Its not the asking for something i would like or want that i have difficulty with....its the being scared of actually getting what i want/like, because sometimes what i want to ask for im scared of, i guess you could say its the whole issue of biting off more than i can chew...and he has this rule that once i ask specifically for something and if he is agreeable its a done deal...no going back.
He likes me to go to him and ask him, well he prefers begging...im not very good at begging for something i would like, of course he can choose to do these things to me without me asking but its more of a thrill i think for him to have me go to him, to willingly say to him "i want this" most especially if it appeals to his sadistic side.
What do i want? (if its written, rather than verbal, can i have a *get out*), if not i would really like the right to retract this post?...hey if you dont ask you dont get......or maybe i do get and thats what i really want...im rambling, i know.
ok so i want
you to hurt me, a lot, i want you to take me beyond my endurance level, its been a long time since we have done that, and i know when (if) it happens i will try to beg my way out of it, i know i will afterwards be withdrawn, sulky because i would have wanted you to stop...but i will get past that..i did the last time, didnt i?
i want to suffer for you, i want it to be solely about fulfilling your needs, i know you hold back, and im not saying i want your worst, but i want a taste of it it, i want to be able to try to give you what you need, and i know you say i am what you need, and i do satisfy you....but i also know your sadism exceeds my masochism and i want to try to catch up.
i know you will most likely say "we'll see" or even perhaps you will ask me if im sure this is what i want, and at the moment i am sure, i know this is what i want......but i do know i wont want it if it happens, i will more than likely fight (verbally) you every step of the way...but i need this, im good health wise, im ready for this...its been too long.
ok, sitting here thinking this over and over,im sure of this..and deep breath..hitting publish.