So this butt plug being inserted daily has been going well, i have enjoyed it, and then he decided its time to progress to the inflatable.....now i do detest this one, its on my list of things i would quite happily get rid of and not miss at all.
Its ok when not pumped up at all, one pump is ok, 2 is managable but getting uncomfortable, 3 (which im up to now) is horrid, its hurting, and i pleaded for mercy, that it was too much, could i stay at 2 pumps for a little while longer? and it was a no, i accepted that initially....coz for the most part i do strive to do as im told.
Yesterday i just couldnt cope with the full 15 mins, it hurt and i took it out before even 10 mins had passed, i informed him of this and got told to put it back in for 10 mins, and i didnt. Of course he asked later if i had done as instructed and i said that i hadnt, i explained that it was hurting and i didnt like it, and hmm i made the mistake of using negotiation tactics.
I told him how about 10 mins at 2 pumps then 5 mins at 3 pumps, thats fair?
I knew what was coming, i know his trains of thoughts about this "slaves do not negotiate, they obey" (of course this is his expectations, not suggesting this is how it should be!)
Now before its assumed what a mean heartless bastard he is (although i wouldnt argue with that assesment at the moment) he knows, and is correct in his observations, that no i dont like the inflatable, and although its hurting i can handle it, i just dont want to, and im attempting to get out of it simply because i dont like it.
If it was genuinely causing me pain in a way that is not 'good' then he would be the first one to suggest going no further, but this is not the case.
But he does not like his property telling him what to do (i guess the satnav is an exception), he does not like negotiation, if im given an instruction its to be obeyed, unless there is a valid reason why i cannot.
I know this, and sometimes i get my knickers in a twist because i try to find an 'out', sometimes he finds this amusing, as i sit there coming up with all these (in my mind) valid reasons of why perhaps i couldnt or shouldnt do as he has asked.....and he shoots everyone of them down....because what he demands and expects is my obedience.
and sometimes i want to cry that its not fair, and im reminded that this is just the way it is...
and i wouldnt change this, i really wouldnt...but its not always easy, he has my submission, i just need to work on surrendering.....its not 'giving in' as such but rather its acceptance that if i wouldnt change how things are, and im so happy in this relationship then i need to let go....because we both know that ultimatley i will obey...its just up to me whether i make it the easier way or the hard way.