Well it was only a matter of time...

A couple of weeks ago a jury cleared a man of assault after a "50 shades inspired s/m session overstepped the boundries of fantasy"

Steven Lock, 43, and a woman in her forties, who cannot be named for legal reasons, began a relationship based around sado-masochistic role play after meeting on a dating website.

 

But prosecutors alleged that last August the fantasy went too far as Lock chained the women "like a dog" to his bedroom floor and whipped her repeatedly with a rope.

He denied assault causing actual bodily harm, saying the woman had consented.

 

During the trial, Lock was asked by defence counsel Roger Thomson if he and the alleged victim had read Fifty Shades Of Grey.

He replied: "That's where we got the idea from."

 

The court heard the couple took part in group sex and bondage together and the woman had the words "Property of Steven Lock" tattooed around her genitals.

The woman also signed a contract promising Mr Lock free use of her body and entitling him to lash her if she did not follow his rules.

Lock told the court the woman consented to the activity and the couple agreed on the code word "Red", which was to be used if either of them began to feel uncomfortable.

The woman, who told the court she broke down in tears and screamed as she was beaten 14 times with the rope, never used this word.

She said: "I knew there would be pain involved and I knew I wasn't going to like it but I'd agreed to it and had to follow it through."

Mr Thomson said Lock felt bad about what he had done.

Giving evidence, Lock said: "It was supposed to be kinky fun, I didn't want her to cry."

She suffered bruising to the buttocks and neck.

After the lashings, the couple had sex then Lock left her chained to the floor while he went on his computer, the court heard.

 

"Fifty Shades Of Grey is not a manual: it's a work of fiction and this is a case which demonstrates that things can go wrong."

Prosecutor Duncan O'Donnell told jurors: "It was part of a master-slave fantasy and she went there expecting a fantasy when Mr Lock wanted reality.

"She may have expected some playful spanking, to be hit lightly perhaps, but she received a lashing with a rope."

 

    ________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Ooops.  Im really not sure what i think about this, part of me thinks "silly naive woman" but i also appreciate that sometimes we all make rash errors of judgement in the heat of the moment, i have acted on my naivety before and reality doesnt always live up to the fantasy but in this case it just went horribly wrong,

 

 

Jelly

Yes jelly, as in wobble like a jelly on a plate.

Jelly comes in all sorts of flavours and colours.  But what i like most about jelly is all the different moulds that you can get, you can have jelly numbers, letters, shapes, you can even have different layers of colours and put fruit in the middle if you wanted. 

I like strawberry jelly with strawberries set in the middle of it, sometimes with a nice dollop of ice cream on the side, but other times i just like jelly in a bowl, nothing fancy.  But regardless of whether its put in a mould, what colour it is, shape, extras it is still jelly. 

Similar somewhat to the relationship i have with the bossman, my submission is much like the 'jelly' and he chooses the 'jelly' and/or what he wants to do with it.

Submissive bloopers

I woke up this morning, should be at work but daughter is poorly so i thought ok i will catch up on some blogs and oh i so wanted to post on one but i have been banned from contributing further on this particular subject...and i swear i have holes in my tongue from my teeth biting through!

So i need something light hearted, fun to distract me and i thought....bloopers..yeah why not submissive bloopers, you know like you sometimes get at the end of films, moments that went wrong/funny/not the way it was intended.

Now i should say that he wont tolerate brattiness and i dont think (or maybe in the beginning it was i dunno no) i do, but along this journey there has been inevitable 'testing times' and for some of these i was held accountable....but still i look back, have laughed, cringed...omg did i really say/do that moments, these are just some of those moments over the years we have been together..

Slammed the shower door shut in his face (well he was coming towards me with needles, and i knew where they were going {down there}) so it was the obvious soloution..yes?

Just chilling on the sofa, i was sulking because he had said to no to something, under my breath i muttered "right twat" he looked up "pardon" and with such quick speed i came back with "white rats...." (i was quite proud of my quick thinking!)

Attempting to crawl away from him, ankles were hobbled and inflatable butt blug was inserted, tube trailing beween my legs like a tail, im not sure where i thought i was going and what i was acheiving but i didnt get very far..he just sat back and laughed!

A stand off that could rival the one at OK Corral, complete with foot stamping, declarations that no way in hell was i doing what he wanted, he could kiss my ass (yes i did say that..go me) umm nope he kissed my ass alright but not with his lips.

Hiding this particular whip i hate, because its just horrible so i figured the simple soloution was for it to go 'missing', he searched for it, up down and around, i sat back smirking to myself, quite smug, then he found it and the smug was wiped off my face....moral of this if your going to hide something...hide it well!

Sitting in the garden after a 'session' (i think this was one of the first times he started introducing me to 'heavier' s/m) relaxing and in a moment of temporary insanity i declared "well that wasnt as bad as i thought it would be" and continued muttering on about how ok it was, dont know why i was nervous etc etc....so he took me back in to 'demonstrate' how bad it could get.....i dont moan anymore that its not enough!..sometimes i just need to learn when to shut my mouth.

Hmm i think i will leave it there because frighteningly there are more.

But im not allowed to....and i know that

I used to think how i would get around situations that require me having to ask his permission first, i mean its not like you can say to your vanilla friends "sorry im not allowed" because well obvious reasons really, but the soloution was simple "can i get back to you on that, not sure what my/our plans are" i just tend to over worry about silly things...im just a worrier full stop.

Sometimes there are situations that i just know that i wouldnt be given permission for and i make my apologies if appropriate, sometimes situations crop up that i could go ahead and do and he would never know.

It could be something very simple, lets say masturbating as an example (but it could be anything), i am not allowed to do this under any circumstances without his permission, he has recently decided i am not allowed to ask if i can, he decides when and how.

But i could, i could go upstairs now have a nice play with myself, he would be none the wiser, and i would enjoy it, but then afterwards, after the come-down from the orgasm i would feel guilty and i would argue with myself in my head, think image of a devil and angel lol, its ok he wont know, whats the big deal, its my body! and then but im not allowed to, i have disobeyed him, its disrespectful to him and this argument would go back and forth in my head....he wont know/but it was wrong etc etc

Then later we might be talking or whatever but im not really *there* because this battle is still going on in my head, and im on edge, and now its worse because time is getting on, it might even carry on for a couple of days and all the time im feeling worse and worse, especially if he outright asks "Is there something you want to tell me" and then i know he knows i have done something im not allowed to do and i feel trapped....because i *know*.

I know this because i have done this, not for a long while though.

Eventually i spill all and its that proverbial weight being removed from my shoulders.

But its more than just feeling guilt about what i have done, its about trust, he trusts me to behave in a way he expects regardless of if he is around or not, its about respecting his authority over me. 

Not submissive......?

There is a post on a blog, i wont link to it.  It's ruffled a few feathers and i know im not the only one its had this effect on, it made me think however, and i do like that.  Its made me think about how we view our submission, or more to the point how our submission is defined.  Submission to a certain extent is personal, 'my' submission isnt necessarily going to be the same as 'your' submission but does it make any of us any less submissive than the other?

If i state that sometimes i need to be forced, to be pushed does this mean im not submissive? because surely if im submissive i shouldnt need to be, i should willingly and enthusiastically submit to his every command..shouldnt i?

Hmmm.

I aim and strive to be obedient and pleasing, but i know this is going to be completley out there and totally an unreasonable statement and i cant help it but im human...i know..i did say it was going to be totally out there! so because im human, i have emotions, i think, i feel and sometimes (shocker alert coming up) i struggle to submit and it brings about these conflicts because i want/need to please him and yet.....i get afraid and because im afraid i 'fight' against his dominance/control.

(i apologise for the touch of sarcasm above)

I trust him and within what has been agreed in our relationship i have consented for him to choose and decide if and when i need pushing or to be forced, because sometimes i need it, to get me where i need to be and im all the better for it.

Sometimes i like being 'forced', i like that he will make me submit, then i feel guilty because he would much rather i was obedient...but...as long as i dont refuse to obey just to be forced (that he wont tolerate) he rather quite likes it to.

Sometimes he will wait me out, he will play the waiting game, there doesnt need to be force, i will sooner or later 'come around' and i will willingly ask and submit to what previously i balked at, i may have just needed time to process and come to terms with it.

Its dependent on the situation, there are too many variables for me to say what method works best and when but yet the result is the same, sometimes submission isnt easy and when it isnt and its a  struggle and there needs to be a push or to play the waiting game..thats ok.

A bloggy award

Thanks to lil http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/ for nominating me this, the rules are as follows

Display the award logo on your blog
Link back to the person who nominated you
Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link back to them
Notify said nominated bloggers
List 7 things about yourself

whew ok 7 things about myself....i accept no responsibilty if these titbits have already been mentioned somewhere in my blog! lol

1.  I live by the sea, within 5 mins walk but i cant swim and im terrified of the sea..i will not go out of my depth thats if i go in it the first place.

2.  I can 'talk' away on here and sometimes my comments on others blogs can ramble on but face to face im shy and if we all ever managed to get together i would be the one in the corner, nervous about meeting and talking, its sometimes misinterpreted as being unfriendly but its not, im not a very confident person with people i just meet or/and dont know well.

3. Im a theme park junkie, most especially roller coasters, love them, but you wouldnt get me on a big wheel/ferris wheel for love nor money!

4.  I sometimes wander if there is something wrong with me because even in ttwd i cant say sex is that important to me, i enjoy it but i dont need it and could certainly manage long periods of time without it if it should happen.

5.  I believe in karma (cause and effect) and that you should treat people how you would want to be treated yourself, and i try to remind myself of this when someone upsets or has caused me harm and really im thinking "i want to rip your fucking head off" it doesnt always work...but i try!

6.  I have read one book on bdsm and D/s relationships and although it was interesting and informative i am a sceptic of these types of books because i dont like 'manuals' that imitate it should be a certain way ie...."A good dominant should be/do xyz" or "A good submissive should be/do xyz" ..... im more a "do it your way" train of thought, i figure we are people, individuals with emotions and different experiences not mass produced flat packed furniture!

7.  When i announce that im going to 'experiment' in the kitchen food wise, they all get out the take-away leaflets..its quite insulting really.

Now i hate this part because there are so many great blogs but at random here are my nominees

http://fondles.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/snippets-lunar-new-year-edition.html

http://cassaundrawithacollar.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/back-from-brink.html?zx=24b1b3bb97b3b52d

http://ownedlittleone.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/my-dark-sense-of-humor.html?zx=1d7761be3f547982

http://faerielernstofly.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/his-fault.html?zx=278d833fde37c49e

http://thesubmissivewife.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/follow-friday-01-25-13.html?zx=d10c997a2af3a0a2

http://subjoolz.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/random-thoughts-for-saturday-afternoon.html?zx=a593e1753e5a3232

http://aslavestale.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/rattle-of-chains.html?zx=13c62221320b5fe0

http://sirqandme.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/well-played.html?zx=d0143800751d9763

http://ourownds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/my-fascination-with-sadism-and-masochism.html?zx=bb5f7b3c6e22e45d

http://joeyred51-joeyandfriends.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/a-spanking-at-end-of-tunnel.html?zx=8a913cc8709f4126

http://mmd6448.blogspot.co.uk/?zx=2377f60354abe2fc

http://floridadomscorner.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/chirstmas-in-january.html




 

Expecting too much?

I have been pondering (never a good thing) if i expect too much from him, i mean like im submissive but do i always feel like submitting? heck no, and realistically im not always going to be actively submitting but i do get agitated if i dont feel im getting his active dominance, even though duh! he cant always be dominating me...make any sort of logical sense?

I expect him to know when i want something from him, i can ask, and im comfortable with that, but i expect him to know and to then give me what i want...yes i know not very submissive (but i am only human). 

The simple obvious soloution is to just outright state "Sir, i would like you to xyz please" the worst that can happen is i get a "no" and thats ok...ok well its not because then i have to accept that no...and a no is always a no..so no i prefer to ignore the simple soloution and make it more complicated by sitting there getting myself wound up because he isnt reading my mind...and men (not all men) really arent that great with picking up subtle hints.

Actually sometimes i think he does pick up the hints but he chooses to ignore them because he knows what im doing and he is waiting for me to ask..that or he just enjoys knowing im tormenting myself.

I think sometimes i expect his dominance to be in-tune with my submission and thats not always going to happen, but i wander if what im really expecting is him to exert his dominance when i want it and it comes full circle..that he cant or wont want to be dominating me all the time much like i dont always and cant be submitting.

If these rambles make any sense....you deserve a glass of wine...coz thats what im needing.

Vanilla interludes...asking for help isnt always easy

Bloody hell, i had a post nearly finished it (about 'the natural submissive'), internet went down and its gone! not in drafts folder, not published..i guess its out there somewhere.!

Its been a really busy past week, i made a decision before the new year that i needed to cut back on work commitments, i worked while my children were young and i dont regret that but im realising that its now my children are getting older than im missing out on a lot, they are 15 and 10 years, but mostly there missing out on me.

My son and i had a heated argument back in December, things were said in anger and i know he is a stroppy teen (15) but he said something that hurt me, i know it was said to hurt and it did, he shouted at me that...shame you dont care about us (meaning him and his sister) as much as you do about the kids you work with..something along those lines anyway.

Of course i care about the children i work with but my children come first, what i realised though they actually wasnt.  I have missed countless competions and musical talent shows that my daughter has been in (she does debating and plays 3 musical instruments), i missed 2 of my sons 6th form parent evenings, his presentation for making head boy as well as other activities they both do.

Its not so much the being at school that is the issue becaue they are at school themselves, its the mountain of paperwork and evening appointments, 3 days a week im in the school until 7pm, sometimes 8, so by the time i get home im tired, cranky and catching up on home stuff.  Then there are appointments with specialists, to discuss childs progress which often are out of school hours, helping parents with their statements, advice etc and again out of school hours, i love my job...and damn it i am good at it, but its getting too much.

So im in the process of cutting back, as it stood i was responsible for 17 statemented children, i am trying to get it down to 10, ideally 6, its not easy and i feel guilty that im passing the buck to someone else to take them on, but my children need to come first, i dont want to spend this year saying "im sorry but i cant make xyz" or "not now, im busy".

I confuse myself sometimes

Because i like it should be enough.

It should be enough.  Its not.  Its easier to say "i have no choice" or i reason that he is the boss and if he wants to do these 'nasty' things to me, im doing it to please him..these are valid reasons.

There are things i dont like and would rather not have to do, but yet if he were to say we will no longer do them..i would miss them....because

I like having to submit to things i dont like doing.

Or maybe im not being honest with myself and i do actually like it but because its so 'wrong' to like these things i have convinced myself that i dont, on discussing this with the bossman his stance is that he would not do anything that i genuinely detested and gained no pleasure from at all, and i do not agree...am i in denial?

See he likes hurting me, he especially likes it when im struggling and im not wanting it...so im not liking it, i truely dont at times...but his answer "so why are you dripping wet then"....well duh coz im a masochist, pain arouses me, i think im just not in control of my masochism...my pussy betrays me when every other part of my body is screaming no.

But its more humiliation and being treated in a degrading manner that i struggle with, somethings i dont mind admitting to, that i like them but then hmm i think its that im concious that some of these 'things' im embarrassed about because i like them...i dont know..so its easier to say he makes me and i have no choice.

Just here...surely not?

After reading Aisha's post http://beingaisha.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-does-it-work/  and also when i mentioned it to Cassandra she had not heard of it, it occurred to me that the term RACK is not widely recognised or acknowledged, its generally SSC that is considered the way to go..and i thought maybe its just here (here being the UK) because i dont recall RACK being used/mentioned on blogs that are written by those in the US or elsewhere but yet its a fairly common term here....or maybe im missing it!

SSC...Safe, Sane and Consenual

RACK..Risk Aware Consenual Kink

It is i guess just another label to add to the plethora of others, what differientiates the two? SSC is about being safe and sane, which is reasonable, more than reasonable but yet there are 'activities' within bdsm that one may not consider safe and sane, there is an element of risk, perhaps more accuratley there is a higher level of risk involved in some things than others.  By default some of these 'activities' because of the level of risk involved may not be considered sane.

Rack implies that the risk is acknowledged and both parties are aware of said risks, of course safety is paramount, but yet there is still risk, but nevertheless its an 'activity' that is engaged in.  Breath play perhaps being an ideal example.  I love breath play and it can take a few forms, my favourite is wearing the rubber hood which just has 2 thin nasal tubes for breathing, i like being tied down and having him clench the tubes and therefore cutting off my air supply.  There are other forms of this i/we enjoy.

Commonly known as erotic asphyxiation....this has risks, huge risks....so is it safe? is it sane?  well thats really down to the people that choose to engage in it. 

So yes we tend to follow the priniciples of Rack but as safe as is possible, but still i wander if its a term that is mostly known here.

A blog on blogging..why not eh?

Im not very good at giving advice, well dependent on what the advice is about, but blogging yeah here's a question i was asked "I would like to blog, but I'm not sure I will fit in, would anyone be interested in what I have to say?"

So as its a blogging question, it deserves a blogging post....so

I think whats most important is you write for you, think of each post entry as writing in your own personal diary, your thoughts etc,  a journal to reflect on, dont focus on the 'stats' pay them no attention, if you write for an 'audience' you will more than likely lose inspiration fast.

Where does anyone fit in? admittedly the blogs i follow are related to ttwd, but within this there are many different dynamics, some similar to my own and some not, and much is the same i imagine for those that may read mine, im sure i dont 'fit' in with everybody but that goes both ways, it doesnt faze me, i like reading variety within ttwd.

Would anyone be interested in what you have to say? this goes back to not paying any attention to stats etc, write for you, sometimes reading others blogs gives food for thought, different perspectives and opinions...you can never learn too much.

So go for it, let me know if you do.

The P word

Im a grown women, fast approaching 40 (too fast), im well educated (i know i come accross as scatty..that would be because i am), so why the hell would i 'consent' to having punishment in our relationship?

Because i have agreed to obey, to pursue a tpe dynamic, to be Owned completley and this comes with boundries, very well defined ones and rules, if i choose to disobey (and it is a choice, no matter what excuses i may come up with) i am in effect choosing to disregard his authority and therefore his control over me, its disrespectful.

For some reason, the idea of having punishment in a relationship seems to be misunderstood, which i find amusing....its acceptable to engage in s/m, to be humilitated etc but the 'P' word well not so much.  Dont get me wrong, like many aspects of ttwd there is no 'one size fits all' it will be beneficial to some and not to others, we dont do maintenence spankings etc but yet thats more 'acceptable' and understood.

Punishment is not 'playtime', it is by its very defintion a consequence of unwanted behaviour/actions, its certainly not something i would 'act up' for or to get pain, if i want pain i simply ask, but contrary to what is often assummed punishment does not necessarily have to be c/p.

Nor do i obey him through fear of punishment, i obey him because im submissive and i want/need to please him so when i dont, punishment perhaps is more about meeting my needs than it is about him getting a kick out of punishing me....he doesnt....he would much rather i was obedient. 

Its meeting my needs (as much as i dont like it) because when i displease him it creates this feeling almost like a punch to the stomach and i feel sick, im desperate to 'make things right', its my fault that i have created these feelings and yet i look to him to make them go away, i will ask/beg him, and so he will punish me, it absolves these feelings and gives closure...for him it defines the statement of ..actions have consequences.

I am not punished for mistakes nor are they given on a whim and i am not punished very often, they are not always 'extreme' quite often they really dont need to be, as much as is possible the punishment will fit the crime..but most of all when they are given no matter how it is determined it is done with an understanding of why.

Grow a Mr Grey...oh dear!

The house seems to have succumbed to colds and yet i have escaped it, so i left them all to it yesterday, after making sure they were all comfortable....i think they were relieved to see me go, perhaps i fuss too much!

So me and my mate headed into the town for a girly day of shopping and lunch, im not a big lover of shopping as a rule apart from at xmas but lingerie shopping is an exception, i am im afraid one of these women that like matching sets of bras and panties and if there is matching camisole and suspender belt well it would be criminal not to get them as well...wouldnt it?,,so yep i did.

Anyway we popped into a few shops and i came accross one of these, which i have not seen before..

along with some other 'Mr Grey' bits and bobs, and my friend informed me that Love Honey (a website) has also launched a range of '50 shades' bondage gear...paddles, the infamous balls etc

Well we had a laugh about that, she has read all the 3 books and as she knows somewhat about the relationship i have with the Bossman and what we engage in she considers that she is more understanding and knowledgeable about it....hmm i did have a laugh to myself about that....

You want to control what!!!!

Being controlled/dominated takes many forms, whether it be strictly bedroom only, or everywhere, down to what you wear, what you eat, what you buy, where you go, who you see, it may be bits of both, whatever is agreed upon as the relationship progresses....it really could be limitless.

Consensual slavery doesnt sit too well with some people, to be fair i think this is because its not understood, we all have our own ideas of what it means, for me a part of it means "whatever is agreed upon" does not apply here, there is no negotiations on what i will or wont submit to, what i will let him control and what i wont.

A "im going out with friends next weekend" could well become a  "may i go out with friends next weekend?", seeing a dress in a shop window and going in and buying it without thought could become something that one no longer does without permission, it could be any number of little things that are usually taken for granted.

It might mean not being able to sit on furniture without permission, not being able to just have that glass of wine you really feel like after a shitty day at work (that one should really be a hard limit!), not wearing a type or a style of clothing that you like, it may mean some or all or none of these things.

These 'things' are not essential to consensual slavery, they may apply to some and not to others, they are not what i would consider exciting or 'hot' compared to say being controlled in a sexual manner or sessions of s/m, tpe (total power exchange) however is not just sex and s/m, but nevertheless these 'things' can be a turn-on, simply because its the knowledge that one is not in control of these basic 'things'.  Knowing that im under his authority and he is in control not just turns me on but gives me peace of mind, security and structure....i know what im allowed/whats acceptable behaviour and what im not and what isnt.

After a while it all becomes the norm, what others might see as ott, i just accept as this is the way it is and shrug it off, sometimes not, sometimes something might crop up that i think is unfair, unreasonable and i try to make a stand, get argumentative and stroppy (yeah well im not going to be writing a book on 'how to be a good submissive' anytime soon)....and

and he doesnt budge, not an inch, not once his mind has been made up, my 'stand' gets me nowhere, and im left frustrated, probably pissed off and you might get the odd rant about it on here when these moments occur but and this is the biggest but...

I want this control, i thrive on it and im happy because i have it.

Just tired of it

The written word can be open to interpretation,  blogging especially.  I know when i write here or comment on someone elses post my intention is not to offend, sometimes inadvertantly i do, this might be because what i have said has been interpreted not the way it was intended or perhaps my sense of humour isnt understood....there has been a few occassions when this has happened and i have by default offended someone.

Im a nice person ( i am really!), im generally bubbly and happy-go-lucky, i know my faults, im stubborn, terribly sarcastic and not the most forgiving of people if crossed, but fiercely protective of those i care about...i get on well with most people.

Honestly i feel like i have been here before, i swear i have! 

I know this lifestyle, or more specifically the relationship i have with my Bossman isnt for everyone, sometimes it feels lonely because im not sure that many 'get' the sort of dynamic we have, the Bossman has his fair share of critics as well, he has been called abusive and accused of being a predator....obviously im the 'victim'...being as i have been brainwashed though i dont see that!

I cant even bring myself to go into detail of whats brought all this about, but im tired of it, i shouldnt need to defend myself, the Bossman, or our relationship, i wont it would be pointless..people will make up their own minds, i respect that. 

We are who we are, and it is what it is.

X marks the spot (huge hint!)

I love to 'wear' the bruises, cuts or welts that the bossman gives me, its not uncommon for me to go rushing to the nearest mirror after a session to see what state im in, and to give a mock comment of "oh my god, look what you have done to my ass/tits" im not horrified at all, we both know it.

The cane gives the best marks in my mind, such beautiful distinctive stripes, the raised welts and sometimes blood depending on the severity of the caning and if thats his goal, i love how when i sit afterwards the pain re-ignites, the wincing, the discomfort turns me on maybe just as much as the caning itself.

I love if he decides to use my ass immediatley following the caning, restrained to the bench, my preference is very little lube ideally none at all, i like it to hurt, to be uncomfortable, so there is the combination of anal pain/pleasure as well as his body pushing against my tender, sore skin....its a good job he pretty much allows me to cum when i like during s/m because i dont think i could stop myself...unless he chooses to stop me.

He likes to pinch or give my ass a single hard slap on occassions afterwards, knowing it will illicit a wimper, works great as a warning/reminder if im 'pushing' him a bit too far, because although i enjoy the sensation the subtle unspoken threat of "I can add more" is what i wouldnt want...i know my limitations!

I have no marks at the moment, nothing, not a bruise, and im reading some blogs that are mentioning the cane and im getting that yearning, so yes this is a huge hint (i may well regret) but isnt it about time you beat the crap out of me?, i want to be pushed hard again (well it has been a while since we pushed limits), i want to be in tears begging you to stop but i dont want you to (well i will when it happens, of course)...not that you would anyway.

Fluffy and proud

I had not heard of the term 'fluffy' women before, until i read http://cassaundrawithacollar.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/crazy-new-ideaand-question.html?zx=ff9dede980d5261d latest post, and im a 'fluffy' woman and happy with my body.

This time of year, the time of those resolutions which i refuse to do (coz i never end up keeping them) a popular one is to lose weight, sure i could probably lose weight if i really needed/wanted to, im a uk size 14/16..14 bottoms, 16 top half..coz well i have big boobies!  Im reasonably fit, i eat healthy but i dont deprive myself of choccie goodness either....i will never be skinny, im shapely, curvy..whatever you want to call it.

The bossman is happy with my body, im happy with it, i feel sexy, the bossman makes me feel sexy, perhaps its because im getting older im more confident with how i look and i dont stress as much as i used to about how people percieve me, do they think im fat? is my ass looking too big? etc, when i was younger, at school and later college i was so insecure, i had the long natural golden blonde hair and big tits, and perhaps i was being over sensitive but i was seen as the 'bimbo'..called it by friends as well, to be fair i dont think they realised how it affected me...i was not a very confident person.

I dont obsess with weight, i have a 10 yr old daughter as well as working with girls of all ages, i see how weight issues affect them, there is this ideal perpetuated by the celebrity culture that society seems obsessed with and the media that to be popular, successful, you have to be skinny and beautiful , i dont want my daughter obsessing about her weight, but its difficult to avoid it, its scary how many young girls (pre-teens) think they are fat and go on diets!

I can stand naked in front of the bedroom mirror and be happy with what im looking at, (oh gosh does this mean im getting old and contented) sure i have my moan and grumbles at times...who doesnt?

So if your on the larger side be fluffy and be proud of it! but regardless of body size most of all if your happy with yourself  thats all that matters.