Saturday, 23 May 2015
Smoke in the air
So, last Monday i had a sneaky cigarette whilst hanging up the clothes in the garden, i havent told him yet, i plan to before this gets published.
Im not allowed to smoke, he had made that very clear the last time i begged for one a while ago, which was during breakfast when i was going to punished afterwards, he wasnt amused that i had even asked!
Anyways, besides that im not allowed to, i know its not good for you, i know all of that, especially on top of all my other health issues, but i never smoked a lot anyway, no more than 10 a day, usually 3 or 4 and really only when i was worrying and stressing over something..yeah im making excuses.
But, there are still times when i crave one, and this was one of those times, i have put off telling him because i wasnt sorry i had one, whilst smoking i had that sense of "fuck you, im enjoying this smoke"....brought about by feeling pissed at him that he had earlier made me do something i didnt want to do.........yes, yes, thats called submitting..
I regret it now, of course i do, i could make excuses, but it comes down to the fact that i chose to have the smoke, i chose to keep it from him for days, so now i must face the consequences of those choices.
Was it worth it? umm probably not but damn i savoured every inch of that smoke