Triggers

Its odd, well not odd but i guess its going to sound really trivial but well as i have said many a time i do enjoy humiliation, but it is personal to the individual, there are little things that just trigger this reaction in me, not a positive one, and thats certain 'pet names'.  I just find some of them belittling in a way i dont like.

Being called subbie, i hate that, along with little one or little sub, i know trivial right?  and i cant even begin to give a reasonable explanation of why, they just rub me up the wrong way.

Now bitch, cunt or slut is fine, slag is a huge no, whore an even bigger no, they are just words, i know that, but words, phrases and how they are used, and more importantly how they are interpreted by the recipient makes them more than just words, they can get under your skin, eat away at you and play on ones mind.

A lot of it is just semantics, but still its how its worded that can trigger different results, a

"does my little sub want a nice spanking?" would not do it for me at all, but a

"does my bitch need a good beating?" will have me dripping straight away.

Anything weight related or degrading comments about my body will have me withdrawing, i do know the reasons for this my stepdad....well as a teen he constantly would belittle me, my appearance, well he just knocked my self esteem lets just leave it at that.

Being compared to another, put in a situation of competing with another, once many years ago now we were with a couple, Master had just finished caning me, not a hard caning by any means and the other dominant said something like (i cant remember exactly word for word) "oh, you should see what my sub can take, and proceeded to cane his sub, leaving these fancy kriss cross marks, after expecting Master to continue caning me,  Master didnt rise to the bait, the fact is i could have taken a lot more, but thats not the point.

Im not a 'game' and i wouldnt like the idea of being used as a 'party piece', perhaps its insecurity on my part but im not very confident in myself in the respect of being good enough, so anything that might put me in a position of not being good enough or any references made to be not being good enough would do more harm than good.

Im not an exhibitionist, although we have played with others in the past, its been a long, long time since we have and although i enjoyed some elements of it, im much more content and confident in private, i dont like public play, or public humiliation, the very idea of going out dressed like a common tart distresses me, heck i dont even like going out with no underwear on....thankfully Master likes me in nice underwear and its rare he will make the request of no knickers.

When we had played with others, i did perform oral sex on dominants, went down on femsubs, but truthfully im happier now being monogamous, i fantasise about being gang-banged, being passed around...but its one of those fantasies that is best left as just that, i couldnt cope with it, not on an emotional level.

I know he misses it at times (the playing with others that is), and that in itself makes me feel not good enough, because i should be able to give him that, to enjoy it for him, and its not that i hated it all, some elements of it were enjoyable but i would be content not to have to do it again.