Being dominant and having control over another comes with responsibility, i see the bossman as being more than just Master, he is counseller, teacher, mentor, good cop/bad cop, lover, friend, he is all of these for me and more, some more so than the others at times, dependent on my needs. I say needs rather than wants because sometimes i dont want to be 'counselled' but he recognises that i need to be, especially as im not one for doing indepth emotional discussions it makes me uncomfortable dependent on the subject, but for my own fullfillment and progress in tpe, for both of us it is a need.
So in short being my Master is more than just dominating, its a position that wears many 'hats'.
He also has needs, one of which is the need to hurt me, its not a need in the definition of he couldnt live without hurting me, the same applies of my need to be 'counselled' i could live without it but its a need in that it fullfills him. He is a sadist, and his sadistic needs need to be met.
Lil wrote an interesting post http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/fantasy-sadists.html?zx=592cb2914701dfd6 there was some interesting comments as well, and it got the cogs turning in my head, i havent really paid much mind to the bossmans sadism, and i wasnt sure how i would define it, does it need to be defined even?, on lil's post i commented that my Master was a sexual sadist.
The best definition i can give of sexual sadism (although its open to interpretation) is that for the bossman hurting me, making me suffer, sexually excites him, it sates him in the same way that sex does for people, there does not need to be any sexual interaction or climax achieved, inflicting pain on me is enough, he can be satisfied with just that.
That doesnt mean sex in any form doesnt happen at all, sometimes it does, its dependent on his mood.
Mostly when we regularly engage in s/m im enjoying it in a mentally receptive way as well as physically, there is tears, begging and screams etc but im loving my sufferring as much as he is loving giving it. Given a choice between sex and an s/m session i will choose the s/m every time, it gives me a release which is far more satisfying.
Then there are his favourite times, which occur not so often, but when they do its genuine fear on my part, his focus is purely on sating his desires, there are tears and screams but unlike above i really want it to stop, he doesnt want me to enjoy it, he wants me to be really sufferring and i do. He wouldnt however want to hurt someone that truely did not desire it on any level, and i do, they need to be masochistic and i am.
This is where i do struggle with my masochism at those times, i genuinely dont want it, but my body says otherwise, my arousal is evident by the wetness dripping down my legs but still i dont enjoy it, and he loves this, because it confirms to him that on some level i do desire it and the icing on the cake for him is im not enjoying it.
For as long as he has this need for sadism then i will do my best to cater to that need, but needs change and should they do so it will i guess mean me changing to adapt accordingly, yes s/m plays a large part in our relationship but its not the most important part, the sadist in him is another 'hat'.