you clean, and i hate that, you know, when its been there!! oh why the hell not, the rest of me is burning my tongue might as well be as well....but it was ok, one small mercy i suppose.
Nope, not nice.
Wednesday, 24 June 2015
How well do you know your blog/blogging?
Found this and doing it for a bit of fun..not happy with the post i am working on....and so the draft folder gets even more fuller.
Answer these questions about your blog, no cheating and looking.
1) Your top 5 popular posts, bonus if you get them in order.
Purple boobies, bdsm room 101, nipple piercings, pushing boundaries, ummm umm thinking....the sadomasochistic paradox....im pretty sure the first 2 are in order. first one was right! correct order is purple boobies, nipple piercings, bdsm room 101, you cant? hmm really, return to room 101.
2) Last 5 blogs you commented on.
His slut, a slave to Master, submission to slavery, songs from his nightbird, submissive missions...not in order. yep right
3) How many followers do you have?
191 i think 194, not too far off
4) Your total viewings, to the nearest 100?
no idea, complete guess 150,000 ish 219,594..ok way off, but really who checks that!
5) How many blog posts have you published?
800 ish 813
6) How many posts in drafts?
about 120 131
7) How many blogs do you follow?
no idea, around 100 possibly dont know how to check that!
8) what post has received the most comments?
purple boobies....amazing what a pair of tits can do! well im confident its that post, i dont know how to check! still dont know how to check lol
9) Your first blog entry title?
very short and sweet..."this is the beginning" or words to that effect This is just the start...close enough.
10) Why did you choose the name of your blog?
i didnt, my Master did, he set it all up, and i was told i was blogging! thats how it was!
Monday, 22 June 2015
Me.....complicated!!!
I dont like it, but i want it, i hate it when its happening, but i love it and dont want it to stop.
Im so contradictory.
Im so sure, of what i think, and then im not so sure.
I have often thought myself difficult, still do sometimes, i wander where i fit in, do i need to fit in anywhere?
Being pushed/forced to do something i dont want to do i find really reinforces the mindset of being submissive, for me, but yet he would prefer my compliance because submitting is, using dictionary definition...accepting/yielding to another, so if he has to use force or push me its not submitting is it?
Is that not contradictory?
But he does always get what he wants, one way or another, where im difficult i think is i get these mental blocks in my head, which i cant get past, it could be that im thinking "we shouldnt do this or that, its not right" or i simply waste too much energy on thinking of the what if's.
I do generally come around to his way of thinking, not always, its like with the whole limits thing, its only very recently that i have changed my views on that, but there are things, most especially surrounding the idea of enslavement that i do disagree with him on.
Not that it matters, because its his way that it goes, but that doesnt stop me from having my own opinions, and they are subject to change, he doesnt object to that, as long as i still go his way....and i do.
Im not complicated, im just changeable, dependent on which way the wind is blowing, how much coffee i have had, time of the month.....
Let's just say he is a very patient man! to a certain extent!
(yes comments to reply to, on it tomorrow)
Thursday, 18 June 2015
The chains you cannot see
Kink of the week is chains
I thought i would put a different twist on this.
His chains surround me
keeping me bound
secure in my place
they cannot be seen
but i feel them
i feel them, with every move i make
whether i am by his side or not
they clunk loudly if i stray too far
pulling me back to where i belong
reminding me of my place
there is always a rattle
that cannot be heard, yet they speak to me
giving me reassurance when i need it
safe in these bonds
his possession, his willing captive
chained to him by
chains you cannot see
Tuesday, 16 June 2015
Changes
I made an appointment to see my diabetic specialist, along with my own doctor, i have been putting it off for months because i just didnt know where to start with what i wanted to discuss.
Since being diagnosed with diabetes i have had to face up to the fact that it has changed me, it has impacted certain aspects of our relationship, most especially in regards to s/m, even now im getting the right insulin and its more better controlled than it has been, it does require strict control.
Just for those that have no knowledge of type one diabetes...
Im insulin dependent, i inject 4 times a day, sometimes more if needed, i have to eat regularly, no skipping meals, i have to be careful about what i eat, some fruits contain too much natural sugar, i can have sweet stuff but very little.
My blood sugar levels can drop drastically due to an increase in physical activity, which can result in making me irritable, anxious and cause erratic behaviour, symptoms can vary from my skin being cold and clammy, blurred vision, dizziness, shaking, headaches and more.
It means i need a quick fix of sugar, i usually have glucose tablets on hand, then wait 15 minutes and test blood again, no improvement, repeat, still no improvement..hospital.
And then there is high blood sugar levels, which can be caused by not eating well, emotional stress, feeling unwell. This means i need more insulin, which i always have on hand, if it gets really high its hospital.
So, i spoke to the doctors about how i engage in s/m and if there are any precautions we. or i should be taking, they both were really good, they both have not come across this situation before, so it was quite funny witnessing their reactions.
Diabetic doctor straightaway was "no bruising, no having limbs restricted via bondage, no open cuts no damage to feet at all" (yeah foot problems are a big issue with diabetics) and a lecture on the importance of circulation.
yeah...we have a problem doctor!
feet, i will concede on, i have no problem with missing out on bastinado, but no bruising, no bondage and no open cuts, that is not happening, im not giving up those, just have to exercise more caution.
That pretty much rules out many of the things we enjoy!
The other issues for diabetics, one of which i didnt know and im glad i do now is, it effects my electrolyte levels, which she did explain in great detail..but basically electrical play is very dangerous and can have serious consequences for a type one diabetic, i dont mind admitting she scared the shit out of me when she explained why! so thats a no-no....im mourning that loss! apart from tens units that is acceptable..have to make do with that.
Also i bruise easier, then there is either (dependent on blood sugar level) less feeling of sensation during impact play or more, which explains why sometimes i really have not been able to handle things that before i have had no problems with.
So, yeah it means adjusting, mostly just keeping a check on it more closely, a lot of it is common sense, things that really i should no better..
before play check blood, check it during play (oh yay spontaneity out the fucking window), lots of water on hand, stop play if i get pins and needles, numbness anywhere, dizziness, shaking..the shaking is a problem..because i tend to shake anyway even long before i had the diabetes..from fear, nerves....so not sure how to work around that.
I do feel a lot better that my doctors know, i think its for the best, so worst case scenario and i have to see them for concerns related to s/m..excessive bruising etc they are aware...and if ever i need to be hospitalised.
Since being diagnosed with diabetes i have had to face up to the fact that it has changed me, it has impacted certain aspects of our relationship, most especially in regards to s/m, even now im getting the right insulin and its more better controlled than it has been, it does require strict control.
Just for those that have no knowledge of type one diabetes...
Im insulin dependent, i inject 4 times a day, sometimes more if needed, i have to eat regularly, no skipping meals, i have to be careful about what i eat, some fruits contain too much natural sugar, i can have sweet stuff but very little.
My blood sugar levels can drop drastically due to an increase in physical activity, which can result in making me irritable, anxious and cause erratic behaviour, symptoms can vary from my skin being cold and clammy, blurred vision, dizziness, shaking, headaches and more.
It means i need a quick fix of sugar, i usually have glucose tablets on hand, then wait 15 minutes and test blood again, no improvement, repeat, still no improvement..hospital.
And then there is high blood sugar levels, which can be caused by not eating well, emotional stress, feeling unwell. This means i need more insulin, which i always have on hand, if it gets really high its hospital.
So, i spoke to the doctors about how i engage in s/m and if there are any precautions we. or i should be taking, they both were really good, they both have not come across this situation before, so it was quite funny witnessing their reactions.
Diabetic doctor straightaway was "no bruising, no having limbs restricted via bondage, no open cuts no damage to feet at all" (yeah foot problems are a big issue with diabetics) and a lecture on the importance of circulation.
yeah...we have a problem doctor!
feet, i will concede on, i have no problem with missing out on bastinado, but no bruising, no bondage and no open cuts, that is not happening, im not giving up those, just have to exercise more caution.
That pretty much rules out many of the things we enjoy!
The other issues for diabetics, one of which i didnt know and im glad i do now is, it effects my electrolyte levels, which she did explain in great detail..but basically electrical play is very dangerous and can have serious consequences for a type one diabetic, i dont mind admitting she scared the shit out of me when she explained why! so thats a no-no....im mourning that loss! apart from tens units that is acceptable..have to make do with that.
Also i bruise easier, then there is either (dependent on blood sugar level) less feeling of sensation during impact play or more, which explains why sometimes i really have not been able to handle things that before i have had no problems with.
So, yeah it means adjusting, mostly just keeping a check on it more closely, a lot of it is common sense, things that really i should no better..
before play check blood, check it during play (oh yay spontaneity out the fucking window), lots of water on hand, stop play if i get pins and needles, numbness anywhere, dizziness, shaking..the shaking is a problem..because i tend to shake anyway even long before i had the diabetes..from fear, nerves....so not sure how to work around that.
I do feel a lot better that my doctors know, i think its for the best, so worst case scenario and i have to see them for concerns related to s/m..excessive bruising etc they are aware...and if ever i need to be hospitalised.
Saturday, 13 June 2015
You can lead the horse to water, but you cant make it drink
Confronting refusal/reluctance, brought about by a discussion via email.
There has only ever been one situation that i can recall where i have refused to follow his instructions in the moment, as in during 'play', for sure there have been times when i have and still do say "i dont want to" etc and protest but its still happened, but outright refusal and it hasnt happened..just the once.
There has been times, and im sure there will be more in the future, where we might be discussing a potential scenario etc and i voice that its not something i feel i can do, for xyz reasons.
But...im a slave, i should just obey regardless, because thats what slaves do....ugh, not even going there!
I think there are 3 options the dominant can take in these situations
1) To use force, by any means necessary to ensure compliance.
2) To use positive encouragement, to talk the submissive around, dependent on the situation, to go into what the problem is, to see if it can be resolved there and then.
3) To stop, discuss it, and perhaps re-visit the situation at a later date.
Option one, force, when im reluctant to do something, being confronted with having no choice in the matter, knowing that it will happen whether i like it or not is a huge turn on, but there is a difference between outright refusal and reluctance...its somewhat of a balancing act using force, but mostly the dominant knowing and understanding his sub well.
So for me, i dont enjoy being with a woman sexually, i could quite happily not have to do it at all, but on these times, i am forced/made to do it, the force is not physical (well apart from the time he has shoved my head and held it there between a womans legs) but its more of a "you have no choice"..he knows that i get off on that, still dont enjoy the actual act...but having to do it...fuck yes!
Hypothetical situation.
He ties me up, and tells me he is bringing in another man to fuck me, i wouldnt be reluctant, i would outright refuse, but he forces me too anyway by keeping me tied up and leaving me with no option, or perhaps beat me until i verbally comply, and im fucked by this other man.
Being forced in this situation would have a really negative impact, it would shatter my trust in him, and our relationship as a result would more than likely deteriorate, i wouldnt be able to move past it, it would be well beyond the 'just deal with it and get over it' attitude, my instinct as i even write this, has me saying i would withdraw consent until or if it could even be resolved.
How does he know when its ok to use force and when its not? because he knows me (better than i know myself in many ways), talking a lot, lots and lots, and through the experiences we have with each other.
Whatever option the dominant chooses to take, especially in regards to force, he has to consider the said consequences of that choice, even taking the 3rd option and stopping does not mean he has given in to the submissive, because i think most subs, or rather speaking for myself, i want to obey him, i want to please him, so for me to outright refuse he should know its clearly something i have big concerns with, even reluctance to a certain extent demonstrates im having difficulties that need addressing.
There has only ever been one situation that i can recall where i have refused to follow his instructions in the moment, as in during 'play', for sure there have been times when i have and still do say "i dont want to" etc and protest but its still happened, but outright refusal and it hasnt happened..just the once.
There has been times, and im sure there will be more in the future, where we might be discussing a potential scenario etc and i voice that its not something i feel i can do, for xyz reasons.
But...im a slave, i should just obey regardless, because thats what slaves do....ugh, not even going there!
I think there are 3 options the dominant can take in these situations
1) To use force, by any means necessary to ensure compliance.
2) To use positive encouragement, to talk the submissive around, dependent on the situation, to go into what the problem is, to see if it can be resolved there and then.
3) To stop, discuss it, and perhaps re-visit the situation at a later date.
Option one, force, when im reluctant to do something, being confronted with having no choice in the matter, knowing that it will happen whether i like it or not is a huge turn on, but there is a difference between outright refusal and reluctance...its somewhat of a balancing act using force, but mostly the dominant knowing and understanding his sub well.
So for me, i dont enjoy being with a woman sexually, i could quite happily not have to do it at all, but on these times, i am forced/made to do it, the force is not physical (well apart from the time he has shoved my head and held it there between a womans legs) but its more of a "you have no choice"..he knows that i get off on that, still dont enjoy the actual act...but having to do it...fuck yes!
Hypothetical situation.
He ties me up, and tells me he is bringing in another man to fuck me, i wouldnt be reluctant, i would outright refuse, but he forces me too anyway by keeping me tied up and leaving me with no option, or perhaps beat me until i verbally comply, and im fucked by this other man.
Being forced in this situation would have a really negative impact, it would shatter my trust in him, and our relationship as a result would more than likely deteriorate, i wouldnt be able to move past it, it would be well beyond the 'just deal with it and get over it' attitude, my instinct as i even write this, has me saying i would withdraw consent until or if it could even be resolved.
How does he know when its ok to use force and when its not? because he knows me (better than i know myself in many ways), talking a lot, lots and lots, and through the experiences we have with each other.
Whatever option the dominant chooses to take, especially in regards to force, he has to consider the said consequences of that choice, even taking the 3rd option and stopping does not mean he has given in to the submissive, because i think most subs, or rather speaking for myself, i want to obey him, i want to please him, so for me to outright refuse he should know its clearly something i have big concerns with, even reluctance to a certain extent demonstrates im having difficulties that need addressing.
Wednesday, 10 June 2015
Hoods 'r' us
Spent last night looking for new hoods and browsing Fetlife.
I love being hooded, Master doesnt mind them, he often indulges me by letting me wear one at times, but they are definitely something i love more than he does....he likes having access to my mouth, and to see my eyes...but there is compromise, some hoods dont cover the mouth and eyes, or have detachable parts....personally i prefer full coverage.
Narrowed my selection down to these 2..
I love this watersports one, 2 of my favourite things combined, and it has open mouth and eyes so win-win for both of us.
This one appealed, if only because the advertising tag made me laugh "This piece keeps the mouth firmly closed and stop's your submissive's incessant complaining".....like i complain! :) or another way of looking at is...it would stop me from saying exactly what im thinking at times!
I like the head harness part, we have a head harness with nose hooks, but im liking the mouth cover on this, and i like having the ring on top, allows for more opportunities.
I love being hooded for various reasons, they objectify me, as soon as one is on i get into the headspace of just 'being' very quickly, they are calming, although i have had moments of panic, so if one hasnt worn them before i would recommend one that can be removed very quickly to start with.
They highlight the other senses, touch most especially, it just intensifies everything else, especially with a full hood, when one's sight, hearing, and voice is removed, i either go 2 ways....one it induces fear or i go into subspace...either way i love.
I love being hooded, Master doesnt mind them, he often indulges me by letting me wear one at times, but they are definitely something i love more than he does....he likes having access to my mouth, and to see my eyes...but there is compromise, some hoods dont cover the mouth and eyes, or have detachable parts....personally i prefer full coverage.
Narrowed my selection down to these 2..
I like the head harness part, we have a head harness with nose hooks, but im liking the mouth cover on this, and i like having the ring on top, allows for more opportunities.
I love being hooded for various reasons, they objectify me, as soon as one is on i get into the headspace of just 'being' very quickly, they are calming, although i have had moments of panic, so if one hasnt worn them before i would recommend one that can be removed very quickly to start with.
They highlight the other senses, touch most especially, it just intensifies everything else, especially with a full hood, when one's sight, hearing, and voice is removed, i either go 2 ways....one it induces fear or i go into subspace...either way i love.
Monday, 8 June 2015
Oh. Im motivated now.
Im a terrible procrastinator, not in everything, but sometimes i need motivation.
When i signed up to Fetlife, the reason was at the time there was the scare with blogger and images, so with many possibly going elsewhere to blog, i felt Fetlife would be good for staying in contact with those bloggers that moved on.
I wrote a tiny piece on the profile page, with the comment that i would add more later, and i was going to, i was, but when blogger did a u-turn it wasnt a priority anymore.
When i asked for permission to join, Master was happy for me to do so, i said i would contribute to Fetlife, be active, and well i havent been....and....now im motivated because pics have been put up.....same ones that has been posted on here, i think.....oh joyful! oh and gee thanks ancilla for encouraging him lol
When i think about using Fetlife, what i want is to keep it associated with blogger, in the respect that my friends list is fellow bloggers, what i dont want is past and potential play partners having access to my Fetlife profile, not that i have anything to hide, but rather quite simply i dont want it used for seeking out others.
Because lets face it if one does play with others, one of the first things that is generally asked is "are you on Fetlife" and thats understandable, i have checked out play partners profiles on Fet, get more information about them, opinions etc.
With blogger the information i put out here is contained, with Fetlife it isnt so much, and thats what concerns me. I dont want my Fetlife profile as a means of seeking others, and he is ok with that, the solution is to have a separate (unlinked) profile for that purpose....and he can write, post photos of what he likes.
But anyway, now i have been 'motivated' im going to make Monday and Thursday Fetlife days, where i commit to contributing in some form, today i think i shall work on my profile...although have no idea what to put, and yeah lets see how it goes.
When i signed up to Fetlife, the reason was at the time there was the scare with blogger and images, so with many possibly going elsewhere to blog, i felt Fetlife would be good for staying in contact with those bloggers that moved on.
I wrote a tiny piece on the profile page, with the comment that i would add more later, and i was going to, i was, but when blogger did a u-turn it wasnt a priority anymore.
When i asked for permission to join, Master was happy for me to do so, i said i would contribute to Fetlife, be active, and well i havent been....and....now im motivated because pics have been put up.....same ones that has been posted on here, i think.....oh joyful! oh and gee thanks ancilla for encouraging him lol
When i think about using Fetlife, what i want is to keep it associated with blogger, in the respect that my friends list is fellow bloggers, what i dont want is past and potential play partners having access to my Fetlife profile, not that i have anything to hide, but rather quite simply i dont want it used for seeking out others.
Because lets face it if one does play with others, one of the first things that is generally asked is "are you on Fetlife" and thats understandable, i have checked out play partners profiles on Fet, get more information about them, opinions etc.
With blogger the information i put out here is contained, with Fetlife it isnt so much, and thats what concerns me. I dont want my Fetlife profile as a means of seeking others, and he is ok with that, the solution is to have a separate (unlinked) profile for that purpose....and he can write, post photos of what he likes.
But anyway, now i have been 'motivated' im going to make Monday and Thursday Fetlife days, where i commit to contributing in some form, today i think i shall work on my profile...although have no idea what to put, and yeah lets see how it goes.
Friday, 5 June 2015
Oh....
Tonight was meant to be a night out.
Change of plans, looking after friends 2 month old baby girl as older child needs taking to casualty..
I had forgotten how much baby sick smells, 3 change of tops later.....has brought back that memory.
It may well turn into an over-nighter from the latest update......i have forgotten what its like to get up for a night feed...i guess im going to have that memory brought back as well.
*edited this morning*
Well, i have to say it was not as bad as i thought it was going to be, she slept through from 12.30 ish to nearly 6 am...her dad picked her up half an hour ago, her brother is set to come home today, and now coffee..lots of it.
Change of plans, looking after friends 2 month old baby girl as older child needs taking to casualty..
I had forgotten how much baby sick smells, 3 change of tops later.....has brought back that memory.
It may well turn into an over-nighter from the latest update......i have forgotten what its like to get up for a night feed...i guess im going to have that memory brought back as well.
*edited this morning*
Well, i have to say it was not as bad as i thought it was going to be, she slept through from 12.30 ish to nearly 6 am...her dad picked her up half an hour ago, her brother is set to come home today, and now coffee..lots of it.
Facts about him
Because im pretty sure you know more about me than you want to know!
1) When he is away on business related trips, one of his first priorities is finding the nearest Indian restaurant, on the times i go with him i used to try and sway him to other restaurants..i have given up!
5) He is a workaholic, i dont think he will ever retire, not full time anyway, its very important to him, i respect that but its difficult at times
6) He has travelled a lot over the world with business, worked in Africa for a few years, the US, Europe and now hates travelling in respect of holidaying.
7) He has a wicked sense of humour although it can be quite dry and your sat there wondering "is he being serious?"
Kink
1) His first bdsm experience was aged 17 whilst at university with an older woman in which he was the bottom, he said he liked the power play, it but he liked it even more when they switched..and then there was no going back.
2) I would say imo his favourite type of kink is humiliation, physical and mental, he can make me feel so worthless, that im nothing to him, i can take it because i know above it all how important i am to him
3) One of the few things he has no interest in is extreme water torture, which just happens to be something i would love to experience.
4) He has in his past topped men, and i would love to watch him doing just that...a big fantasy/on wish list of mine
5) He doesnt believe or rather hold to the idea of having limits....his thinking is more..placing limits on oneself is just limiting your imagination and limiting your experiences...over the years i have slowly come around to that way of thinking...it simply comes down to knowing one another and communication.
6) He is consistent with me, he doesnt make idle threats or promises, if he says he will do something he will, whether it be something nice or not, i need this, i dont like uncertainty, he doesnt change his mind or expectations of me on a whim.
7) His favourite implement is the single tail whip, with the cane coming in a close second, im the other way around.
Fiona allocated me 14, so im going to do them about Master
Vanilla
1) When he is away on business related trips, one of his first priorities is finding the nearest Indian restaurant, on the times i go with him i used to try and sway him to other restaurants..i have given up!
2) Contrary to how he might come across on here, as i portray him, he is actually very laid back, and easy going, out of the two of us im the one that has a fiery temperament...i know your finding that hard to believe about me :)
3) He doesnt smoke cigarettes, never has, dislikes it, but yet he does enjoy dope/weed for recreational/relaxing purposes, he can be quite pliable when he is on a 'high' not that i would dream of taking advantage of that....ok maybe a little lol
4) His hobbies are varied, birdwatching, caving (he also does cave rescue), ham radio, motorbiking (the closest to wearing leather he gets), deep sea diving oh and drinking beer...not that he has much time for hobbies these days
5) He is a workaholic, i dont think he will ever retire, not full time anyway, its very important to him, i respect that but its difficult at times
6) He has travelled a lot over the world with business, worked in Africa for a few years, the US, Europe and now hates travelling in respect of holidaying.
7) He has a wicked sense of humour although it can be quite dry and your sat there wondering "is he being serious?"
Kink
1) His first bdsm experience was aged 17 whilst at university with an older woman in which he was the bottom, he said he liked the power play, it but he liked it even more when they switched..and then there was no going back.
2) I would say imo his favourite type of kink is humiliation, physical and mental, he can make me feel so worthless, that im nothing to him, i can take it because i know above it all how important i am to him
3) One of the few things he has no interest in is extreme water torture, which just happens to be something i would love to experience.
4) He has in his past topped men, and i would love to watch him doing just that...a big fantasy/on wish list of mine
5) He doesnt believe or rather hold to the idea of having limits....his thinking is more..placing limits on oneself is just limiting your imagination and limiting your experiences...over the years i have slowly come around to that way of thinking...it simply comes down to knowing one another and communication.
6) He is consistent with me, he doesnt make idle threats or promises, if he says he will do something he will, whether it be something nice or not, i need this, i dont like uncertainty, he doesnt change his mind or expectations of me on a whim.
7) His favourite implement is the single tail whip, with the cane coming in a close second, im the other way around.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)