So i dont usually partake in this because i tend to write whatever blurb is running through my head at the time but i figured why not...plus im in need of inspiration, its a subject i have blogged about before on a few occassions as my thoughts have changed over the years so if you get a sense of deja vu...you know why!
Anyway the topic:
Do you have a safeword? When was the last time you used it? Are you afraid to say your safeword for fear of appearing weak? What are your indicators that a scene has gone too far and you need to safeword?
No we dont use a safeword, we did in the beginning as we was learning about each other and/or more specifically i was discovering s/m and was completley unsure of my pain threshold, we have been together near on 6 years now.
I do not think having a safeword or using one makes anyone weak, and nor do i think not having one makes people 'better' or more experienced, or more trusting, its something that really is between the people involved, when i asked to give up my safeword it involved a lot of discussion between us.
We on occassion play to the harder end of the bdsm spectrum, which you would think is more important to have a safeword in place, however often i am in restrictive bondage and hooded with no means of verbalising a safeword, having something in my hand to drop would be pointless if i was suspended, i need to grip the bar in the cuffs plus i'd keep dropping it.
Also when im in subspace im beyond being able to judge how much i can handle taking, there have been occassions i havent wanted him to stop because i want more and he has had to because going further would cause damage in a way we both dont want. Often im beyond being able to verbalise anything as im in my own little bubble.
These situations require my Master be extra vigilant, to pause and 'check-in' with me constantly, to ensure that i am safe, to monitor the whole 'scene', my responses etc, sometimes having a safeword can be relied on too much and it can happen that the dominant may not be as vigilant as he should be because he is reliant on the sub to utter a safeword if anything is wrong, more important than any safeword is the dominant being in control of the scene and the submissive, checking circulation, etc.
Of course a safeword isnt exclusive to s/m it may be any scene which the submissive could find emotionally overwhelming and too much. I have wandered if i did have a safeword could i have potentially missed out on some great experiences because there have been situations whereby if i had one i would of used it.
This has been when i have been scared, its when its been something new and im unsure and i dont want to do it, i have needed that push, to be given no choice (i do get off on being pushed past my comfort zone) whether it be s/m or any other 'scene'.
Ultimately though a safeword IMO is not a subsitute for trust, with or without a safeword you need to have trust in each other.