Thursday, 24 May 2012

just more ramblings that dont make sense

So im still juggling with these ramblings in my head and i tend to go off the path that i started on, but im still trying to make some sense of understanding why we form these judgements as adults.  After reading through my previous post and my feelings towards sex and how my attitude with sex probably has been influenced by my upbringing but not exclusively im still no further ahead but nevertheless it got those thoughts out my head and written down.

When i blog i sometimes write like im talking to someone similar i guess to a child having an imaginary friend its the easiest way i find to write whats on my mind but i have noticed that when i do this and i get carried away i let out more than i had intended....not sure how i feel about that!  im not one for letting people in but another realisation im getting better and finding it easier....its been pointed out that i use humour a lot to mask what im really thinking/feeling and yes i do.

I spoke to the friend yesterday it was awkward, she felt awful and well i have calmed down, its a start but you know when the cats out the bag its not going back in....just have to deal with it as best as can..its changed things..for me more than her i suspect because that one comment made changes how i think she would percieve me, judge me if she knew.

But the bigger picture is i cant blame her for her reaction, im pretty sure many, many people would react in the same way to me if they knew all, i know there is nothing wrong with who i am and what i may be advancing and improving fast all the time, people not so much we are improving but at a slow pace.

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