Tuesday 11 June 2013

If they bring you down, let them go

Once a year i meet up with a bunch of old friends and we have a long weekend together, shopping, eating, lots of laughs, this year it was meant to be July but was brought forward to June and the dates clashed with my mums birthday party, so i am not able to go...its this coming weekend.

Now im not going to either.

We met up on Saturday my mother and i, to attend one of her many functions (i swear there is nothing she is not involved with!) this occassion was a church garden party to raise money to modernise the heating inside the church.

So i arrive, she spots me, grabs me by the arm, ushers me to one side and exclaims "you cant wear that dress, you wore that to Gaby's (my niece) christening".....which was 6 years ago! who the bloody hell would remember that, heck i dont remember that...my mother thats who.  Now she is in a flap, godforbid what if someone notices, what will they think...especially the vicar.....ooooh the shame! (yes im being sarcastic)

My son (whom i bribed into coming with me) is trailing behind, finding it funny, is wearing these bloody awful jeans which are half-way down his ass, what is it with that..i just want to yank them up..awful, a white t-shirt with ThugLife written in bold black letters on the front, trainers with the shoelaces hanging loose, and earphones stuck to his head....but thats acceptable!!!!

Me, im wearing a cream linen knee length dress, pale green sandals (oh yes with the matching bag) and im being told to go home and change, and normally you know i find myself doing as im told, i dont like the fuss, and boy does my mother take making a fuss to a whole other level.

But not this time, and i dont even have pmt to blame, i had had a shitty day on Friday and i guess this was the straw that broke the camels back...i said "no" walked past her and mingled, and she was livid, i stayed a couple of hours, aware of the constant glaring.

That evening she phoned, informing she expects a sincere apology for my disgraceful behaviour (defying my mother in her eyes is disgraceful behaviour) and i attempted to voice that i had done nothing wrong (ok i clearly committed a fashion crime!) but i was told i would be expected for lunch the next day where she would await my apology...to which i replied "you will be waiting a long time" put the phone down and burst into tears.

I feel ok about it now, i feel a sense of release, because i know my mother and she wont contact me, she could walk by me but wouldnt acknowledge me, (been there so many times before until i have relented, not this time) far too much pride,too stubborn, she has phoned both the children, i wouldnt intervene with that, whatever her relationship with me, as strained as it is, she is a good granny and loves the kids, and they her.

But im reminded of a saying

You can try your hardest,
you can do everything and say everything,
but sometimes people,
just arnt worth trying over anymore,
they arnt worth worrying about,
and its important to know when to let,
go of someone,
that only brings you down.

Im happy with that.









21 comments:

  1. tori,

    I feel your pain.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks joey

      Im feeling ok about it..at the moment.

      x

      Delete
  2. I'm sorry tori. Hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

    hugs
    bg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks bg, its been a long time coming, but i need to do whats right for peace of mind.

      x

      Delete
  3. I'm so sorry your mom is being such a pill. Do what's best for you and try not to feel guilty about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my mum and me have never had a great relationship and at the moment i dont feel any guilt, usually i do..but then its still very fresh.

      x

      Delete
  4. Oh wow Tori. You tried to do the right thing. Sometimes it really feels like no good seed goes unpunished. Ugh. I can completely empathize. I am sooo sorry.

    Hugs to you!!
    Fiona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Fiona

      Well they do say you cant choose your family, she is my mother but she isnt someone i would choose to be friends with and im trying to look at it like that.....we just cant get on...too different...too many times we have tried.

      x

      Delete
  5. Awwww ((Tori!)) So sorry!

    Mothers and how we feel about them, can be so complicated.
    Do what you feel you need to and try not to be bogged down by any guilt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks Bleuame

      I do think at the moment its for the best, im 37 and im fed up of feeling like im still a child and thats how she makes me feel..i will never be what my mum wants in a daughter...and actually im ok with that.

      x

      Delete
  6. I'm sorry you are having problems with your mom. I've been there.

    Your saying though is really hitting home at the moment, thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its not easy is it?

      yes that saying is so apt in so many ways, and applies to many relationships, whether it be partners, family or friends.

      x

      Delete
  7. Oh I feel your pain, so sorry! Mom used to get like that with me too. In time I realized it wasn't an apology for the incident she really wanted. She needed an apology for not allowing her to control me. It's tough. I've learned to take those lessons to heart as lessons not to repeat the same mistakes when I'm the old lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thats it chickadee...hit the nail on the head...my mum wants to control me, she always has, and i just cant do it anymore, its not worth how it makes me feel, i cant be what she wants, and i dont want to be.

      Too true, i hope and aim to learn from her mistakes, i want and have a better relationship with my daughter.

      x

      Delete
  8. mothers have a great knack of making us feel like this but one reaches a certain stage whereby we say am happy with how i handled this situation...just do what is best for you at this time.

    blossom x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi blossom

      Im happy with the way i handled it, i needed to just let go and i know it might have seemed petty but enough was enough.

      x

      Delete
  9. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I feel like the drama with my mother never ends. I don't see her or speak with her on the phone often although she only lives a few miles away from me. My peace of mind/ serenity is more important to me than the guilt trips she tries to give me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi saturn

      Yes you are absolutley right, and i cant believe its taken me this long to get to this point, my peace of mind, my happiness is more important..it hurts but its for the best.

      x

      Delete
  10. Tori,
    You're right we don't pick our family. I get on well with my mum. My dad.... in the end I simply told myself, after years of bitter arguments, that I love him but I don't like him. Then I moved on.
    In a TPE only one person can be in control, you know this, but your mother doesn't. She's going to learn the hard way I think.
    hugs
    DF

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sorry Tori, so many of us have been where you are now, its not fun. It's good you stuck up for yourself, now don't let it take up too much space in your mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks dancing

      I feel free to be honest, it just wasnt worth trying anymore, at the moment im still ok with it all, im happier, its a relief.

      x

      Delete