Thursday, 13 February 2014

Carrot, stick, donkey

Reading over at http://thoughtsfromhisslut.blogspot.co.uk/ and her post on limits got me thinking about how one goes about over-coming them, do they need to be over-come?   i suppose im pondering how is dealing with limits managed in general.

If i look back to when Master and i first got together and he asked for my limits,  he requested that i separate them by things i just would not do at all (hard limits) and things i was unsure of/no interest in (soft limits) and giving reasons.

Needles was on my would not do at all......hmm yet my previous post described a scene that involved needles, and i loved it! needles are now a favourite of mine...... will come back to that.

Having to really think about the reasons of why i wouldnt do something and then examining said reasons was really helpful, and most of the reasons were because i was scared, thought it too extreme/too painful, the reason of just not wanting to do something he would not accept...there had to be a reason.

We discussed them, my reasons and he answered my questions, with the benefit of his experience he was able to put to rest some of my fears, the hard limits were left alone, the soft ones we could work on as and when.

One of the most impacting emotions of these relationships, ttwd, of being submissive, is when the need to please one dominant takes over, its so strong that one can find themselves wanting, needing to overcome our own personal dislikes/fears etc and to not hold back.

As our relationship progressed, a turning point came when i asked for enslavement and he accepted, it was understood that at this point my limits, hard and soft would be handed to him, so in effect i had no 'personal' limits only those that he had himself.

This did not mean that overnight, a week, month etc that he broke every one of them, not at all, it simply meant that he now held the right to push them as and when he felt was the right time and i had no get-out, and even now 8 years on there are still some that havent been pushed and perhaps never will be.

Some he did push me on, not necessarily in a hard handed way, but making it clear that it was going to be something we would be doing, talking to me about it, listening to me, giving me time to process it etc...but it was going to happen, and he would rather i go to it in a positive mindset, that i looked forward to it, wanted it even.

Other times yes there was an element of force, not in a physical sense that i needed to be physically made to comply, but more a you are doing this now, you can bitch, moan, beg, cry as much as you want...but it is happening.

Now the needles, he played the waiting game, they was not mentioned, i was not pressured at all, but i knew that he enjoyed them, and going back to that needing to please over-riding ones own fear/dislike..well thats what happened in this case.

I wanted to give him something that he hadnt and wouldnt ask for from me, even though at that point in our relationship it was understood he could anyway, i realise now what i didnt then he knew this time would come, for me it was a huge step forward, for us both i guess.

I asked for them, i was scared, didnt want them, but i asked for them, putting his pleasure before mine was what i focused on.

And afterwards, i was on cloud 9, for one because they was no where near as bad as i had built them up to be in my head, and i had conquered a fear, but mostly because i had given him another part of me that i held back, and i want him to have all of me, all that he wants and needs...and he gives me so much more.


































14 comments:

  1. Oh tori .. I am so glad that you posted this. I am glad that the discussion on limits (hard or otherwise) is circulating throughout blogland. I have been thinking about it alot since I made my own post the other day. And I think you are aboslutely right. I really think time is key .. the longer you have together in your dynamic, the more trust there is of course and that ever present NEED to please. I cannot say that I would change my hard limits but if ever I were to have a long term relationship of course I would definately keep my mind open to all new possibilities.

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    1. I think keeping ones mind open is the best course, doesnt mean that it will change what we really dont want to do, but sometimes i think there is a tendency to become so convinced we wont do something that we cant look beyond growth in ourselves.

      x

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  2. Love this post. After today's lunch, I'll be posting again. Thank you for the shout out! I love the insight to your slavery. It truly helps me when I'm looking at my submission.

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    1. Thanks

      I enjoyed your post because it made me think, and re look at how i think now to how i thought 6/7 years ago....introspection is good i think.

      x

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  3. Wow Tori, this is wonderful and insightful post which I'm sure will be helpful to many of us. It has given me much food for thought. As gk said, I think time is the key. A greater trust develops along with the need/desire to please.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. thank you Roz

      Time is so important, its so easy to rush in and want to do it all NOW lol, but its better to be patient and allow ourselves time to grow and learn not just for us but for the relationship as a whole.

      x

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  4. Tori,

    Terrific post! I always respect limits, but I do like to encourage people to explore them. Usually, they are happy they did.

    Loved this post. Also, you are soooo brave.

    Hug,
    Joey

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    1. Thanks joey

      Couldnt agree more, respect limits but be open to exploring them...absolutley!

      brave? ooh i wouldnt say that lol

      x

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    1. Thanks Misty, im glad you liked it.

      x

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  6. oooooh yes, this is fab! my husband is a dab hand at the waiting game too - don't know whether I think it's a good or a bad thing sometimes!

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    1. Yeah im unsure of whether its a good thing or not.....depends on whether its too my advantage or not lol

      x

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  7. I liked your post and I, too, had many limits when I first met my Master. But, like you, my Master discussed them, asked questions, answered questions, let me process, and some he has demanded will happen, some he has pushed gently, some are also his limits, and some I've asked for!

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    1. Thank you

      Its so important to discuss them, get an understanding of what the fear, reluctance etc is coming from, and being open to having them explored.

      x

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