What with me not working anymore, i have time on my hands and consequently more time to blog, which at the moment im not thinking is a good thing, i think i have blogged overload this week, but hey this is my last post until after the weekend.
My 2 older brothers often refer to me as 'the brat' and with good reason, im the only girl, the youngest and i guess you could say i had an indulgent childhood...ok yes you can translate that as spoiled, im a daddys girl, even now he will indulge me.
So sometimes i get fixated on getting my own way and i feel an injustice when i dont get it, Master i learnt from the beginning will not tolerate bratty behaviour, and to be fair im not a brat not in the respect of acting up to get a beating or to get his attention etc, im not a bratty sub.
He stamped on that sort of behaviour right from the start.
He would and will ignore that sort of behaviour, thats not to say i would get away with it but he wouldnt give in to what i would be hoping to achieve by said behaviour...that making any sense?
So it sinks in eventually that it wont be tolerated, that need to be pleasing over-rides the need to have my own way, because by behaving bratty/childish doesnt please him, it disappoints and that is gut wrenching.
Am i difficult? sometimes yes, sometimes i wander how he has put up with me, at the moment yeah im peed off with him, he wont allow me something i want and the reasonable, accepting me knows that this is his right.
and im struggling to keep myself from behaving in a way he wont approve of, so far im doing ok, at this particular moment the sane part of me knows not to push him right now, well i shouldnt at any time....
but its a struggle, an internal fight with myself.