Once a year i meet up with a bunch of old friends and we have a long weekend together, shopping, eating, lots of laughs, this year it was meant to be July but was brought forward to June and the dates clashed with my mums birthday party, so i am not able to go...its this coming weekend.
Now im not going to either.
We met up on Saturday my mother and i, to attend one of her many functions (i swear there is nothing she is not involved with!) this occassion was a church garden party to raise money to modernise the heating inside the church.
So i arrive, she spots me, grabs me by the arm, ushers me to one side and exclaims "you cant wear that dress, you wore that to Gaby's (my niece) christening".....which was 6 years ago! who the bloody hell would remember that, heck i dont remember that...my mother thats who. Now she is in a flap, godforbid what if someone notices, what will they think...especially the vicar.....ooooh the shame! (yes im being sarcastic)
My son (whom i bribed into coming with me) is trailing behind, finding it funny, is wearing these bloody awful jeans which are half-way down his ass, what is it with that..i just want to yank them up..awful, a white t-shirt with ThugLife written in bold black letters on the front, trainers with the shoelaces hanging loose, and earphones stuck to his head....but thats acceptable!!!!
Me, im wearing a cream linen knee length dress, pale green sandals (oh yes with the matching bag) and im being told to go home and change, and normally you know i find myself doing as im told, i dont like the fuss, and boy does my mother take making a fuss to a whole other level.
But not this time, and i dont even have pmt to blame, i had had a shitty day on Friday and i guess this was the straw that broke the camels back...i said "no" walked past her and mingled, and she was livid, i stayed a couple of hours, aware of the constant glaring.
That evening she phoned, informing she expects a sincere apology for my disgraceful behaviour (defying my mother in her eyes is disgraceful behaviour) and i attempted to voice that i had done nothing wrong (ok i clearly committed a fashion crime!) but i was told i would be expected for lunch the next day where she would await my apology...to which i replied "you will be waiting a long time" put the phone down and burst into tears.
I feel ok about it now, i feel a sense of release, because i know my mother and she wont contact me, she could walk by me but wouldnt acknowledge me, (been there so many times before until i have relented, not this time) far too much pride,too stubborn, she has phoned both the children, i wouldnt intervene with that, whatever her relationship with me, as strained as it is, she is a good granny and loves the kids, and they her.
But im reminded of a saying
You can try your hardest,
you can do everything and say everything,
but sometimes people,
just arnt worth trying over anymore,
they arnt worth worrying about,
and its important to know when to let,
go of someone,
that only brings you down.
Im happy with that.