Sunday, 12 April 2015
The expectation of acknowledgement, praise, the "good girl"
If he asks me to do something, he expects it do be done, and i do it, should i expect an acknowledgement of a good girl or praise?
in the short of it no, because im doing whats expected of me, in the respect of being his slave
However its not that simple is it? it never is!...ok, not for me perhaps.
it depends somewhat of what is being asked..
there are times i get frustrated, even a little hurt that i dont get acknowledgement, i get this sense of entitlement that i deserve it, because i have done something that perhaps i have found difficult, and i need his praise, i want the 'good girl', i want him to take note that im doing well, that he is pleased with me.
I do get it, but on his terms, he sees to my needs in his way, but my needs are met, i just dont dictate to him when and how they are, it would perhaps mean less to me if i was to say to him "i wanted you to say you were pleased with me, or to tell me im a "good girl" etc and then he did, it wouldnt mean much, i want him to say it because he means it, not to placate me....not that he would do that anyway.
However, i do need his praise, to be told he is pleased with me etc, i think its important for a healthy dynamic, but its a balancing act, he provides me with enough encouragement and support that i should feel and be secure, to know that in the grand scheme of things he is pleased with me.....coz im certainly sure when i know he isnt!
But yet its accepting not to expect it, and when i dont, to not get resentful, im submissive, his slave, i should be obedient, i should be pleasing that is simply how it is, its not a case of 'well i did this for you...wheres my praise etc'. coz you know he should be bloody damn grateful that im submitting to him because its a gift im giving him!
That is not an attitude that demonstrates humility, not in my mind, and the whole submission is a gift thing has never sat right with me, and i still struggle to put my finger on exactly why, i just feel that its almost like saying that he should be grateful...hmm im pondering on this.
I think its time to take a little break.
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Hi Tori, I think it's about showing appreciation for each others efforts and encouraging each other in our roles. Besides, we all need a little praise from time to time. Also, it lets us know if we are on the right track in our submission.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about submission being a gift either. I guess prthaps it is in the sense that we can withdraw consent or call a halt to the dynamic. I dunno.
Hugs
Roz
I like that train of thought Roz, i never would have thought about it like that..but yes showing appreciation is a lot more apt.
Deletethanks
x
I think the biggest struggle is not knowing if He was pleased or not. For me, my concern is if i took the task too far and He was utterly disgusted by it.
ReplyDeleteIs it a gift? I don't know. I struggle there too.
I think you would more than likely know if he wasnt.....and i should worry about him being utterly disgusted by it, but yes i know easier said than done.
Deleteoh the gift thing just well like i said doesnt sit right with me
x
It is really important to me to know that I've been pleasing him. I don't need praise for everything, but the random positive comment is super helpful. Also, we discuss this most nights.
ReplyDeleteYes its important to me, i want it need it, its just learning not to expect it that i have problems with.
Deletex
I think it is part of our human nature to want and need positive reinforcement from time to time. For me, I don't need it all the time, but when it is offered it makes me feel great. I too am not sure about the gift, perhaps it is about the fact that on both sides we give something that is not part of other relationships. He gives you his dominance and you give him your submission (or vice versa).
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is part of human nature, that need to know, to be accepted.
DeleteI am inclined to agree with your thoughts about the gift issue, its something we both give to each other, meeting each others needs, so therefore not a gift.
x
Hi Tori,
ReplyDeleteI crave the "good girl", as well. I don't ask for it, as I see it meaning less if I pump it out of him. So I wait....and wait...and wait some more. Once I hear it though, I purr. Good things come to those that wait!
Hugs,
Kathy
Yes! this is me, i want it but i dont ask for it....and its worth that much more when it happens.
Deletex
tori,
ReplyDeleteIt has to be interactive - of course, if all i ever heard about was how i displeased him - i wouldn't really last long. On the other hand, i've definitely had to learn to listen to him how and when he gives feedback, not my way. The gift thing - meh - submission's a gift, dominance is a gift, love, life, pretty flowers, sunny days - everything is a gift. Gratitude is important - but it works a lot better for me to be grateful for what he does for me. It's hard for me to imagine keeping a decent mindset if i were thinking what a great gift i am to him.
This makes a lot of sense gg, thank you
DeleteYes i think gratitude is important and i like they way you stated how it works for you, the gift..yeah im thinking much the same as you.
x
I think we al thrive on true compliments. I think the human will fade a bit when not appreciations comes our way. That goes for both sub or Dom. Whatever you are you should never be taken for granted.
ReplyDeletelove
ara
I think we do yes, its nice to be complemented, to have our efforts recognised, and he does, i guess its not expecting it when i think i should.
Deletex