Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Submissive guide bloghop challenge #13

So i dont usually partake in this because i tend to write whatever blurb is running through my head at the time but i figured why not...plus im in need of inspiration, its a subject i have blogged about before on a few occassions as my thoughts have changed over the years so if you get a sense of deja vu...you know why!

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/10/submissive-guide-blog-hop-challenge-13-using-safewords/

Anyway the topic:

Do you have a safeword? When was the last time you used it? Are you afraid to say your safeword for fear of appearing weak? What are your indicators that a scene has gone too far and you need to safeword?

No we dont use a safeword, we did in the beginning as we was learning about each other and/or more specifically i was discovering s/m and was completley unsure of my pain threshold, we have been together near on 6 years now.

I do not think having a safeword or using one makes anyone weak, and nor do i think not having one makes people 'better' or more experienced, or more trusting, its something that really is between the people involved, when i asked to give up my safeword it involved a lot of discussion between us.

We on occassion play to the harder end of the bdsm spectrum, which you would think is more important to have a safeword in place, however often i am in restrictive bondage and hooded with no means of verbalising a safeword, having something in my hand to drop would be pointless if i was suspended, i need to grip the bar in the cuffs plus i'd keep dropping it.

Also when im in subspace im beyond being able to judge how much i can handle taking, there have been occassions i havent wanted him to stop because i want more and he has had to because going further would cause damage in a way we both dont want.  Often im beyond being able to verbalise anything as im in my own little bubble.

These situations require my Master be extra vigilant, to pause and 'check-in' with me constantly, to ensure that i am safe, to monitor the whole 'scene', my responses etc, sometimes having a safeword can be relied on too much and it can happen that the dominant may not be as vigilant as he should be because he is reliant on the sub to utter a safeword if anything is wrong, more important than any safeword is the dominant being in control of the scene and the submissive, checking circulation, etc.

Of course a safeword isnt exclusive to s/m it may be any scene which the submissive could find emotionally overwhelming and too much.  I have wandered if i did have a safeword could i have potentially missed out on some great experiences because there have been situations whereby if i had one i would of used it.

This has been when i have been scared, its when its been something new and im unsure and i dont want to do it, i have needed that push, to be given no choice (i do get off on being pushed past my comfort zone) whether it be s/m or any other 'scene'. 

Ultimately though a safeword IMO is not a subsitute for trust, with or without a safeword you need to have trust in each other.





8 comments:

  1. Trust is very important. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Yes it is if not the most important.

      x

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  2. Thank you for this well thought out post. It is very illuminating to me to read about a dynamic such as yours without a safe word, especially considering that you play hard. Personally, I am just too scared of the pain and possibly some situations to be able to give up all authority like that, although it would be a very exciting dynamic. Maybe once my dominant wife and I have been doing this for longer, so far it has been about one year for us.

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    1. Thanks ted_subby and welcome

      I think it does take time, heck sometimes i still struggle, its dependent on so many factors on how i respond to pain but mostly where my head is at, if im not in the 'mood' i cant take much at all.

      x

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  3. Interesting view of your safe word that matches my own in many ways. I also cannot verbalize during play and could never hold onto a ball or something. I also enjoy being pushed.

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    1. Oh im glad im not alone lol, yes i enjoyed your post we do have very similar views.

      x

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  4. i we play quite hard too and i think like you not having a safe word in place is one of the many little things that helps me get into a deeper headspace when i'm playing with him, its his choice what happens and not mine :)

    thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

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    1. hi thisgirl

      I think thats one of the big issues for me is that i dont want choice.

      x

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