I have always maintained that i dont have a high sex drive, and i dont, i have never considered sex an important part of our relationship, and it bears no relevance on my submission by that i mean there are many elements that i consider important parts of my submission sex is not one of them. However saying that im very easily aroused and can remain in a constant state of arousal for long periods of time without relief, this is not always a pleasant experience but its not sex i seek for out for relief but pain when this happens which is quite often, and it can be the most simple of triggers that set me off.
When we engage in s/m sex may happen inbetween or afterwards but its not expected, thats to say s/m is not a form of foreplay, s/m in itself sates my arousal and the orgams from pain are more intense than during sex, the high afterwards is better and lasts a lot longer than really great sex, i can be buzzing for days after a heavy session. But what is it about pain that causes this immense pleasure and for masochists like myself cause the body to respond as though it were being sexually stimulated.
Ok the science bit....pain, violence, sex and love are all associated with the release of chemicals and hormones....
endorphins: are released by pain experiences and are pleasurable and can be seen as addictive which is why generally masochists seek that 'high' and sometimes need to go further as their body adjusts to a level of pain, they need more to get those further 'kicks'
testosterone: can be temporarily effected by s/m experiences, with dominants often getting raised levels
seratonin and melatonin: brain chemicals which are effected by emotional and stressful experiences
epinephrine and norepinephrine: are released during stressful and painful experiences and can cause a pleasureable 'rush'
I guess thats one explanation of why i am like i am that i can find, because im constantly seeking an answer to explain why i enjoy pain but i think there is more to it than the scientific reasons and perhaps those answers lie in in the psychological side.
I wouldnt want to be hurt (in the context of s/m) by someone that genuinely took no enjoyment from it, and i need to be dominated, knowing that from the moment the 'scene' starts i have absolutley no control thats probably the most important element to me, (not all masochists are submissive and vice versa). I like the security of bondage during s/m, being restrained and especially hooded make for a more intense experience and adds to the build up as i like to be like this, waiting for whatever is coming and knowing im helpless..i love being vunerable.
There is also a connection between us as we prepare for a 'session', during s/m and afterwards that is more intimate than sex, perhaps its that im more exposed to him emotionally and physically, perhaps its the vunerability. He enjoys the fact that the more he hurts me most especially when its pain im not liking the more aroused i get, my body betrays me and i begrudgingly admit i do enjoy it more when im taken beyond my comfort zone albeit mostly afterwards when im stated.
Im past analysing why i need and prefer pain over sex, but would be lying if i said it didnt trouble me at times, it does, i have wandered if its a way of compensating for my insecurity and lack of confidence with sex, i know i dont have a healthy view of sex. I enjoy it and we do have a healthy sex life but then i dont enjoy it so much unless im being hurt, humiliated or at bare minimum restrained....im not sure thats healthy.