Thursday 18 July 2013

You say potato, i say potahto

In replying to a comment which asked if i could have anal fisting as a hard limit, and surely i have a choice, i figured my reply would be so long i may as well make it a post.

A beautiful sunny day, the bossman may well ask "what would you like to do today?"

and most normally my response is "i dont mind, what would you like to do?"

its not because im so 'doormatish' that i cant or wont say where i would like to go....simply im laid back...or more accurately im incredibly indecisive..if we had to wait for me to make that decision we would end up going nowhere.

Im easy going, and generally just happy to go with the flow, sometimes he will push me into making a decision for myself, and honestly i know it sounds pathetic but i get my knickers in a twist..."why cant you just tell me what to do?" i will say.

Now i am more than capable of making decisions and i do regularly, with work, the children, whats for dinner, etc etc but in many areas i prefer having a structure that is solid, one in which the boundries are so firmly in place so i know where i stand rather than have uncertainty, i like the security of knowing that mostly he decides what is for the best.

Of course, anal fisting (and/or any aspect of s/m, our relationship) is more complicated than simply making a decision about where to go out to...but the principle is the same.

So, simply by removing 'choice' and 'limits' i dont have that uncertainty, or deliberations over 'do i want to or not' , it does not mean that no consideration is given to how i feel, he wants and encourages my thoughts....and although im incredibly indecisive and laid-back...it doesnt effect my ability to have an opinion..if anything im too opinionated!

But most important is that even though he 'owns' my choices and limits....well all of me, he doesnt want to damage me physically or mentally....and i know he would not do anything that would cause this and if he thought that there was this risk then it would stop....but yes he will 'nudge' and 'push' me along the way.

If i had choices and limits..and they were mine.....hmmm i would have missed out on the most wanderful experiences i have had that i would have not wanted to do....yeah sometimes its been the case that i havent liked it and i would rather not do them again..but you know what...

i wouldnt have it any other way.






29 comments:

  1. I can understand you wouldn't have it any other way. It is certainly working for you.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Tori.

    You are too - brave that is. You trust Him, and he rewards that trust, by showing you hos brave you are. Trusting at that level is brave as well..
    At least he talks to you about hvis plans - gives you an opportunity to get your head around it a bit. I'm pretty sure it Will be an experience..

    But seeing as you do like anal, i Think you'll be fine.. I've seen it done on film, and they make it look pretty easy.
    . I actually Think it's a bit romantic. He loves you so much, he wants to shove his fist into your ass. That's not something just anyone aspires one to do.
    -aim

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Inspire, not aspire.. I Think.

      Delete
    2. hi aim mia

      Yes trust plays a huge part, and well we have been together long enough to build on that and know each other well...he knows my triggers perhaps better than i do!

      i laughed out loud at your comment saying its romantic.."he loves you so much, he wants to shove his fist into your ass" ...that made my day lol

      thankyou

      x

      Delete
  3. Beautifully explained. I think sometimes people see the monetary turmoil in our thoughts and assume that we are abused or neglected in some way. Everyone may not understand the choices we make, but our lives leave us incredibly fulfilled and happy and I wouldn't want it any other way!

    hugs
    p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks

      It is i agree difficult to understand, but yet i can understand why it is difficult to understand..when sometimes i have a hard time job explaining and understanding myself lol

      x

      Delete
  4. It's by knowing that your Dominant will NOT damage you physically or mentally that giving over control and choice is possible and so pleasurable :) ava xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well said tori. I have had very hard scenes, but I know that my Domme will not damage me. She once warned me about another Domme. She said: "I do not want my toys broken." It was said in a loving way. I also need her to push me with "things" I do not expect. It is a big part of the thrill and excitement of TTWD.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thankyou joey

      thats it...he doesnt want to break me....its about exploring..yes sometimes pushing but in a safe environment

      the thrill of it all...yes!!!

      x

      Delete
  6. My guy has often been right where I would have fought him as well. Take blogging for instance. You are right - sometimes we have to be open to new things to experience more, and when it is someone you trust, well then that makes it all the better.

    Nicely put. (Are you sick of having to talk about this yet? I am not, but I can imagine you might be, since you didn't want to mention it to start with.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes i hate that he knows me better than i know myself but yet its also reassuring.

      Nope not sick of it...oddly enough enabling me to talk about it and think on it....is facing me to try to look at it in a positive light..also reminding myself that i know i will be ok...

      x

      Delete
  7. "Im easy going, and generally just happy to go with the flow, sometimes he will push me into making a decision for myself, and honestly i know it sounds pathetic but i get my knickers in a twist..."why cant you just tell me what to do?" i will say."

    I didn't know I had a double! If I had a dollar for every time i said that...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol we do have a fair few of these moments dont we? we should be millionaires lil!

      x

      Delete
  8. I'm the same way- easy going, most days. Indecisive, most days. Having opinions, but don't want my opinions to be the ones that count.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes i think im too laid back...but i cant change who i am.

      He does listen to my opinions, and hmm they do count but rather i think its more that his final decision outweighs mine...but i need to know that he is taking on board my thoughts etc

      x

      Delete
  9. I am the same way about limits. How do you know you won't like something (even though it sounds so ... icky) if you close your mind to it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes thats exactly it Kittie

      Doesnt mean that i have to try or do everything....but to try to be open to new experiences is better i think than closing the door on them totally....we just dont know how we are going to feel about something...weeks, months down the line.

      x

      Delete
  10. hi tori,

    "sometimes he will push me into making a decision for myself, and honestly i know it sounds pathetic but i get my knickers in a twist..."why cant you just tell me what to do?" i will say."

    I would swear that you are reading my mind with the things that you write :)

    hugs, saturn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol its comforting to know im not alone with all this, and its nice i think to get it out here that it is ok to feel this way.

      x

      Delete
  11. Here's what will probably happen (just to put your mind at ease):

    It's going to happen and you're going to love it. It's going to be the most amazing experience you've ever had. You're going to have the most incredible, life altering orgasm ever!!! But (there always a big butt!!) Hes not going to like it and will never want to do it again.

    So enjoy it while it lasts :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol well i think thats sort of put my mind at rest.....umm yeah!

      it could end up that i love it...and i want it more..but unlikely lol

      x

      Delete
  12. Well explained Tori! First...the anal. Sounds scary...but you know your Master and you know he won't harm you. I'm sure it will be an amazing experience and ... it's proving to be a phenomenal mind fuck in the process. Secondly, him taking control is so awesome. Like you said, it's not like you aren't capable of making any decisions...but being able to cede some of that control to Him...it's such a safe and secure place!

    hugs,
    fiona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks fiona

      We have had some amazing experiences, once that i havent been enthusiastic about when first brought up so im trying to keep an open mind about this one...lol

      it is very much a safe and secure place because really i dont need to dwell on what ifs...

      x

      Delete
  13. nicely explained Tori. Thank you. My relationship is not so much D/s but DD - I have not experienced D/s so i find it hard to get my brain around it. I hope I didnt cause any offence by asking about hard limits etc.
    Good luck one way or another you will find out if its something you and bossman like and want to do again.
    Hugs kiwi xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No offence caused at all, it prompted me to write this post because i think/hoped it could give clarity on how our relationship works...for us..

      I think there are subtle and also big differences between DD and D/s but then the great thing about ttwd is all the variety...with no judgement on differences etc.

      x

      Delete
  14. Tori,

    I am by far from being laid back, but I get what you say when you would rather not have the choice or to make the decision.

    My Sir asks my opinion a lot. I have a feeling it's because this D/s relationship journey is new for us so he is using my opinion to learn more about my likes, my trust, and my level of submission. Recently, I asked him why does my opinion matter as he is in charge. I really asked because I have to make so many decisions in my everyday life that I just want one aspect where I make no decisions. It's all made for me.

    I think it's great you have no hard limits with your Master. It shows not only the trust between you two, but the love and compassion as well. Kudos! I hope one day to reach that level with Sir.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi His slut

      I think its very important that opinions are heard, i need to know im valued, sure his trumps mine ultimately, but he will listen and take on board what im saying...and thats important.

      Communication is also very important and i think its great that he wants your input as it is the 2 of you in this relationship.

      Thanks, we have been together long enough that trust and knowing each other well makes it ....i want to say easier....but its not always easy...i just know its what works for us.

      x

      Delete