Yay back to work today and it was great to get back into the swing of things, to see the children who really touched me when they pulled out this huge card they had made for me to welcome me back, even if one of them wrote "I hate you for being poorly" i think thats his way to tell me he missed me, well i hope so! its been harder for him because im one on one with him and he is autistic so me being away he had to adapt to change which i know must have caused him distress....but it was a display of emotion and for him thats good...even if it was to say he hates me!
Im definitely ready to be back, i hadnt been adapting well to being diagnosed diabetic, it was and is getting my head around that im stuck with this, its not going to get better, i was falling back into old ways, my ocd with cleaning was getting back into old habits, but i was able to recognise this myself which is a good thing, and i knew i needed to get it sorted....i couldnt put my kids through again what i used to be like.
The bossman reminded me that im a strong intelligent woman and i can deal with this, and initially when he said this i didnt want to agree, i didnt feel strong, and to be honest with myself i didnt want to be, i went through a couple of days a few weeks ago where i rebelled against taking my injections and tablets...i know stupid!
I just had had enough, getting up in the morning, test blood, take tablet and inject, repeat at lunchtime, dinnertime and before bed.....i wanted it to go away...so yeah strong and intelligent? nope i sure as hell wasnt feeling that...and really doing something so stupid as stopping taking medication thats keeping me healthy (and alive) isnt the actions of a strong intelligent woman is it!
So yeah it was time to face up to the fact that i was slipping into depressive territory, i was putting on the 'outside' face for everyone but it was just a facade, and i felt pathetic, there are worse illnesses out there, im lucky mine is treatable as long as i do as im told.
And dammit im not going to let the bossman down or my children, , i can do this, so im back on track, im exercising (hate it), im cooking new healthier foods (kids hate this) and im going back to college in September......because i want the strong intelligent woman back that we know i am, ....i just feel like i seemed to have lost her somewhere along the way.
tori,
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong and intelligent person. You can control this condition.
Big, big hug,
Joey
Thanks joey, im getting more of a handle on it now, its just been a huge lifestyle adjustment and i dont like change lol
Deletexx
Well, knowing how my kids write sometimes, perhaps he meant "I hate you being poorly".
ReplyDeleteHugs! You can do it!
lol nope he meant it, but it was a huge adjustment for him as well and being autistic its harder to explain to him, he cant relate or rather display empathy.
Deletethanks, i will do it, i have to
x
You can do this. You can do this. You can do this!
ReplyDeleteAnd we are here to be supportive of YOU!!!
hugs,
fiona
thankyou fiona, i appreciate that, im sure i will have my lows but i have to think positive.
Deletex
It takes time to adjust to change whatever it is. And this is a major change. You are allowed a little speed wobble. Sounds like you are getting to grips with it :-) hang in there. It will get better
ReplyDeleteYes thats exactly it...its the change, huge change that i have found a struggle...but yep im getting there, thanks.
Deletex
I'm glad you're back at work, as it helps with the recovery and aren't special needs kids special! My mother has been a SN teacher for decades and even though she has retired three times, she still goes into school and helps out because the job is so rewarding.
ReplyDeleteGoing back to college is a great idea! You've such a talent in your writing and I'm sure it will help with your studies.
Diabetes sucks because it feels like a ball and chain to be tied to daily medication, diets etc. I'm sure a routine will come with it and then acceptance, I hope?
Hugs
DF
I absolutley love my job and gosh yes they are a delight to work with, rewarding most definitley.
DeleteIm getting my head around the diabetes more now, although im sure there will be a few blips, i know i have to do as im told...cant mess with my health!
x
It's cliche - but the strength is in getting back up - not in never falling. It is impressive, what you are doing.
ReplyDeletethanks greengirl
DeleteIt maybe a cliche but its spot on, i just needed to give myself a kick up the ass lol
x
So glad to hear you are back at work, being home for an illness is tough and it's easy to fall prey to the depression. You are strong and you can and will do this, it's just who you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks dancing,
Deletei knew i was getting close to being depressed (been there)so recognising that was what gave me the motivation to have to get myself sorted out.
x
Great to hear that you are back on track xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Joolz
Deleteits not been easy but i will get myself straight..i have to.
x