Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Emotional deatchment within sadism

Still feeling shit, all bunged up and breathing like Darth Vadar, and to top it all off my daughter had a minor accident on a climbing frame which was a rush to casualty job, thankfully no broken bones but very sore and in pain so we are both home and spent yesterday curled up on the sofa watching childrens tv.....im loving Spongebob.

When i was ready to seek out a new relationship after my first D/s experience ended i had a pretty good idea of what i wanted and experience was a must have for the reason being that as i was relatively inexperienced i wanted someone that wasnt, what i wanted was someone that was confident and competent in their abilities not just regarding s/m but with D/s relationships.....i wanted someone i could learn from....and on a personal level i do prefer the older man so yes i guess you could say i was very specific in what i wanted....gosh and i call him anal!

Master on the otherhand, his preference was for the older women (older than what i was at the time), with experience both with s/m and the workings of an M/s dynamic, he was not seeking a relationship with emotional ties...he wasnt seeking a relationship full stop other than strictly Master/slave dynamic....he likes/demands obedience..and he got me hahaha..

In the beginning he was emotionaly detached and distant, i half expected that as he made it clear he was not looking for a relationship and i was ok with that initially, he was providing me with the experiences i fantasised and craved about.  As time went on it changed, i cant pinpoint when or how it changed but it did and well here we are still going and i dont think either of us expected that which i know seems such a pessimistic thing to say.

I think i have a better understanding now of his emotional detachment most especially in regards to s/m, he still sometimes when we play hard becomes detached, like he cant allow emotions to get in the way of his intentions, i have noticed that when his intentions is to hurt me a lot, more than what im comfortable with he gets this way and afterwards he can be cold as well.

I have wandered if this is for him a way of dealing with his need to inflict pain, i actually have never outright asked him i should do really, i handle it better now than i used to, it used to cause me conflict that he could be so cold when i needed him the most after a hard session when i needed comfort.  He is great with dealing with the physical aspects of aftercare but not so much the emotional side not straightaway anyway.

Its usually much later that we talk about what happened, how i feel etc and i have become accustomed to that, i know perhaps to some it may appear cruel how he is at times but its the way he is, we both are not what i would call openly emotional people him definitly not.


  1. I don't look at it as cruel because that seems to be the way he is but have you talked to him after having a more emotional attachment during after care and finding out if that would work for him or not. You said you should probably ask him if being cold is the way he deals with inflicting pain. I feel having a sub take pain makes you closer, but that's just me. Anyway, it is always good to communicate so good luck in dealing with this. It does sound like you have a good connection and he is meeting your needs.


  2. hi FD

    we havent really discussed it as such not in a detailed way, it doesnt bother as much as it used not to the point where it causes problems, because i know that later i will get the comfort i seek.

    I have never thought on having a sub taking pain making both closer, thats something im going to dewll on, and yes he does meet my needs very much so and i think i meet his most of the time.

    tori x

  3. Hope you're feeling better...

    It's interesting, Daddy would mention lightly his own headspace he would get into...kinda like Domspace...think it takes them a while to come down from intense play or use too..


    1. hi ya mouse

      im feeling better than what i was thanks. I hadnt thought about domspace i think sometimes the emphasis is mostly on the subs feelings, reactions etc that the dominants tend to get overlooked..maybe i do overlook that.

      tori x