Years ago, in the beginning with Master, i expected to get a collar, because well you cant be a slave without a collar!!! that was my thinking. However Master places no value on them whatsoever, they simply mean nothing to him,and although i was quite put out initially coz i wanted a collar dammit.....i realised that what would be the point of having and wearing a collar that meant nothing to him.
Wearing a collar, does not a slave make.
I used to really believe, and i have old posts to prove it, that being a slave meant having no limits whatsoever, no safeword..coz we all know slaves are just there to be used as Master sees fit, regardless of how slave feels and thinks..right?
Wrong, all that does not a slave make.
I used to refer to myself as slave a lot, i felt that it was important that everyone knew i was a slave, didnt matter that i was only a few months into this relationship...yes people i knew it all...coz i was a slave.
Saying "yes im a slave, and im going to keep repeating it at every opportunity, just to make sure you know that" does not a slave make.
Im a masochist, i can take a lot of pain, i enjoy it, i love to be humiliated and degraded...and yes you may have guessed whats coming, i figured because im like this im even more a slave.
Being able to take a beating and enjoying humiliation does not a slave make.
Well not the slave that Master wants anyway.
For him its about behaviour, adapting the way i think, and i cant be told how to think, i had and have to get there on my own, sure under his guidance, leading me in the direction he wants...but i had to want to it, it cant be forced.
But behaviour isnt very specific, so its about learning what behaviour he likes and what he doesnt, being of service, not just when its sexual but all round, and taking pleasure from that, because its pleasing to him, even if it is something as trivial as making him a cup of tea.
Its simply more about the mind than it is the physical, i dont dwell on not having a collar anymore, because its the mental and emotional bonds that are forged that make me the slave he wants.
and sometimes i think i still have a long way to go, that i will never get to be this slave that i should be, but im ok with that because experience has taught me that its more than just thinking "im a slave" because of all the reasons above, and its ok that i have struggles, that i dont always behave as he would like because i dont have to try to live up to be this perfect slave that was my 'ideal'....and rather than thinking there has to be a 'final destination' there doesnt its simply the journey that matters.