Thursday 13 June 2013

No negotiation, obedience

So this butt plug being inserted daily has been going well, i have enjoyed it, and then he decided its time to progress to the inflatable.....now i do detest this one, its on my list of things i would quite happily get rid of and not miss at all.

Its ok when not pumped up at all, one pump is ok, 2 is managable but getting uncomfortable, 3 (which im up to now) is horrid, its hurting, and i pleaded for mercy, that it was too much, could i stay at 2 pumps for a little while longer? and it was a no, i accepted that initially....coz for the most part i do strive to do as im told.

Yesterday i just couldnt cope with the full 15 mins, it hurt and i took it out before even 10 mins had passed, i informed him of this and got told to put it back in for 10 mins, and i didnt. Of course he asked later if i had done as instructed and i said that i hadnt, i explained that it was hurting and i didnt like it,  and hmm i made the mistake of using negotiation tactics.

I told him how about 10 mins at 2 pumps then 5 mins at 3 pumps, thats fair?

I knew what was coming, i know his trains of thoughts about this "slaves do not negotiate, they obey" (of course this is his expectations, not suggesting this is how it should be!)

Now before its assumed what a mean heartless bastard he is (although i wouldnt argue with that assesment at the moment) he knows, and is correct in his observations, that no i dont like the inflatable, and although its hurting i can handle it, i just dont want to, and im attempting to get out of it simply because i dont like it.

If it was genuinely causing me pain in a way that is not 'good' then he would be the first one to suggest going no further, but this is not the case.

But he does not like his property telling him what to do (i guess the satnav is an exception), he does not like negotiation, if im given an instruction its to be obeyed, unless there is a valid reason why i cannot.

I know this, and sometimes i get my knickers in a twist because i try to find an 'out', sometimes he finds this amusing, as i sit there coming up with all these (in my mind) valid reasons of why perhaps i couldnt or shouldnt do as he has asked.....and he shoots everyone of them down....because what he demands and expects is my obedience.

and sometimes i want to cry that its not fair, and im reminded that this is just the way it is...

and i wouldnt change this, i really wouldnt...but its not always easy, he has my submission, i just need to work on surrendering.....its not 'giving in' as such but rather its acceptance that if i wouldnt change how things are, and im so happy in this relationship then i need to let go....because we both know that ultimatley i will obey...its just up to me whether i make it the easier way or the hard way.







12 comments:

  1. And this is why I have always loved to read here. Though you may struggle, your submission will always win out. The decision has been made to be obedient even in the hard things and the thought process is more about the acceptance of your premade decision than the struggle over the decision itself.

    I have no idea if that made any sense at all to you! lol!

    hugs
    bg

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    1. It does make sense lol

      Sometimes i think it shouldnt be a struggle but then i think no-one is perfect and life isnt always a breeze, there are ups and downs, human emotions etc...and he doesnt want a robot.

      x

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  2. tori,

    Well said.

    I am sure that "they" love our protests that it hurts and we hate it and we do not want it. "They" know we are at our limit and it arouses them.

    Yet, deep down, it is what we crave.

    Hug,
    joey

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    Replies
    1. Thanks joey

      Yep i definitely agree, deep down it is craved, sometimes i just dont realise that until afterwards lol

      x

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  3. Wow, I've never heard of an inflatable! I always learn something new from you (like I also just learned the Brit version of 'panties in a wad'). :)

    Lovely post.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. lol you dont want to go near the inflatable..seriously i would love to pin pricks in it!

      panties in a wad...now thats something new for me!

      x

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  4. Great post explaining how submission, obedience and acceptance go hand in hand. Don't want to think about inflatable butt plugs, definitely on my not to do list.
    hugs
    DF

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    Replies
    1. Thank DF

      Yes i think they do go hand in hand....maybe one is more tilted than the other at times lol

      i so wish they were on my not to do list alas the bastard wont let me add it lol

      x

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  5. Tori: I hear you!
    I get that protesting against something because you don't like it, not because its actually hurting.

    Is there a reason that you don't like the inflatable? When I'm faced with something I've been told to do but don't want to, I try to break it down in pieces (like: Why don't I like this? Usually when I break it down, I find its not so bad) and when that doesn't work, I focus on how much *he* likes it, how he's asked me to do it and how much I want to submit/please him and see if I can mentally move myself from not liking it, to liking it just a little bit, if only because he does. A lot of submission, imho, comes down to rounds of self-talk ;p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find it really uncomfortable, and i struggle with it.

      Yes i do like your reasonings and it is pleasing him that generally spurs me one but sometimes that little rebel in me rears its head.

      Self talking....gosh yes

      x

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