Insecurity is not nice and being as im someone that has really insecure moments where i dont think rationally im aware of the effects it can have on a relationship, rather the effects it can have on us, how much can one person take of someone's neediness.
I dont think being needy is necessarily a 'bad' thing in the context of our dynamic, he likes elements of me being needy, that i am dependent on him, i need his authority, control etc, but the neediness im talking about is borne from insecurity and perhaps a lack of self confidence.
Sometimes albeit not as often as i used to i would get 'down' moments of thinking im not worthy of him, surely he would be better off with someone else, when i displeased him i would beat myself up that i simply wasnt good enough, i wanted/want to be this perfect slave and anything less was failure on my part.
I would get parinoid that he was going to leave me, that i would be released and i would get irrational, panicking over what im going to do..oh it would snowball, rather than talk to him when i first had these thoughts, oh no not me i would dwell on them and my behaviour would change, he would notice but i would deny what i was thinking.
The beating myself up started stopping when he started punishing me when i did displease him, it was the whole being held responsible for my actions and i needed to be that helped..not that i enjoy punishments but rather i need the absolution.
The rest of my insecurities havent been that easy to deal with, on having a discussion with him recentley for the millionth time (ok slight exaggeration) he put it to me that perhaps it was that i didnt trust him enough....i balked at that.
I do trust him, i trust him to make decisions for me and for us, i trust that he will keep me safe, i trust his judgement etc, but then i really started thinking about it.
If i do trust him then i should trust that he isnt just going to leave me high and dry, i should trust that i am good enough for him and that to him i am the perfect slave, me thinking any less than that is not trusting his judgement to know what he wants.
and there it is....it always comes down to trust.