Ok so i know what im like, i dwell on things, and i know my friend certainly didnt intend for her comment (last post) to cause this much overthinking but its eating away at me.....and last night i went to bed thinking about it..hence why i blogged about it...and thats probably made it worse coz i was still obsessing about it...hence the rambling here...damn this blog has its uses..even if its not making sense..it helps to get it out..i think!
It tapped into my insecurities, and paranoia, had to talk it out, to straighten things in my head, to get reasurrance, to be rational.
So..... no one can predict the future, no one enters a relationship (i imagine) thinking the worst, you dont enter a relationship wandering if and when it will end.....because i imagine to do so would make one and/or both miserable.
You cant worry about 'what ifs', i trust the Bossman he has never given me any reason not to.
Im not 'knocking' my friend in any way, i get that she has been through a rough time and im sure it has left her mistrusting and perhaps a little bitter...but you cant tar every relationship with the same brush..gosh she would probably be horrified if she knew its caused me this much angst.
I'm going with the thought that he can do whoever he wants, so he wouldn't hide it.
ReplyDeleteThat's my story, and I'm stickin to it!
hi lil
DeleteThat was my original thought when she said it.....i think because of the nature of ours (and yours) relationship they could..dont mean they would..but if they did it would be in the open.
I really do over obsess about things sometimes.
x
It is an interesting thought tori ... Here over 1/3 of marriages lead to divorce, which is alarmingly high, but if you were to enter thinking we have a 66% of making this work you would be finished from the beginning.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, as you and lil have already said, we are lucky that if our partner wanted another woman he would share that thought openly with us.
ava x
Here in the Uk the divorce rate is high, i work in a school and in my daughters class specifically out of 23 children only 9 of them still have parents both still together!
DeleteYes i do think its easier when the relationship allows for openess..i guess it means there is no need for deceit.
x
I'm like this too. I get a thought and it keeps spinning out of control. So not that I'm one to talk... You've got to relax and have faith. Your relationship has a level of trust and a connection far beyond what most have. She's hurting. Try not to let her pain tarnish the joy the two of you have.
ReplyDeleteIts horrible isnt chickadee when you get so focused nothing else can be thought about...sometimes its worse than other times..really need to work on this lol
DeleteI know she is hurting and i hope never to have to know how she is hurting, but i have to believe in 'us' and not worry about something i cant predict.
x
For me - I am at an age when a lot of people around me seem to be getting divorced and hearing the "truth" and the horror stories come out sometimes makes me come home mad at men and therefore, mad at H.... he really isn't into that. (Surprisingly.)
ReplyDeleteI try to leave it at the door, but we are influenced by those around us.
Yep your right its best to just leave it be....but its so difficult at times...well for me it is..i get fixated, over analyse..etc etc
DeleteI try not to get influenced and mostly after a good reasoned talking too im ok.
x
Certainly in my case i find myself on the other side of the door. But years of conditioning have also ingrained in me a very hard fact- if he can cheat with u he can cheat on u. How do i know im safe? I dont. Thats why its called trust. I have been cheated on many times. Makes me wonder if thts why i'm quite nonplussed about being "the other woman".
ReplyDeleteBut bak to u- its gotta b nice at least to know that if the big guy in ur life wanted another partner you would know about it. That takes some serious honesty.
hi Fondles
DeleteI have been the other women as well, so i had a lot of conflicts going on with myself when all this happened with my friend as i saw the other side..it wasnt pretty.
But i also know that its not always black and white.
It is i think easier because the nature of my relationship is such that he would be open about it, how i would deal with it should that be the case is another matter entirely!
x
I have been cheated on and been the 'cheater'. I think that trust is one of those things that can be earned with difficulty and easily lost. I think you have to work on the premise that (as others have said), he will tell you if he wants to see someone else. I know I have only had one D/s relationship, but I think it has been more open and honest than my long marriage. xx
ReplyDeleteHi Joolz
DeleteYes i definitley think D/s relationship foster more trust and openess, and yes agree trust takes a long time to earn but can be lost in an instant.
I suppose im believing that you have to start with that trust.
x
I divorced my first wife when she strayed. It was awful. But, I pulled myself together and found someone I loved more. When my wife became seriously ill, I became a "single" dad and caregiver. She recovered after a long illness and we have had a happy life. Decades later, I look back and know the experiences made me stronger.
ReplyDeleteMany of my friends have had several marriages. Is this the new normal? I do not know.
I think we have to believe we can survive the changes that may occur in our lives.
Hug,
joey
hi Joey
DeleteYes i think we have to survive changes, to give in would be only letting ourselves down.
Im glad you were able to meet someone new and get that chance of happiness again, i think my friend will given time...its still too raw at the moment.
x
I agree with you, you cant go into a relationship wondering "what if". But I can so understand your friend and how she might struggle now with trust issues. Only time will solve that. And when she meets the right one, that person will understand her issues and be patient and strong and prove his trust to her.
ReplyDeleteAnd when one has gone through a divorce and a couple of failed relationships, its easy to be hard on yourself and question and doubt yourself and others. It might not be the right thing to do to "tar" every one with the same brush - but I think it can be a natural reaction. One Im guilty of at times with my Sir.
I do wish you friend all the best in teh future. I do feel for her but I am sur ein time and with the support of her friends, things will be better
Hugs kiwi xxx
hi kiwi
DeleteYes its been a real rough time for her and i do completely get that she is going to have trust issues, i would myself in her shoes.
But yes you are right...time is a wanderful healer.
x
I am with fondles on this one. I choose to trust. When I was younger .. I never trust anybody and it did me no good. I always ended up getting hurt but then again I never let anyone in either.
ReplyDeleteTo me in ttwd .. TRUST is the very foundation of it all. And because of TTWD I feel that the bond between D/s M/s is so strong & unique .. for both people (or everybody if its poly).
I have trust issues too. My ex used to lie about everything. When I was in the process of getting a divorce, I found out that he had been married before. I took a few years off from dating after that relationship. I was too bitter to date anyone so I needed some time to myself to get my head together.
ReplyDelete