Thankfully it doesnt happen very often, and i cant pinpoint what triggers it, but i have moments of...and i hate to say it but its accurate..temper tantrums..i simply want my own way.
I had an indulgent childhood, i was spoiled, i think the fact that i was the only girl for a long time in a male dominated family contributed to it, i am a stereotypical daddys little princess, i do still call him daddy and he still indulges me.
However in my defence i wasnt a horrid spoilt brat if that makes sense, but i learnt from a young age (as children do) how to manipulate, to 'work' the grown ups to get what i wanted, and well i liked having my own way and more often than not i got it.
But of course one grows up, have children of my own and well mature, but on occassions i do get fixated on feeling like an injustice is being done because he wont let me have something, or do something i want to do..and that mentality of wanting my own way takes over.
I get a sense of entitlement, that he should give into me because....
: 95% of the time (nobodys perfect right?) im good, im obedient and generally do as im told without question
: i serve him in all that he has asked of me and will continue to ask of me, even when im uncomfortable with the idea or simply plain hate it
: he should be damn grateful, because he is strict, he is demanding, and his control over me is absolute...and dammit i love this about him i do..but yeah he should be lucky that i adapted to this very quickly!
When im in this 'mode' those are all i think about, im caught up in wanting what he has denied, and it could be something so trivial that on another occassion being denied the same thing wouldnt bother me at all....and it is rare that i will get this 'drama queenish' over being told "no".
And im thinking "how dare he, what about what i want for a change, its not like i ask for much!" ..i cant be reasoned with in these moments.
Its not a 'tit for tat' relationship as in.."ok i have sucked your cock on demand this week so i want xyz"
But then i calm, and im left feeling ashamed, guilty, sorry.
Because im not entitled to anything based on it being just because...im behaving as he expects and wants me to behave....and i have it good, i know i do, even with his strictness, life is good.