Dear Dim Dom

Sending messages of

"Yo, love your tits.   very hot experienced male dom here, 34 looking for serious playtime with no limits, possible relationship with a sexy slut, email me at xyz"

oh where to start..ok

first drop the "yo" first impressions do count..my first thought was "twat"..im guessing thats not a thought you want a potential playmate to have! 

very hot! are you? you might not be to me?  yes i like confident men..a huge turn on for me is a man especially a dominant man to know what he wants and knows how to get it....but im not interested in how you look, its what you think thats important....what im thinking is ....oh my its another "im gods gift to women"..i'll pass thanks

experienced? right, im guessing your experience is limited to collarme or kinky chatrooms where you will most certainly have met your soulmate because she would reply to your message with

"yo Master, sexy slut here looking to be dominated by a hot sexy man like you, im up for anything"

I love my tits as well, in fact im rather attached to them!

That is just so unfair.

Im ok with asking for what i would like for the most part, sometimes dependent on what i want i still feel embarrassed, maybe a little ashamed...i would much rather he read my mind and did what i wanted without me having to spell it out...usually he has a pretty good idea about what i want....unfortunatley being the mean man that he is..he gets a thrill out of making me spell it out..detailing specifically what i would like him to do to me...he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

I mumble, that i just want him to hurt me, he isnt satisfied with that..."I know, but how do you want me to hurt you?" mmmhmm so i try to reflect it back onto him with the standard..however pleases you? nope bastard aint having that either "What would please me is you telling me what you want, now"

the cane please?  and he wants to know where i want it, how many i want, how hard, i mumble replies until he is satisfied with the answers and im getting more exited, expectant, i just dont care how many, or where, i just want it now..please Sir?

"no"

goddamn bloody sadists.

The difference is....

This bloody post has been sat in drafts, edited and adapted so many times in the last week, so sod it, i cant edit anymore, its going out as is.

I had been having this debate with a friend about what makes M/s relationships (generally understood to be Master/slave) different to D/s relationships(Dominant/submissive)?

It was quite a heated debate, we are both very opinionated, i dont agree with the hierarchy theory..ie that M/s is superior to D/s and D/s is superior to Top/bottom..i think its just simply that we all have different needs.....i like, need and thrive on being controlled.

Its like my thoughts on this could well differ from someone elses thoughts on M/s.

I think M/s is focused on TPE, the dominant has control over every aspect of the submissives life that he chooses to, its total, nothing held back, the dominant possesses the submissive, like in history where Masters owned slaves, they were property.....whereas this is consensual slavery, it is chosen...the focus is perhaps on internal enslavement...ie its not about kinky sex or s/m (although yes these are usually present in some form).

Ok so the inevitable question that might be asked..how am i defining slave...and this is the best explanation which works for me..

This is from the definition of "slave" in the second edition of the Oxford English Dictionary: "One who is the property of, and entirely subject to another person, a servant completely divested of freedom and personal rights."

Adding again that this is based on consent.

So bearing in mind of how i have explained M/s, i would say that this applies to those that are 24/7, simply because of the intensity and TPE implying total....you cant in my mind have this total control over someone when its not day in..day out,...but its not about being 'superior' that i am totally sure of.

ps  yes we are still bickering (nicely) over this.

Downtime

Its been over a month, perhaps 2 months, since he introduced having the butt plug inserted every day for 15 mins, and for the most part i dont mind it at all, sure there are times when i think i could really do without this....but then thats when i need it most.  I did try to wangle my way out of it yesterday..citing that it is a public holiday..so do i get a day off as well? ...no i dont!

Like a lot of others, and contrary to myth being a slave doesnt mean i spend my time locked in a cage, and taken out for use only....(although this is a huge fantasy of mine lol), i work, have the children, housework..the normal everyday stuff that we do and it gets busy...stressful at times....and those times are when it has affected my behaviour in a negative way..i get stroppy, irritable..basically disagreeable.

But this ritual, which is done during the day..honestly sometimes trying to fit in the 15 mins takes some juggling! especially during the school holidays and there is lots going on..but i havent missed a day since i started...no thats a lie...i was unwell one day so was excused.

Anyway by having these 15 minutes of what can i call it umm 'downtime' im not sure thats apt! but taking time out of the everyday hustle bustle of work, family, home stuff etc and to be able to kneel and just spend this time thinking about me, submission, him, and us, is having a positive effect on my behaviour, my thoughts..and its noticible.

I realise i needed this time, its good for both of us, thats not to say its an instant cure for stroppy behaviour lol ...nor does it induce the perfect submissive (i wish!)..i still have my moments.....but its different, im different in a subtle way...difficult to explain.

Families little mysteries

Why is it when i choose to go and have a relaxing bubbly bath....and i have made it clear more than once that unless its really important i dont want to be disturbed...so when my son sits on the bed outside the bathroom and announces he wants to talk, i figure its important

clearly we have different ideas of what important means..."mum what do you think the chances are of me getting a PS4 for xmas are?"

really!!! its not even the end of August, and thats not important, my relaxing bath turns into a full on argument....the answer is  "not a bloody chance"

We have a visitor in our house called Notme, apparently many other families have the same visitor as well, he comes around quite a lot, Notme is responsible for a lot of issues here, he leaves dirty dishes on the sides, he leaves the back door open, he dumps laundry on the floor, he leaves empty containers in the fridge.....he is a unwelcome visitor.

Pens and pencils.....i really should invest in shares...because i seem to buy them constantly but when i want one...oh they are nowhere to be found..maybe its Notme.

Socks...what is about socks, that they start off as pairs and then they mysteriously go astray, and i waste (i hate to think how much time) emptying laundry baskets (last place i should look really, im sure everyone thinks there for decoration only), looking in drawers and i cant find a matching pair.

So sod it if you cant beat em, join em...im changing me name to..

Notme

The white flag

I surrender.

How has this happened. 

Im a stroppy, sulky bitch, i push you, i give it all the 'well im not happy about this and im going to make sure you are very aware of this in any way i can' dance, im not exactly an epitome of submissiveness.

You persevered, im not sure you can have much patience left!  you saw me for what i was before i even did, it was 'fun' in my mind at the beginning, it still is fun, but my idea of being a slave certainly didnt mesh with yours....that soon became apparent.

I have fought you, outright disobeyed you, i have desperately tried to cling onto every last bit of control of my being that i can, and slowly, patiently almost without me realising it....everything that i am is yours, how did that creep up on me!...you sneaky man.

In what i thought of as my weak moments, i confess to you that i will do whatever you ask of me, in your arrogance (yes i did say that!) you reply "I know".

Its not a weakness though, and why has it taken me so long to see that.

So yes, i give in, your right

the white flag was raised a long time ago, i just dont recall when.

going with the flow or not

Things are good, with us, so why is it when everything is fitting together well its when i have these feelings....oh shit you know i dont even know how to articulate what it is im feeling....its like im waiting for something to go wrong, im expecting it to, because (low self esteem alert) i dont feel worthy of all this, everything we have.

and i know thats sad, pathetic even, and i hate feeling like it, i dont like feeling so damn needy and dependent.

Its ok to feel lost, there is nothing wrong with you

A question from D on my post 'So the flip side'

"Tori, not even sure what blog to post on. Please don't be offended with me asking questions as you and your partner are way more advanced in this... Just trying to understand myself more and I really enjoy reading your blogs. Enough with the rambling, I am a loving wife and enjoy giving my husband's pleasure and also enjoy pain (90% in the bedroom). I am finding it hard to focus; maybe I'm just overthinking during. I'm not sure. Have you ever had to deal with this? (new into this). I mean I don't need to get off. Just knowing him being there for a couple of days thrills me but I'm just wondering If somethings wrong with me. If it's a waste of your time to respond I understand, I'm just so lost! Love your blog. Lots of love, D"

ok, please dont feel its a waste of my time and that i would be offended, you have given me something to post about lol

Ahhh the overthinking is common, honestly im terrible for it and i know there are others on my blogroll that have this affliction as well lol...im still pondering if this a submissive trait or is just women!

Im not sure what you mean about finding it hard to focus..do you mean in general? or during 'scenes'?

Its a lot to take on board when its all new, its all exciting because we are experiencing new things, perhaps things we have only ever fantasised about...it can be very overwhelming, scary and exciting all at the same time.

There is a term called 'sub frenzy' have you heard of it? its very common and normal, its basically (and this is my interpretation) where one is caught up so much in all these new and exciting experiences and we want it all now, its like all our senses are working overtime and there is a constant hunger for more....it makes it difficult to focus on any particular aspect.

There is nothing wrong with you.  Honestly post this question on any blog (look to the right on my blogroll, anyone of them) and im 99% confident they will say the same....there is nothing wrong with you.

But i do understand, i think, why you may have these thoughts, occassionaly i have moments of thinking im not 'normal' what we do, what i enjoy isnt 'normal' because some of it isnt understood, its not like you can talk to your mates about it for fear of what they will think.

I hope that helps in some way.

and he says im irrational! although it made me laugh

Edited to add...this is from the archives as i really need to clear out the draft folder!

So sometimes i do try to talk him around when i think he is being unreasonable, really you would think by now i would have learnt that he just doesnt back down, but well sometimes his reasonings are just plain bonkers!

maybe its what happens when you get old...you go all random!..see what i have to deal with!

me: i know i shouldnt have done it, but i promise i wont do it again, you really dont need to punish me

him: right.  so if a murderer says "hey i only killed once, but i promise i wont do it again" should he be let off?

me: (looking at him like he clearly has lost his marbles) you cant compare these situations...i havent killed anyone!)

him: the principle is the same

me: no, its really not

him: are you allowed to touch yourself without permission..yes or no?"

me: no

him: so its fair to say you disobeyed?

me: well yes, and im feeling really bad so thats like punishment itself isnt it, you could let it go just this once?

him: I see, so we should say to the murderer "hey thats ok, you feel bad, just this once we will let you get away with it"

me: can we move past the murderer, thats a pointless argument, it has nothing to do with it

him: im not sure the victim would agree

me: can we stay on track on here

him:  what do i expect from you?

me: to be pleasing and obedient

him: and touching yourself without permission, is that being pleasing and obedient?

me: no but..

him: no thats all i need to hear, so like the murderer its right and just that you should be held accountable..yes?

me: (sigh of resignation) yes Sir

Geez i stuck my fingers up my pussy not stuck a knife in someone!

tori 0 Blogger 6

ok that's it, you win

i don't want to argue with you anymore bloggy, if you say i don't follow anyone then i don't....well unless it suits you.

you wont even let me manage my own comments, apparently they all need to be moderated now, can you please bloggy not change my settings

and that email address that appears occassionally at the top of the blog....its not mine...and i have tried to sort this out but i give up....clearly i don't know my own email anymore.

need coffee, that's about all i do know.

Out there.....underground

Lil wrote a post that i left a comment on http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/a-question-of-wanting-abusive.html, and i wanted to write more but well it would be so long (its long enough already lol) i will leave my thoughts here.

There is a term used here in the UK i really dont know if its used elsewhere named Ultraviolence, when InformedConsent was around (the UK's largest bdsm site) Ultraviolence was one of the most popular groups on it, there was a club that hosted Ultraviolent evenings, it was often sold out.

It became a trend, its probably been around for years, but called something else..pretty much like bdsm years ago pre-internet when it was knowing the right person, or knowing where to look.

Ultraviolence generally caters to those that enjoy flesh on flesh, punches, kicks, being thrown around a room, fighting...basically activities that are mostly associated as being abusive, but as with any aspect of bdsm, what separates from anything being abusive is consent, and also that it is enjoyed and wanted.

http://www.informedconsent.org.uk/posts/?forum=Ultraviolence

The link above contains much more about it than i can, and also the archives of the site in general is great for information (not just ultraviolence).

So the flip side

I wandered after the last post if writing this could be construed as going against what i wrote only a few days ago, but i dont believe it does.  I know i have blogged about why we dont use safewords before, but a recent conversation with a submissive who asked why we dont when i have 'promoted' their importance (which is a fair question, i suppose others may be thinking it!) i thought i would address it again.

Its not a matter of just being about trust, i want to make that clear because to suggest it is, is like saying those that dont use safewords have more trust in their relationship than those that do....and thats simply not the case.

It is i believe about personal choice and circumstance.

A safeword isnt just about the physical activity ie s/m, it is applicable to any given situation, if something is wrong, sometimes its more an emotional distress.

I go into subspace quite easily, not always but more often than not when we 'scene' i go away with the fairies, subspace i imagine from reading others accounts varies in how we describe it, the sensations etc.

For me, i 'switch off' from my surroundings, the pain simply does not register, i am above it, its not just during s/m but also when its scenes that are intensely humiliating/degrading...i get 'lost' in myself..these are not 'bad' things, i love it, we both enjoy it but it does mean that im in no fit state to make a call on my own welfare.

When im 'flying' i believe i can take more, i will sometimes beg for more just to keep me in this wonderful place im in, this makes me incredibly vulnerable to him, he could easily take advantage of these moments.....now t1icklish made a comment on the last post...

"Maybe the dom had no interest in sticking a cobra up your ying yang originally, but at some point later he saw it online and just had to try it"

ok, so no offence to t1icklish but SSC and RACK come into play here, but more importantly a doms integrity, im sure there are many, many moments Master feels like strangling me when i have my 'moments' and there are times i feel like hitting him over the head with a rolling pin when he is sleeping....but hey common sense and SANITY stop this from happening.
....plus as much a dom may have urges to stick a cobra up his subs ying-yang...im pretty sure the idea of prison might turn him off that notion!

So yeah, at times im barely able to acknowledge Master, or speak (literally as i may be gagged/hooded), i simply am not able to assess my own limitations, it means more 'work' for him as he has to be very vigilant in assessing me and the situation closely....and he makes the call for me when enough is enough, and generally at these times its been before i think im ready...and afterwards when i 'come down' i realise that actually he was right.

If something is 'wrong' and i am level-headed, i tend to address the point directly as in "Master cuffs are too tight" etc, we have made it work for us and *touch wood* there hasnt been any situations where its gotten dangerously out of hand and he has 'missed' potential dangers.

No expiry date

Every so often something crops up, i read or hear something that just gives me bad vibes, the red flags are waving furiously and i move on, its difficult to comment positively on something that one so vehemently disagrees with, and rather than cause offence its best to say nothing at all...instead i come here to my own little corner.

There are not many things bdsm, tpe or lets just shove it all under the ttwd umbrella, wise that i feel so strongly are wrong...but one of these is the handling of safewords.

Just to get it out of the way, personally we dont use them, not now, we used to, and when we played with others we did, but this isnt about 'us' its about the general understanding/usage of safewords.

Whats got me so riled? this type of scenario

'the submissive is scared, its new what her dominant wants to do, its ok to be scared, he tells her that she has her safeword and she should use it if it all gets too much, however if she does not only does the scene stop but its over...him and her, any chance of a relationship is gone!'

thats not bloody dominating, its bullying.

and you know, this submissive she goes through with it because she doesnt want to lose him, even though its much more than she can handle and she enjoyed no part of it at all, she puts on the brave face but inside its tearing her apart, but like most submissive its that desire to please, i get that, its what drives me most of the time.....that needing to please.

and the taunting of..

'good submissives/slaves dont have safewords, they are only for the newbies'

what a crock of shit! if he doesnt inspire you to submit and has to resort to emotional blackmail to get what he wants, he aint worth your submission.

if a dominant utters that, my advice? walk away...you could have 6 months or 20 years experience and have a safeword, doesnt matter if others dont....they arent you!

There isnt a bloody expiry date on safewords, they are there for as long as they are wanted or needed, having them or indeed not having them doesnt make anyone less or more 'better', using them doesnt make one weak or not as 'good'....and no matter what...if that word is uttered....

it should damn well be respected.

The submissive shouldnt be made to feel guilty, or that she has let her dominant down..and yes personally when we had one, i had used it...and yeah i did feel 'bad' and i think thats kind of normal to have those feelings....but they were my feelings......

but the Dominant, he should be reassuring, supportive, if it is used.....its a time to talk, address whats happened, what could have been done differently etc

ok got that off my chest....rant over.

Holiday rambling

Oh the joys of school holidays, arguing with son over what time he thinks he should be allowed to stay out to, resulted in slamming of doors and of course the dramatic stomping up the stairs (and thats just me), my daughter broke someones window with a tennis ball and my dog decided to go wandering, couple hours later he is found fast asleep in a neighbouring barn....and thats just today!

The bossman is busy (sigh, nothing new there) i had an insecure moment and told him sometimes i worry that he is so busy at times, he might have considered releasing me...honestly i dont know where these thoughts spring up from...i think i just need reasurrance.....or maybe im more needy that i thought i was.

or maybe i just wanted some sentiments..no not maybe...thats what i wanted, and i should know better the bossman doesnt do sentimental, well very rarely...heck nor do i come to that but occassionally you know it would be nice.
...hmm ok tori practice what you preach! shouldnt expect it when i dont give it myself.....no actually

a few weeks ago i said to him "you know i love you, dont you Sir?" to which he replied

"I know"!!! ok maybe he knew i was creeping coz i wanted something.

but i got a "good girl" today...and as those words rarely leave his lips either...i shall make do with them.

A girl can dream cant she!

Fantasies are wonderful things, i feel lucky that most of my big ones have been turned into reality, but i still have many more, the bossman likes for me to tell him what i desire and i used to find this difficult at first, i worried about what he might think...but he has never batted an eyelid no matter what i come up with, but then as kinky and perverted as i think i am he thinks worse or he has already done it in the past.

But there are some things i fantasise about that will never happen, well they could but its very unlikely especially if they hold no appeal to him...

it would turn me on a lot to watch him dominate a Domme completely, the closest i have come to this is years ago when we were with a Domme and her male sub (also her husband) and at one point i was on my knees sucking Masters cock and suddenly i heard this voice say "is there room for for one more?" and i moved aside, watching as she got to her knees to suck his cock..and it did it for me...i guess it was the fact that she is this strong, assertive, dominant women and she didnt suck her husband cock!

i would love to watch him dominate a submissive male, he has done this many years ago, before i knew him, i love male on male 'action' it really does it for me.

Its odd because i have no problem with him dominating someone else in those scenarios, ie a Domme or a submissive male but a femsub hmm that i have a problem with! ...i think i could potentially switch if i didnt 'click' with a femsub..ie an excuse to rip her hair out! coz i could be a terittorial bitch when it comes to Master lol


I want to be do breath play to the point i pass out, i dont know why exactly, i love breath play, whether it be using the rubber hood or his hand choking me, he will take me to the point where im really panicking for breath, but no further..i understand why he wont but still its something i think about.

and the rest well the rest im musing on.

Morning lightbulbs..and not even a cup of coffee

As much as it has been a pleasure having my niece to stay, it was nice to see my brother arrive to take her home, it had been a busy week, a fun filled week but tiring.

Yesterday it was nice to just wake up and have nothing planned for the day, and as i sat in bed i started grinning to myself, thinking about the bossman, you know those secret sort of grins where if people looked at you they would think your bonkers? 

Things change, and although im not a fan of change, i dont tend to cope with it too well, sometimes its subtle and it takes a while for to get that realisation of "oh, i have just noticed" , i was thinking of in the morning when on waking sometimes he pushes my head down, he doesnt need to vocalise what he wants its pretty obvious, and i suck on his cock, or he will just use my body and take whatever hole he feels like.

Mostly at these times its just about getting him off, its all about his needs, if i enjoy it then thats a bonus and mostly i do, it gets me off and he rarely has left me unsatisfied myself, this particular morning, there was no orgasm for me, he took what he wanted and that was that.

and im ok with this, i had this realisation this morning that actually i havent orgasmed for over a month approximatley, and i havent complained, heck normally there would be a rant about the unfairness of this on here...but nope...i can honestly say im not fazed by this.

Denying me orgasms has in the past been used to discipline me, because of course i like cumming, i like masturbating and as great as using 'toys' are nothing compares to being brought to orgasm from sex, by his hand...but i havent and i dont know when i will again...and i dont care...at this moment that is.

Its simply not something i have a say in, and why it has taken me so long to have this realisation, i dont know but even though i know its his choice it has previously caused me angst when i have been denied, i have dwelled on it.

So to suddenly realise that it has been so long since i have cum and i havent complained about it or even brought it to his attention, or thought about it until now, makes me wander how this change has come about without me even realising it.

Im happy, as long as his needs are being met then im happy with that, my need is simply to serve his him.......and i have always been perfectly happy with that in regards to everything else but sex or more specifically me climaxing.....and now well i get it, i get what he means when this subject has come up,  im not feeling resentment that he has been getting pleasure and i havent...because i have been getting enjoyment from pleasing him.