Monday, 29 October 2012

Rome wasnt built in a day

There have been some interesting thoughts going on around blogland this past week and i have been trying so hard not to get myself into that overthinking state of mind, plus i have been pre-occupied with work and thats been my primary focus....and well being honest im really finding it hard to focus on blogging, i feel like i have nothing left to say but yet plenty that im thinking about and im struggling to make coherrent posts....so many added to the 'vault' its getting quite full.

I have been thinking about overthinking which seems to be a common trait with submissives, and the struggles that come with relinquishing control and submitting, i can only speak for myself but i do believe its natural because its not the norm in todays society plus us humans are complex characters with a range of emotions.

Happygirl (a submissive friend) suggested that perhaps i should find it easier because the bossman and i started off as Dom/sub but i dont believe this to be true, or rather i dont think its a question of being easier or more difficult just different.  It was difficult in the beginning because i would wander if i was as 'good' as his previous subs, would i be enough for him and he was demanding and still is in his expectations of me although i have to say also patient when i still have moments of doubt.

His control was established from the very start albeit in stepping stones as the relationship progressed so did his level of control over me, there needs to be that build up of trust which takes time, i didnt fight against being controlled initially because thats my first 'love' its when it starts getting more intense or perhaps more acurratley when it creeps into territory which doesnt 'fit' with how i viewed being dominated.

So i would try to get him to dominate me how i wanted to be dominated still do try at times  so when he would knock that straight on the head the natural instinct was to fight against it which defeats the object of  wanting to be controlled, i would get defensive, stroppy and it brought about a discussion between us about the expectations each of us had.  He very bluntly made it clear that he was my Master, not my lover/partner, and although its a relationship its one where the foundations of it are TPE and i needed to think very carefully about what i wanted because he was aiming for enslavement.  That discussion was i think in the first year we were together.

That may sound harsh, i know i thought it was at the time but its what i needed to hear, he is my Owner, he loves me and i love him but my obedience, serving and pleasing him is priority..what do i get out of it?  contentment, im happy, safe and secure because his control provides me with what i need, i thrive on it.  Its not always easy, i thought it would be, he instructs and i obey, writing it is easy, in practice there are too many ranges of emotions and conflicts to take into account, but anything worth having and holding onto is worth putting the effort into and well as is said "Rome wasnt built in a day".

















10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks joey..hope your having a great holiday.

      x

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  2. I totally understand the feeling of not being able to focus or having nothing to say. For me, the benefits of blogging outweigh those feelings. And, like this post, I find that when I sit and write anyway, often some of my best things come out.

    If nothing else, it seems like you have clarified some things you NEED in this life, and that is no minor feat. :)

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    1. Yes its like there is plenty i want to say but im really finding it difficult to put it into words that make some sort of sense lol

      I think i needed to remind myself really of what my place is within our relationship.

      x

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  3. What I was getting at was I do think it's been easier for you because of his experience rather than both starting at the same point. That has to be an advantage.

    happygirl

    xoxoxoxo

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    1. Yes i know but i think the point i was trying to make is that there are still difficulties but just ones that are different.

      His experience is an advantage in some ways i concede to that point, but an advantage of starting at the same point is there is i wander that more element of working together, whereas with the bossman he already knew what expectations he wanted and i follow.

      Oh i dont know...dont give me more to think about lol

      x

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  4. I really like this post.
    I have been thinking about what happens in a D/s relationship over time. Of course, any relationship evolves (or should), but I think it's a bit more intense and drastic in a power exchange relationship.

    There's just no substitute for the changes and growth that happens over the course of years.

    I used to be so sure that it was easier for people who start off as Dom/sub. But I think that you are right--there's just different kinds of difficult.
    We all just learn and grow the best that we can.

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    1. I think like you said the relationship has to evolve it would just get stagnent else and thats when things potentially can go awry.

      I used to think it was easier as well starting off as Dom/sub but im realising that this is not the case, for example with your relationship there is an established history, trust, security which is a good basis to start ttwd, with me and bossman we had to establish that along with ttwd and it takes time.

      x

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  5. Thanks for the great post Tori. I agree it is difficult no matter how you start, we were both new to this type of dynamic and we still struggle tremendously but overall we are in a good place. I did not know how much control I would want and he did not know how much he wanted to take, eventually I realized we needed to work together on it instead of me getting bratty.

    On another note, I need harsh too. Who knew?

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    1. hi dancing and thanks.

      I think everyone struggles as some point or another, its not always easy and i think thats what alludes some, like any relationship it needs both to work at it.

      Harsh is good, i like harsh as long as im secure in how i feel.

      x

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