I have lots of freedoms, as much as there are many things that i do have to have his permission for there is many more things im permitted to do without running to him every 5 mins, it works well for us, i tend to try to follow the direction of knowing him as well as i do and what his expectations are, what he approves of etc that i act accordingly.
Sometimes, as has happened recently, im given a short sharp reminder that what i perceive to be things i can do without having to ask, things that i guess really i take for granted are privileges, and ones he can take away.
The general, all important rule is im to be obedient and pleasing, and thats really common sense, well it should be but its not just as black and white as that, well in my mind its not...in his mind...well....it is that simple.
And i have dwelled on this a lot as of late after a discussion with him, i didnt like a decision he made and expressed as much, he asked if i was arguing, i wasnt and i stated that i was simply voicing my opinion and its what i thought....he replied that this was not permitted! (along with other 'privalages' being taken away) and that took me back, he has never once denied me my voice, not in this way.
I brought it on myself, i know that i havent been as pleasing and obedient as i should be, well obedient yes, i wont back down on that, but i have been failing miserably on the pleasing side, and that stems from getting complacent, taking for granted and pushing the boundaries of what im allowed to do.
It brought home to me that the freedoms i percieve to have, that i consider my 'rights', the very things that most take for granted are permissible only because he allows it.....and as much as i might be put out that i have been denied these things until behaviour improves, it very much gave me that comforting feeling of containment, reminding me im owned.
It will make me more appreciate of what i am allowed, that when all is said and done i have it good.
I had an argument with my Master yesterday, something about the kids. It was really because he had made a decision without any input from me that I had never considered making, and my first unthinking response was to throw up objections "But... but... but..." He just said "It's better my way, you'll see" and I gave in. It was only really an argument because we were already in such bad moods we could hardly be civil to each other. Then later on he made me apologize and say he had been right all along. It wasn't that hard to swallow what was left of my dregs of pride.
ReplyDeleteIm just very opinionated lol, and sometimes i get so caught up in making my point i cant listen to reason and when i get like that, i push too far, usually he will here me out but i wouldnt let it go...it was disrespectful.
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I wish that it could be "That simple" in my mind too!
ReplyDeleteI think that I am often at my submissive worst when I slip into complacency. Sometimes it's hard to avoid....But I do think that it can be quite detrimental to one's behavior (okay, by "one's" I admit I mean mine).
"that i consider my 'rights', the very things that most take for granted are permissible only because he allows it" So very very true. And occasionally easy to forget.
oh your not alone lil, i think it is detrimental to ones behaviour, i get so caught up in that its 'ok' i find myself taking it for granted and making assumptions when i shouldnt.
DeleteAnd i hate that i need to be reminded of this, i should know but yeah in my mind its not that simple!
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Hi Tori, oh gosh, they can be full of surprises sometimes can't they? Thank you for posting this because you got me thinking. It can be so easy to take things for granted and 'assume' something will be ok with him. In fact, just today I went ahead and did something I really shouldn't have without seeking permission first.
ReplyDeleteAs Lil said too, I also find slipping into complacency can be so easy at times and that makes it worse ... um, like today!
Hugs,
Roz
hi ya Roz
DeleteIt is too easy to slip into, and when one starts going down that road it becomes the norm and yeah taken for granted.....i just went too far, i should have let it go but i wasnt going to.
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tori,
ReplyDeleteSometimes simple things can be so difficult to do all of the time.
Big Hug,
joey
oh joey how very true that is! thankyou
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That last line is all that matters... well that and that you learned something :)
ReplyDeleteHUG
thanks Misty, yes i learned that i have to try to accept his decisions, im trying lol
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Hi Tori! That happens over here every few months as well. It can be quite maddening because things will be going so well and then slowly but surely the slip ups start happening which means Master has to tighten his reigns.
ReplyDeleteAlthough that can be troubling at first, it is comforting as well.
hey db, good to see you
DeleteIt is maddening, mostly i think because i do know better, i just let my emotions get the better of me and i push!
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I'm usually permitted to speak freely, but there are times when my man doesn't allow me to talk at all. Usually when he feels I'm nagging, overreacting over nothing, being lippy, or overly sarcastic and having an attitude.
ReplyDeleteYes generally i am, as long as its in a respectful manner, alas in this particular case it wasnt, i got frustrated and wouldnt let it drop and i should have.
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Oh, I've been pondering on this post all day!
ReplyDeleteMy first reaction was - well, I do have all these rights - free voice, opinion, etc. He doesn't grant them as privileges, and that much is true.
But... and i wonder sometimes if he realises this.. if he decided one day that they WERE privileges that he had control over, and he took them away.. Well, I wouldn't be happy and I don't know how well it would work but... I'd accept it and do the best I could to adapt to it. Which is a scary revelation, but I know deep down this is how I would be about it.
So in the end, even if I've got to it from a different route, they ARE all privileges that he grants me I guess, I just frame it differently in my head...
Very interesting. I do love your blogging Tori, you always send me off after a visit here with lots to think about!
I wander if sometimes these things are subtly in the background, they happen, but we dont realise it until one is pulled up on it...im not sure that makes any sense lol
DeleteBut yes i get what your saying about framing it differently in your head, its there but in a way that is percieved differently but yet the same thing.
thank you very much mc, its one thing i love about blogging myself is reading posts that give me pause for thought.
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