Consent

I have anon (from previous post) to credit with this post, consent within D/s and bdsm.

Common dictionary definition:

to permit, approve or agree, comply or yield

There is also informed consent:

indicates that the consent a person gives meets certain minimum standards, an informed consent can be said to have been given based upon a clear appreciation and understanding of the facts, implications, and future consequences of an action

Obviously i consented to be in this dynamic, there was discussions about initial expectations, what we both wanted to get from the relationship, it wasnt full on 24/7 slavery from day one, it was gradual, like most relationships learning about one another as regular people and as Dominant and submissive.  I realise now that the understanding and implications of giving consent is only truely realised when trust is firmly established and that i dont believe happens overnight either, it takes time...lots of time.

I can only base my opinions as always on my own experiences.  As we ventured further and our dynamic shifted after much discussion between us to M/s the understanding of my giving consent was a hot subject.  Informed consent is probably more apt in these circumstances, there needs to be a clear understanding of what im consenting to, hence the 'informed' part, if im trusting this man, which i do, to take control of me in every and any way he wants the expectations of each of us needs to be clearly discussed and understood.

It is not a time to play the 'Master' card of "you will just obey me without question always" sod that, you need to be able to ask questions, no matter how trivial, i wanted and needed to know that in giving my consent i understood the implications of what im doing and that giving my consent will not be abused, it means being able to communicate freely, to be sure that he will listen to my concerns and consider how his decisions, rules and overall control will effect me throughout our relationship.

In giving my consent i am agreeing that i trust him to decide what is best for me and for us, it means that i am not choosing when i want to submit or how, it does not mean losing my voice or following blindly. 

Its not easy, sure there are things that sometimes i dont want to do, mostly within bdsm but it would get kind of tiresome and defeat the purpose of M/s if he continually asked my consent for everything he wanted to do that i didnt like.  My submission isnt mine to dictate, i have chosen, because i trust him to guide me where he wants me and this is what i want and need, withdrawing my consent just because i dont want to do something would rock the very foundations of our relationship.

Does this mean he never makes mistakes, or makes a decision that doesnt turn out for the best? nope, he is human and there have been blips along the way....but every blip is a learning curve.

So when anon asked "does he know the difference between consent and abuse"? yes he does, we both do, abuse would imply no consent or a lack of informed consent and as an adult of sane mind im fully able to comprehend what giving my consent means......because shock..horror..we talk and listen to each other..its called communication.