Ok so my April officially starts now...a month of positive posting!..lets see how it goes :)
This week, no month (cant remember exact date) is 10 years since Master and i met face to face for the first time.
I dont think either of us expected us to be here, where we are now, i know that doesnt sound very good, one doesnt generally go into a relationship thinking it wont last! but then that i think is the point, neither of us was seeking a relationship as such, and certainly not love....and yet here we are.
Right, positive tori!....no negativity, i can do this, yes i can
I am happy with how much i have grown over the years, not just in being his slave but overall, im more sure of myself, of what i want and what i need, and im confident in being able to express that, but i think mostly im in a place of just trusting him enough to know what i want and need, and it took a long time getting there.
But i think a lot of that is simply maturing, growing up, experience etc, entering into an M/s dynamic at the age of 29 was just opening another door to discovering myself, exploring this side of me i was unsure about, not knowing if it was for me, i had doubts, but im so glad i gave it a go, i certainly have no regrets.
Master has always maintained that it was always in me, it just needed bringing out, if it wasnt him, it would of been some other dominant, and he has a point, but i for one am glad it was not someone else, we are lucky that we are very compatible, our needs and wants for the most part are on par.
Its difficult i think starting out, because one might not know for sure, it was different for me than him, i was relatively inexperienced, certainly not enough to be confident in knowing for sure what i liked, or indeed what i didnt like or to know what i wanted, whereas he has decades of experience more than me, he was/is very sure of what he likes, expects and wants.....i thought that might be an issue.
But, i took to it all really well, yes there were blips, and still are blips, (but this is a positive post) and i relished in discovering this 'world', that i thrived on being controlled, pleasing him being so important to me, that it became more important than my own discomfort or dislike of something...took me a while to get there, but when i did, it was a breakthrough.
Discovering the extent of my masochism came as an eye opener, i was worried that i wouldnt be masochistic enough for him, and i know even now that im not, but im enough of a pain slut, dont like that term btw to satisfy him.
It can only get better.
So i suppose i should end on a soppy note, i dont do a lot of sentimental posts, but a decade together warrants it i think!
Master, you have given me, shown me so much in the last 10 years, more than i could ever return, i know i must drive you crazy at times, 10 years ago i respected you as my dominant, but i came to love you as well as respect you as my Owner.
I cant wait to see where the next 10 years leads us, or perhaps more apt where you lead me.
I love you