Thursday 18 October 2012

Fucking unbelievable

I was up extra early for me this morning so i started to write a post, it was a beautiful morning, and i got a bit of housework done before sitting in front of the pc with a coffee, by the time i left for work i felt i had achieved quite a bit, certainly less to do when i got home.  The good day ended about an hour after starting work.  I work with children that have special educational needs or/and behavioural problems.

In the early part of last year a situation arose with a male child (aged 7) he exhibited behavioural and emotional problems long story short he kicked off before a PE (physical education) refusing to change into his kit and participate.  I sat with him talking, trying to get to the bottom of what the issue was, eventually i pursuaded him to put on his coat and we would go out and watch, as he reached up for his coat, his shirt rose and there were bruises on his back.

I asked him if his back was hurting as i could see a bruise, he quickly became agitated, crying and saying that he was being good, my mistake was asking him if i could look at the bruises to see if i could make them better.  He removed his shirt and oh jesus, bless him he was covered, it was very clear he had been beaten, i just sat him on my lap and held him until he calmed down assuring him it would all be ok.   The mistake (in hindsight) was that we were alone in a changing area together.

The correct measurements were taken and it all came out that the father was abusive to the mother (she knew) and another older sibling.  Social services were informed and the police.

I received a letter today via the school (the school also received a duplicate copy) that the mother has sought legal advice because of the upset and damage that has been caused by social services and police to her family and her argument being that i should not have been alone with him in a room, and have him remove his shirt without a witness which was against 'child safety and protection' regulations...she wants compensation.  The letter ends with her stating that he family life is no one elses business!  she wants an apology...basically the argument is it never would have come out if i had not had him remove his shirt.

The school supports me 100%, it may come to nothing, but in the meantime its the uncertainty, but most of all im angry that i potentially in worst case scenario could lose my job because of my concern for a child, im angry that this women is more concerned with the "upset and damage" than the welfare of her son.

I will not apologise, i did the right thing in the wrong circumstances, yes another adult should have been present, i made a bad error of judgement because my concern was immediatly for this childs welfare.

14 comments:

  1. OH my gosh - what is wrong with people??? I am so sorry - that is incredibly stressful. You can hold tight with the knowledge that you DID the right thing for the child - the one who should have been protected. You are a moral person who had the best interest of a minor who needed help at heart. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ah tori, that's an impossible situation. As a mother, my first instinct would have been to do exactly as you did.

    I hope that you don't lose your job over this. But regardless of the outcome, as SirQsmlb said--you did the right thing. You changed that boy's life for the better. And not everyone can say that they made such a big difference in a kid's life.

    I have no idea of the legalities, but personally, I think her argument is crap--just because no one knows something is happening doesn't make it okay.

    You made his world better. I hope that having done so doesn't bring about the loss of your job. Because it's clear from my perspective that those kids would be losing a valuable advocate.

    I hope that your tomorrow is better.

    ReplyDelete
  3. dafuq?? what is wrong with her?

    oh never mind her, but i do hope you don't lose your job over one silly woman's actions.

    she is clearly in need of some therapy cos she should be grateful that despite there not being another adult around, you were willing to instinctively reach out and protect this child.

    sigh. i work with kids too... often one on one. and it's a wake up call to remember to be extra careful when dealing with them.

    prayers are on the way. for you, for the mum, and for the kid and the rest of the family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so sorry this has happened and that you have to deal with the fallout for being such good person. I am so glad the school is standing behind you and that you are holding your ground.

    I wish I could make it all go away, I know this must be very stressful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Omfg.....omfg! What the hell is wrong with people?

    Just speechless...So happy the school is standing behind you and really hopefully the mom will realize thee blame lies with her for failing to protect her child!

    Really don't know what to say....it's just infuriating when people ignore the message and shoot the messenger.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
  6. tori,

    I compliment you for the courage you showed in trying to protect the child. Every sane human being will support you.

    I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope this issue is resolved quickly and the child is kept safe.

    I am inspired by your courage.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  7. like the other commenters I am dumbfounded with mum's audacity. Who knows however what duress she may have endured from an abusive husband in writing that letter. One can almost imagine that she is trying in any way she can to survive and shifting blame and focus from her family may be the way she is trying to do this.

    At the risk of sounding unsympathetic to your plight Tori, because I can assure you I am not, I wonder if this is an opportuntiy to examine the procedure and process in the school to make sure that workers are protected when this situation arises again. In the bigger picture, it would seem to me that if these procedures and policies exist in this circumstance then the school might ask 'where is the system failure here that exposed our teacher/worker to this consquence?' It may be that if the procedure/policy does exist that the culture of the school does not promote the communication of the 'what to do' to staff. Tori though you are going through this I would encourage you not to take it on as your problem, but to reflect it back at the school as a system failure which they need to attend to. Your intention was NOT to make an error of judgement, your intention was to help the child and the school recognises that. The school must now ask the question, why did this orgnisational system fail to protect our worker from harm.

    I dont mean to lecture, but there is a hiccough in the schools system of investigating and reporting suspected non-accidental injuries in children and they need to attend to that because this situation WILL happen again in the future.

    All the best and 'wonderful you' for protecting the child

    Lx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poor kid. That breaks my heart. And bless you for what you did. I hope the kids will be protected.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My friend is a child protection workr here in bc Canada, and I hear many stories like this. I hope you can find peace in that you did the right thing, and all the authorities will back you up. You have an incredibly tough job, kudos. It's people like you who are making a real difference in the lives of kids.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The mother is a coward, she is sacrificing her child and for what? Makes me ill, but we're the weird ones - sheesh. I'm glad the school is standing behind you. And perhaps they recognize that because he is special needs, if he had your trust it may have been the only chance to help him.

    Believe it or not, that moment could have changed the way he sees himself - from thinking himself unworthy to realizing he has value. That moment will be something for him to hold onto for the rest of his life. I had two or three of those moments when I was growing up - they saved me. (((hugs))) and blessings, tori.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are a hero. Congrats for changing that kid's life for the better. No kid should be beaten. I hope the school board continues to stand behind you. The mother could well be a battered woman and that might explain her actions but the police should have taken action against her for knowing it was happening and not doing anything.

    Again, congrats for making that kid's life better. You should be proud of yourself.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
  12. You did the right thing. Waiting for another adult would have scared him and he probably would not have removed his shirt or told you anything. You saved him. He should be taken after from that uncaring "mother" and I use that term loosely as a mother would just be glad that her child was safe now.

    Keep up the great work. You are a great person for protecting those who can not protect themselves.

    hugs,
    heather1

    ReplyDelete
  13. oh my goodness tori, you certainly did do the right thing. that poor little kid, if everyone was to turn a blind eye to such things it would be such a sad sad world...He will always remember the kindness and love that you showed him considering the horrid world he lives in.

    Hugs to you.
    blossom x

    ReplyDelete
  14. Just want to echo the thoughts of others that of course you did the right thing for the child and he was your responsibility. As for following procedures, well, the trouble is that sometimes we use our instincts to do what we think is right at the time. It seems like the school sees that. However as littleone says, the school itself will need to make sure all of its staff follow safeguarding processes in the future for the protection of staff and students. Love and hugs to you xx

    ReplyDelete