Sunday, 12 April 2015
The expectation of acknowledgement, praise, the "good girl"
If he asks me to do something, he expects it do be done, and i do it, should i expect an acknowledgement of a good girl or praise?
in the short of it no, because im doing whats expected of me, in the respect of being his slave
However its not that simple is it? it never is!...ok, not for me perhaps.
it depends somewhat of what is being asked..
there are times i get frustrated, even a little hurt that i dont get acknowledgement, i get this sense of entitlement that i deserve it, because i have done something that perhaps i have found difficult, and i need his praise, i want the 'good girl', i want him to take note that im doing well, that he is pleased with me.
I do get it, but on his terms, he sees to my needs in his way, but my needs are met, i just dont dictate to him when and how they are, it would perhaps mean less to me if i was to say to him "i wanted you to say you were pleased with me, or to tell me im a "good girl" etc and then he did, it wouldnt mean much, i want him to say it because he means it, not to placate me....not that he would do that anyway.
However, i do need his praise, to be told he is pleased with me etc, i think its important for a healthy dynamic, but its a balancing act, he provides me with enough encouragement and support that i should feel and be secure, to know that in the grand scheme of things he is pleased with me.....coz im certainly sure when i know he isnt!
But yet its accepting not to expect it, and when i dont, to not get resentful, im submissive, his slave, i should be obedient, i should be pleasing that is simply how it is, its not a case of 'well i did this for you...wheres my praise etc'. coz you know he should be bloody damn grateful that im submitting to him because its a gift im giving him!
That is not an attitude that demonstrates humility, not in my mind, and the whole submission is a gift thing has never sat right with me, and i still struggle to put my finger on exactly why, i just feel that its almost like saying that he should be grateful...hmm im pondering on this.
I think its time to take a little break.