Friday 31 January 2014

Keeping it in

What with me not working anymore, i have time on my hands and consequently more time to blog, which at the moment im not thinking is a good thing, i think i have blogged overload this week, but hey this is my last post until after the weekend.

My 2 older brothers often refer to me as 'the brat' and with good reason, im the only girl, the youngest and i guess you could say i had an indulgent childhood...ok yes you can translate that as spoiled, im a daddys girl, even now he will indulge me.

So sometimes i get fixated on getting my own way and i  feel an injustice when i dont get it, Master i learnt from the beginning will not tolerate bratty behaviour, and to be fair im not a brat not in the respect of acting up to get a beating or to get his attention etc, im not a bratty sub.

He stamped on that sort of behaviour right from the start.

He would and will ignore that sort of behaviour, thats not to say i would get away with it but he wouldnt give in to what i would be hoping to achieve by said behaviour...that making any sense?

So it sinks in eventually that it wont be tolerated, that need to be pleasing over-rides the need to have my own way, because by behaving bratty/childish doesnt please him, it disappoints and that is gut wrenching.

Am i difficult?  sometimes yes, sometimes i wander how he has put up with me, at the moment yeah im peed off with him, he wont allow me something i want and the reasonable, accepting me knows that this is his right.

and im struggling to keep myself from behaving in a way he wont approve of, so far im doing ok, at this particular moment the sane part of me knows not to push him right now, well i shouldnt at any time....

but its a struggle, an internal fight with myself.




14 comments:

  1. Well ... isn't that what this blog should be about. A place you can come to & let your frustrations out .. your "brattiness" even. To write it out & work thru it in your head?
    So you can get rid of the frustration here and be the pleasing sub that He expects you to be?
    That's what I use my blog for .. it helps me to unscrambled my usually scrambled brain. ... just sayin' :D

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    1. Yep, this is my little space to moan and rant, coz i cant at him lol

      I totally agree that i find it helps to ramble on here, to try to make sense of whats going on in my head.

      x

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  2. I agree with gk. Blog the brattiness ask you want. :)

    Btw, so nice to have you back. Loving ask the posts. Though now that I'm working I don't get to comment as much.

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    1. thanks Hs

      Im the opposite now im not working, i have too much time on my hands lol

      x

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  3. Glad you're blogging so much this week so I could stop over and say that I've been thinking about your previous post all day. You sparked a flame in me I didn't really know was there...still not even sure I'd be comfortable with that sort of sadism, but um... I guess I must be interested because I can't stop thinking about it.

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    1. Renee, i think its perfectly natural to be curios, its my damn curiosity that got me here lol

      There was a time that i know it would of made me uncomfortable but i think growth and realising, perhaps accepting is more apt that im a masochist and i do get off on it.

      x

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  4. Submission isn't easy otherwise we would just be weak ;) ava x p.s. Love all the writing!

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    1. That is so very true.

      Thanks, although its distracting me from things i probably should be doing lol

      x

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  5. HI Tori, I'm glad you've been suffering blogging overload this week :) I too am the youngest of three and only girl and have always been a daddy's girl.

    Totally agree with gk. use your blog to let your frustration out.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. hi ya Roz

      Its nice having the time to give to blogger,but my ironing pile is growing lol

      Being a daddy's girl is awesome!

      x

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  6. Just say what you are feeling. We are your friends.

    Hugs,
    joey

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    1. Thanks joey,

      I try to, but heck sometimes i dont know how im feeling, or rather how to articulate it.

      x

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  7. It's probably obvious but, I can get a little crazy when I don't get what I want... I might have even stomped my feet a time or two :/

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    1. ahh yes the stomping feet.....i do it in my head, does that count! lol

      x

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