Thursday 7 February 2013

What lies beneath....sadism

Being dominant and having control over another comes with responsibility, i see the bossman as being more than just Master, he is counseller, teacher, mentor, good cop/bad cop, lover, friend, he is all of these for me and more, some more so than the others at times, dependent on my needs.  I say needs rather than wants because sometimes i dont want to be 'counselled' but he recognises that i need to be, especially as im not one for doing indepth emotional discussions it makes me uncomfortable dependent on the subject, but for my own fullfillment and progress in tpe, for both of us it is a need.

So in short being my Master is more than just dominating, its a position that wears many 'hats'.

He also has needs, one of which is the need to hurt me, its not a need in the definition of he couldnt live without hurting me, the same applies of my need to be 'counselled' i could live without it but its a need in that it fullfills him.  He is a sadist, and his sadistic needs need to be met.

Lil wrote an interesting post http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fantasy-sadists.html?zx=592cb2914701dfd6 there was some interesting comments as well, and it got the cogs turning in my head, i havent really paid much mind to the bossmans sadism, and i wasnt sure how i would define it, does it need to be defined even?, on lil's post i commented that my Master was a sexual sadist.

The best definition i can give of sexual sadism (although its open to interpretation) is that for the bossman hurting me, making me suffer, sexually excites him, it sates him in the same way that sex does for people, there does not need to be any sexual interaction or climax achieved, inflicting pain on me is enough, he can be satisfied with just that.

That doesnt mean sex in any form doesnt happen at all, sometimes it does, its dependent on his mood.

Mostly when we regularly engage in s/m im enjoying it in a mentally receptive way as well as physically, there is tears, begging and screams etc but im loving my sufferring as much as he is loving giving it.  Given a choice between sex and an s/m session i will choose the s/m every time, it gives me a release which is far more satisfying.

Then there are his favourite times, which occur not so often, but when they do its genuine fear on my part, his focus is purely on sating his desires, there are tears and screams but unlike above i really want it to stop, he doesnt want me to enjoy it, he wants me to be really sufferring and i do.  He wouldnt however want to hurt someone that truely did not desire it on any level, and i do, they need to be masochistic and i am.

This is where i do struggle with my masochism at those times, i genuinely dont want it, but my body says otherwise, my arousal is evident by the wetness dripping down my legs but still i dont enjoy it, and he loves this, because it confirms to him that on some level i do desire it and the icing on the cake for him is im not enjoying it.

For as long as he has this need for sadism then i will do my best to cater to that need, but needs change and should they do so it will i guess mean me changing to adapt accordingly, yes s/m plays a large part in our relationship but its not the most important part, the sadist in him is another 'hat'.





















































12 comments:

  1. tori,

    I had a very, very intense session involving caning this week. Several times I just wanted it to stop, but deep down I wanted more.

    I thought that it takes a real sadist to push someone so hard for so long. Yet, we are good friends, she is just sexually wired differently. She was getting wet with pleasure from my suffering.

    We need people who crave sadism to put us in that special space.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. hi joey

      i think for many sadists in the context of bdsm that there is that sexually connection, that arousal of causing someone to suffer, and yes thank goodness because we need them!

      x

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  2. I as well am satisfied with just the s/m, I can completely get off on just that alone, sex does not have to be a component.

    I also enjoy a sadist taking it further then I like, I like being forced, I like knowing that the sadist has that control over me. I may not like it, I want it to stop... but my body betrays me as well.

    Also after I feel content, it is odd ... and scary, because I crave it.

    Thank you as always Tori, your post provide so much insight.

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    1. Thanks Anna May

      It is odd, i get that, and scary but oh yes i agree very much it does bring about that feeling of contentment.

      x

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  3. *Clicks the imaginary "Like" button.

    I think that sometimes we, (okay, I) get caught up in one aspect of something/someone, but it really is so important to realize how multifaceted we all are as human beings--nobody is just any one thing.

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    1. hi lil

      Nope your not alone it is easy to get caught up on one aspect and the rest blur into the background lol

      x

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  4. I am sooooo glad you had such an awesome visit. It is so gratifying when you see your kids growing up and making good choices. Oh...please let it happen often!!

    OK...so seriously. You write a blog for God's sake. REALLY...if it was something that you needed help for and you were capable of setting up a blog and writing in it often, couldn't you call the cops? You are Safe, Sane and Consensual! Holy Crow. You don't need to understand it or want it, but you don't have to condemn those of us who crave our kink.

    hugs,
    fiona

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  5. Fiona

    Im not sure i understand this comment, im going to assume my post was misinterpreted as im not condenming anyone.

    x

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  6. OK...so I need to not comment when really tired. I had a comment that made so much more sense in my head than what I read now. I absolutely know you are not condemning anyone. I don't know what on EARTH I was thinking! I am sorry!

    I find it amazing how our minds and our bodies sometimes do not match...that we think NO and yet we have physical responses which say YES.

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    1. OK...so this was REALLY REALLY bothering me. I finally figured it out...I was commenting on my stupid phone and I wrote the comment on your blog for Kaya's (http://underhishand.com/appreciation). OMG.

      So...starting over for YYOOUURR blog (seriously fiona - what is wrong with you). I am SOOOO sorry.

      I do find it amazing how people are wired...simply wired to be aroused by different things. The beauty comes when our kinks align and we become two halves to a fabulous, wonderful, fulfilling whole!

      hugs,
      fiona

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    2. lol

      I was tempted to email you privatley because i had wandered what was meant, the logical part of me thought a genuine mistake had been made because your comment held no relevence to what i had posted..so i wasnt too worried.

      No apologies necessary its given me a giggle this morning.

      x

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    3. OMG Tori, I'm totally mortified that I was such a moron. Ugh. Please, PLEASE email me if I ever comment like I'm on a different planet. I am soooo sorry!!

      Hugs,
      Fiona
      SirQsmlb@gmail.com

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