I have read a few posts recently regarding pushing limits, and i know i have blogged about this before.....heck im pretty sure im constantly coming around full circle with this blog.
I started off with the intention of more than likely going over whats already been said...and then....brainwave..i dug out old emails (which i had deleted) but had printed them out as i no longer use the original email address....and ta da i found them (although now i have boxes everywhere!)....now who says im not sentimental lol It brought back wanderful memories re-reading them.
I entered this relationship and this lifestyle with a little, well a few months experience and a large amount of naivety, Master is the opposite, with over 30 years experience and plenty of confidence and he knew/knows what he wants and expects...me i wasnt so sure, i had a limit list , i knew what i didnt want to try but yet also didnt know what i did want.
Anyways ooh cringing but (and i have had to write this as i have got it to scan but i cant get it to go here..ok yes im crap with computers) here is an old email..crikey dated March 15th 2007.
______________________________________________________________________
Sir,
I have thought over what you said, and i dont know for sure, somethings i had to look on the internet about? can we talk about those? so i have gone with what doesnt interest me at all:
Needles........really scared of this...hard limit
Weights.....dont interest me
Being hit on or around face.....just wrong
Enemas....yuck
Toilet control in general and anything to do with that...yuck
Whips....so many im not sure but im thinking not!
Foot worship....yuck
Clamps down there.....no way
Electrical play....nope
Breath play...too dangerous
Being cut.....same as needles
___________________________________________________________
Now, i have experienced everything that is on that list and more, and what makes me chuckle is that the 2 things i really was adamant about not doing especially needles i now absolutley love, they are one of my favourite activities.
So i think sometimes letting things flow is the way to go, some times a push is needed, but mostly im more and more sure that placing limits on oneself is just limiting yourself to the possibilities out there, the potential of new experiences.
No im not saying hard limits shouldnt be respected, but had i stuck to my guns...well....lets just say im so glad he pushed, inspired and encouraged (and the odd moments of being forced) me to look beyond my fears and embrace new experiences and i hope he continues to do so.
Or he took advantage of someone younger and less experienced than himself.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous I think you and I read two completely different posts. This doesn't sound like a person who was taken advantage of, but a person who was to use tori's own words "inspired and encouraged" to embrace new experiences. It may not be your cup of tea, but I say don't knock it till you try it.
DeleteI agree with Mrs. D
DeleteTo my knowledge and experience when someone (the man in this case) is taking advantage of someone else (tori, in this case) the relationship doesn't last all these years!
DeleteBtw, I agree with Mrs. D, too. :)
I agree with Mrs D, Renee and Sarah. Looking back at the years of posts by tori, one sees the growth in her as her relationship has deepened with the Bossman.
Deleteaww thanks you guys
Delete@ anon you really should be careful about making judgements about people when you clearly have no understanding of situations
tori,
ReplyDeleteYou are so right. I have done things that I thought I would never, ever do. And, I now crave some that I thought were on my never list.
Was it worth it. Yes. Pushing the limits aroused and excited me.
I am glad that I had play partners who pushed my limits.
Hug,
joey
It is i think interesting or perhaps more of a revelation too enter into territory we didnt think we would.
Deletex
I agree with joeyred! I'm so glad he pushed me into doing some things I was scared to try.
ReplyDeleteyep sometimes a push is what is needed to progress.
Deletex
It's so beautiful what the right Master/Dom/Daddy can bring out in his or her partner. So many of my limits have been completely dismantled, it's hard to believe how they ever existed xx
ReplyDeleteYes i agree, i think its all down to how its handled..along with trust etc.
Deletex
It's amazing how our limits change. Your limit list are all still hard limits for me, but I've already embraced things from my list...
ReplyDeleteIt is yes.
DeleteOh its taken a few years to get where i am now, there is still so much more i want to experience...
I think its a woman thing with lists lol
x
Ok....little miss experience talking here (said with MUCH sarcasm)
ReplyDeleteI think it's good to have limits. Without them you wouldn't be able to see how far you've come. I think as relationships grow and mature, so do people's tasted. My 10 yr old swears she won't ever have a baby because she doesn't ever want to have sex. How long do you think it will be before she changes her mind? She's going to grow up and mature and she won't think of sex like she does now.
I remember when I was young I didn't like onions. I kinds like onions now. But I wouldn't if I'd never tried them. People change. Their opinions, wants, likes, needs change over time. If limits were never pushed, never tried, then no on would change their opinion about anything.
Like Ava Grace said, the right person, and I'll add, the right time and a whole lot of trust.
:)
Sorry, I didn't proof read and it's kinda choppy and all over the place. I hope you sort of understand what I mean. :)
DeleteOh i think limits have their uses without a doubt, it gives a good starting point i think, something to work with..if that makes sense.
DeleteYes you make some good points, we change, grow and as we do we perhaps percieve things differently than we used to.
For us in our relationship i handed my limits over to him, because i think if i hadnt i would have held onto them for dear life lol.....so for me it was beneficial to get into a mindset of not having them...ok now i think im gabbling on
x
Reading your list there are a lot of yuks. Which makes me wonder if hard limits are either things which are yuks and mean, I've not done this, have no knowledge and naturally disinclined to try. As a opposed to things which are phobic and create terror (more than the fear of the unknown). The former I can see as breakable, with the right partner and trust - the latter, well to break them risks damage?
ReplyDeleteAnd to anon - rather missed the fact there was a discussion about limits, that in itself is what helps overcome them, ignorance is no way to build a relationship. I'd rather have an experienced Dom guiding me too!
hugs
DF
I would be inclined to agree that a lot of hard limits are borne from the yuck factor and purely because its the unknown.
DeleteBut yes the right partner, trust etc then sometimes as we naturally progress these things dont seem as scary anymore.
x
We came at all of this so backwards, there has never been a discussion of limits - except his one explicit hard limit. In order to push me - he has to push himself first. It is odd, and i have sometimes wished he had all that experience first, but that isn't what is.
ReplyDeleteIts funny because sometimes i have wandered how different it would be to come into this in an already established relationship and therefore going along the journey together...but as you said..this is the way it is.
Deletex
Oh Tori isn't it amazing to look at from whence you've come? I understand coming to a relationship in a more naive place. I though so many things about "proper" and "pleasure" and "wright and wrong" and "Yuck"....that - well - now....NOT.
ReplyDeletehugs,
fiona
oh Fiona
DeleteI ended up with boxes all over the place, but it was so lovely to read through old correspondence..brought back wanderful memories..i think thats a good thing about blogging as well.
yeah yuck and no way featured a lot in the beginning lol
x
Yes, Yes, Yes, I couldn't agree more with you and the others tori. When its the "right" person then really the limits or boundaries can be pushed or even eliminated because of the trust involved.
ReplyDeleteBravo for writing this, reflecting and sharing!
~faithful
That is so amazing to me that you had this "no go" list and now some of those are the very things that bring you the most pleasure. It is my opinion that it is not only his right, but also his responsibility to push me. I have always tended to be a little more reserved about trying new things (I eat the same thing at the restaurant every time! lol) Agreed that boundaries should be respected, but for us a little pushing is always nice too!
ReplyDeleteHow fun to sift through all of those old emails.
hugs
bg