We talk, of course we do, about a lot of things, but i really dont do the whole 'opening up' thing, i have to be coaxed when it comes to feelings, thats not to say i have lots of 'issues' but those i do have keep me held back and its been an ongoing battle for years......i have this block in my wall that i wont budge and i dont want it to either because if it goes then it leaves me defenceless and i equate that with being weak..even though the reality is slavery isnt about weak if anything it makes one stronger..i just cant get there yet.
He knows what this block is, we both do, i place the responsibility at his feet that he has made me like i am, he has created this person that blogs here, its easier to deflect it onto him because then i dont feel i have to take responsibility for being who i am and doing the things i do...its easier to say "he makes me" or "i do it because it pleases him" he says im in denial...he is
Its said submission is a gift, (although personally i dont follow that train of thought) but sometimes it feels more like a curse.
tori,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your perspective.
Hug,
joey
Your very welcome
Deletex
Interesting that your blog gives you a chance to communicate with bossman. Sometimes it is easier to write than to talk about your feelings.
ReplyDeleteFD
Yes it is, i think its because i dont have to see his immediate reaction
Deletex
It is easier to say he makes me or it pleases him than to own up to desires, especially ones that may hurt at the time. I try to own up to them as much as I can, even when he orders me around in the short term and tells me what to do, overall, for the session, or for this life in general this is what I want, and need.
ReplyDeleteThats exactly it, sometimes i dont want to acknowledge what i want and need even though i know the reality is i do need and want this.
Deletex
I too have an easier time communicating in writing, that being the case I am not allowed to bring up important issues in that manner. We tought this would help but it turns out I just keep them inside which of course is detrimental to our dynamic. We are working on it.
ReplyDeleteI dont have any restrictions on what i write here other than as long as its respectful, i wouldnt think i would write anything here that he doesnt know about especially if it was something that would have a detrimental effect on our relationship.
DeleteBut yes got to keep working at it.
x
I think that is why a lot of us have journalling requirements. I don't think my communicating that way is always the right way, but at other times, I know it helps. :)
ReplyDeleteCommunication is so important yet not always easy, sometimes its easier to write it down here, sometimes i need a rant to his face (when im feeling brave lol, i dont alwasy get it right but i dont give up on trying.
Deletex
hm.. seems i'm odd in that i have no problems telling BIKSS what i'm feeling... altho the writing helps him see things in a different perspective sometimes. possibly cos i write differently from how i speak, and he listens differently from how he reads.
ReplyDeleteperhaps the difference is in the receptor and not only the one delivering the sentiments.
Yes i hadnt thought of it like that, thats given me pause for thought!
Deletex
Master and I seem to communicate much better via text than in person. When I try to tell him something when he's actually with me, he tends to talk over me. When I text him he seems to read it through and give it thought before responding.
DeleteI am beginning to see that Sir and I communicate via text better also. I have a big mouth and say most anything outloud. But Sir is more the type to be thinking all the time and not say very much until he thinks it is important.
ReplyDeletehi brattyredsub
DeleteSee i find text more difficult because it can be open to misinterpretation, but then i guess that also can apply to blogging as well.
x