"Isn't it suffocating being dominated and controlled and is it everything?"
The short answer is no and no. This isnt about suffocating me in fact the complete opposite, he wants me to think for myself, have my own opinions and express them, he wants to know i can make my own decisions, choices etc...i am just happier and more content deferring to him, doesnt mean i dont have a voice....oh trust me i do and i have no issues with letting him know what i think! (just need a little work on expressing what i think in a more appropriate manner).
The extent to which i am controlled doesnt seem excessive to me but i think thats perhaps because i have got used to it gradually over time, in the beginning there was not this much control its been a gradual process as the relationship has progressed.
Im sure that to some people it would cause some discomfort and i can understand that, 6 years ago i more than likely would be disturbed that someone would want this amount of control over someone and i sure as hell wouldnt have thought i would want this level of control.
I might be wrong and completley off target here but i think for the majority of people exploring ttwd its an eye opener looking back as you go along, remembering how something you might do now you never would have imagined doing, and now you enjoy it, crave it even.
I could list countless things but i wont, that cover a wide range, not just kink, s/m etc but silly things that i never thought i would take enjoyment from, these relationships foster trust, intimacy and allow us to open up to endless possibilities.
There are times i have niggles and they are well documented throughout this blog, i mentioned in an earlier post that i think i have been 'steered' in this direction and a consequent comment from someone was is that similar to being manipulated, and yes i suppose in a way it is.
However i do believe he has simply worked with what was already there and yes guided me in the direction he wants but there has to be that desire, need and willingness on my part, forcing his control over me might work in the short term (being forced can be hot in certain contexts) but for the long haul sometimes its been to his benefit to exercise patience.
I feel secure under his control, and this is because its been at a pace i have for the most part been comfortable with, too much too fast and too soon could be suffocating, he was upfront about his expectations from the start but he was also clear he didnt expect an all singing dancing perfect slave from day one..it was me i think if anything who was unrealistic in that department.
The good feelings should outweigh any bad ones eg. the niggles, he wants me to want to submit because i need, desire to, not through fear or threats, he inspires me to want to please him and im rewarded with the security of his control/dominance.